I can't afford to live normally anymore, what's the point?

[savingallmylove]

No this isn't a suicidal thread! I'm not depressed. But I don't see a way out and it's terrifying

I don't have enough money coming in to cover food for myself properly. I'm living on soup and a few handouts from church (that I don't attend)

Now, I can't work so what do I do?

I'm a carer for my disabled child. When he's at school, I'm sleeping mostly or running errands that need doing, life admin etc

My monthly income no longer covers everything. There is no wiggle room, and I don't even have 'Netflix' or Spotify - my mum pays for my account as it's her family account

My son does swimming and horse riding but they're paid for by his DLA.

What on earth do I do? No it isn't a begging thread before someone reports me - My mum and dad will certainly feed me if I was starving or short!! But others aren't so fortunate to have family help if they're desperate

£20 a month. It's every fortnight
Ten quid a session? Where on earth does it cost a tenner per session??

OP, if you’re not claiming the SDC element of UC then you need to. It’s the same amount as my child gets in DLA, both amount to an extra £800 a month.

I work part time from home for my sanity, but it really doesn’t make much of a difference finance wise, despite my qualifications, as I’ had to drop a few rungs down in order to do so.

Theres almost always a discounted rate for children who get DLA.

It's obviously something that's subsidised and designed for people with disabilities. Sounds amazing.

It's discounted. Disabled Children's activities often are (or heavily overpriced but that's another thread!)

I second this. They can help look for grants, help apply for household support fund to get extra money for the household - the fund can give energy and supermarket vouchers. CAB can also access energy advise to get the best deals.

OP, have you had a care assessment for him and a carer's assessment for yourself? If not you should request them.

Do you seriously think dla is there’s for horse riding or swim lessons over food?!?. Any money from benefits is there to pay for your basic life needs. If you fall apart because you’re under nourished or so sleep deprived then who will look after your son?!
Can your parents help out and get some weekend work? You mentioned they seem to be open to helping so an option? If your don only sleeps 3-4 hours how does he manage school plus all the extra activities? That’s very little sleep to be so busy!

I really really see your point about not wanting to quit horse riding or swimming, I’m just not sure taking from a church food bank is overly ethical while you’re still paying for those though.

It is ethical when it's DLA money - my son's money. Not mine. How isn't that ethical?

also Op I suggest asking your gp or son's school for a food bank referral.
Have you looked at olio or 2 good 2 go apps?
Wonky veg boxes in supermarkets?
There's a church near me that uses supermarket waste to provide nutritious meals for free - anything like that near you?
Any online work such as admin/ copywriting/ typing up minutes ?

No one ever checks up on what DLA is spent on ! Seriously it just does not happen. It can be spent on an extra bedroom if a child needs their own room, it can be spent on a family holiday, no one would know. My dd had DLA for a short time when she was very young and we spent it and the huge jump in tax credits that came with it on our first family holiday abroad !

Yes I've had both. Granted 15 hours a week - the care agency we used never have anyone available. direct payments don't work either as nobody wants to do the work - even advertised at his school

Woah Reese.
I go to a church and contribute to food banks and would be very happy for the op to receive stuff from them.
I'm just not sure it is overly ethical for you to comment on this thread without a better understanding of what having a severely disabled child means!

You use it for what your son needs - that can mean a warm house, nutritious food as well as therapy and swimming lessons.

OP - I feel for you. You’re clearly in a very difficult position and times are very hard.

regardless of what the DLA is for, giving up the hobbies is likely to make you feel I’m even more in a mindset of what’s the point.

no advice sorry but I hope things get easier

i don't suppose you could try another agency? it's rubbish and I can imagine how much you must be struggling with your only respite when he's at school school holidays must be really hard?

You can use his DLA to cover you not working to be his career outside of the 15 hours care funding you get. Also heating the house, cooking the food etc

Think of it like this. Your son manages a school day with 3 to 4 hours sleep so I reckon you could maybe do a few hours say work the morning and have an hour or 2 before the school day ends. Every bit counts maybe a school dinner lady job would be good they start at 11 and just cover dinner so you could grab an hour in the morning to recharge. It does sound very hard but there is always something you can do. It sounds like your meeting your sons needs well so that extra bit of work would mean a bit extra for you each week on food.

Honestly OP, you’re being a martyr. Who will your DS have if you starve because you prioritised his swimming lessons and horse riding over eating yourself?

What is the DLA being spent on apart from swimming and horse riding?

My step father has claimed disability allowance for a long time (no longer DLA but it once was). He couldn’t work for a long time and that money got put into a central pot. He would never have watched my mum struggle to make a meal. He’d never have seen my mum starve. (Not sure why it’s relevant but I also go to church and contribute to food banks?)

To go against the majority, I think the horse riding thing is lovely.

I guess your DS is the point, really.

Op I can't follow your logic.

You need to look after him? And you are wondering how you can go on?

Is that the best things for him, a mum who cant feed herself?

Whose utterly miserable?

Even if you stopped both or one ,do it temporarily.

You need to get your oxygen mask on first. I cannot fathom how starving yourself into misery is helping him?.

Hey first of all you are doing amazing, living with a child who needs are complex is a reality most can't even contemplate. Sleep when you can! Take that time. Also I know it's a cliche on here but if your kids beige safe food. Maybe invest in an air fryer. You can use the oven less meaning less electric. Also if his bedding needs to be washed more. Maybe a washable duvet? Have a spare while you wash the first. Also if you post a rough area you could have a community food Bank near? Not one you need a referral to. Best of luck xx