I can't afford to live normally anymore, what's the point?

[savingallmylove]

No this isn't a suicidal thread! I'm not depressed. But I don't see a way out and it's terrifying

I don't have enough money coming in to cover food for myself properly. I'm living on soup and a few handouts from church (that I don't attend)

Now, I can't work so what do I do?

I'm a carer for my disabled child. When he's at school, I'm sleeping mostly or running errands that need doing, life admin etc

My monthly income no longer covers everything. There is no wiggle room, and I don't even have 'Netflix' or Spotify - my mum pays for my account as it's her family account

My son does swimming and horse riding but they're paid for by his DLA.

What on earth do I do? No it isn't a begging thread before someone reports me - My mum and dad will certainly feed me if I was starving or short!! But others aren't so fortunate to have family help if they're desperate

What's that got to do with this thread? This is about a mother with a severely disabled child who is struggling to feed herself without having to take money from her child. I'm sure she would love for her main worry to be about the cost of rent.

For what it's worth, I'm a full-time carer of an adult with severe disabilities. I get £69 a week carer's allowance, £50 a week UC, and zero outside help. If I start any work I'll lose the UC. So I'm properly stuck. I still wouldn't swap lives with the OP.

I don’t know why your post is so PA towards me. I wasn’t the one who first posted about the rent. I was replying to another poster who said OP wouldn’t be receiving £2600pm, when she may possibly be receiving something close. It’s not a wild assumption to say £800 for the housing element is on the high side, it is.

You wouldn’t need high rent costs to qualify for UC on £1700, especially if, as I posted, you had the same/similar circumstances to the OP. You wouldn’t actually need to be renting at all.

The workings:
Standard allowance £334.91
Child element £290
Severely disabled child element £414.88
Carer element £168.81
Total = £1208.60

Earnings minus pension per month. £1700
Work allowance £573

Earnings minus work allowance
£1700- £573 = £1127

Deduction
Earnings x 0.55 =
1127 x 0.55 = £619.85

Total allowed - earnings deductions = total UC for month
1208.60 - £619.85 = £588.75

Why would someone without the same circumstances (carers of a severely disabled child) expect to receive the same amount of benefits?

And even without the severely disabled child and carer elements you don’t need huge rents to be entitled to UC with earnings of £1700

Standard allowance £334.91
Child element £290
Rent £400
Total = £1024.91

Earnings per month. £1700
Work allowance £344

Earnings minus work allowance
£1700 - £344 = £1356

Deduction
Earnings x 0.55 =
£1356 x 0.55 = £745.80

Total allowed - earnings deductions = total UC for month
1024.91 - £745.80 = £279.11

well there not going to earn the same are they 40 hrs min wage earn less than £400 a week then take of tax and ni then take of rent here it would be min £750 a month for a basic studio,in the south but not London or near

op does not pay tax or ni and has alot more to start and yes i know she has a disabled child but she is also using the safety net and that what dwp was made for but let's not make out that if they claim all their entitled to is a (im on the bones of my arse) situation while the single worker is in a not great position themselves and the dwp wont be much use to them

if the op really is living on soup then she can not be getting all her benefits that op and son are entitled to and needs help claiming them as she would be so much better of and could afford all her son needs and she would not be eating soup and could care for her son instead of running on empty and maybe have some money left over to help them both

but the op has ignored the ?? regarding benefits and budgetting which makes me wonder if she is getting the full amount,it happens alot on here im afraid

im talking single young worker

Oh piss off, I’ve worked full time my entire life in a demanding STEM job, fled DV, then my child was diagnosed after a year of struggling, has required 24/7 supervision for the last 18 months,.

DLA was awarded around 4 months ago. I had to drop to part time work after my child was admitted to hospital 8 months ago, so I was forced to apply after trying to continue to work full time/almost having a nervous breakdown.

I don’t include DLA because it’s all spoken for/tied up in buying things my child needs, the expense of hospital trips etc.

My rent is just shy of 10K a year and no I can’t move anywhere cheaper, this is the cheapest available.

I bet you feel loads better after starting this thread op! 😂

I worry about some posters thinking skills.

jeez another one

Fuck me, everybody's an expert.

A young single person doesn’t have anywhere near the same expenses as a parent with a severely disabled child so of course they won’t receive anywhere near the same amount. I’m sure the young single non-disabled person wouldn’t want to swap places.

if the op really is living on soup then she can not be getting all her benefits that op and son are entitled to

but let's not make out that if they claim all their entitled to is a (im on the bones of my arse) situation

How on earth can you know that? Just because a parent of a severely disabled child is claiming everything they are entitled to doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling. Families with a disabled child are more likely to be in poverty. According to Scope, in 2019 24% of families with a disabled child were paying more than £1k per month in disability related costs and the top 20% spending an average of more £1.5k per month. That figure will be significantly higher now.

This in a nutshell. Thank you

I left the thread for a while as it all got a bit much and felt very intrusive... partly my fault for posting in the first place I know!

Thanks again to some really kind posters :) I've found a lot of the responses quite depressing and I don't want to keep arguing and arguing different points, even though it's anonymous there comes a point when you feel too much is being shared

And it’s literally been all over the news recently how those with disabled children are now choosing which meals they skip.both single and married parents.

I'm not sure you're not being disingenuous here, because my point was that in many areas £800pcm is not remotely "on the high side" for rent - it would be on the very low end of the spectrum. So you're making wild assumptions about the OP's location - sure, maybe it's high, if she lives in one of the cheaper areas of the country, but equally it may be low if she doesn't.

If you can't even stack up that kind of uncertainty in your reasoning, you really shouldn't be questioning the OP's financial situation. No matter what you've looked up on the internet, you have no idea about the OP's actual, personal situation.

I have no idea why some posters think it's pointless to have a thread where people just agree it's shit and offer sympathy, but can't see the absolute pointlessness of making wild and unfounded assumptions about someone else's financial affairs, benefit entitlement, rent, and god knows what else, then bickering and speculating over that. I think that has to be the most pointless idea for a thread in the history of mumsnet, and yet here we are 🙄

I am not being disingenuous, but I think you have misunderstood my post. I wasn’t posting £800 was on the high side for rent, I was talking about £800 being on the high side of rent covered the UC housing element for a 2 bed. Which it is, so I’m not making wide and unfounded assumptions about OP’s location. Less than 1/4 of areas have a LHA of £800 or more for a 2 bed rate. £800 isn’t high in terms of actual rent, but UC housing element is based on the LHA not private rents and it is on the higher end of that.

If you can't even stack up that kind of uncertainty in your reasoning, you really shouldn't be questioning the OP's financial situation. No matter what you've looked up on the internet, you have no idea about the OP's actual, personal situation.

I haven’t questioned the OP’s financial situation. If you read my posts, I first offered her advice and getting more support and applying for grants. My subsequent replies weren’t to the OP they were replying to other posters. Thanks for the patronising “looked up on the internet” comment, but that is far from the truth, I haven’t looked anything up on the internet.


I have no idea why some posters think it's pointless to have a thread where people just agree it's shit and offer sympathy, but can't see the absolute pointlessness of making wild and unfounded assumptions about someone else's financial affairs, benefit entitlement, rent, and god knows what else, then bickering and speculating over that. I think that has to be the most pointless idea for a thread in the history of mumsnet, and yet here we are 🙄

And I think someone should actually bother to comprehend others’ posts before taking one sentence out of context of the whole post and incorrectly accusing them of making wild and unfounded assumptions. But there you go.

I have taught both, in some ways the children are easier as you get a lesson plan but it is hard to fit it all in.

Maybe start with the adults as they are often good speakers and just want to chat. So get a list of "go to" questions to get you started with them.

The pay isn.t great but there is no outlay/commute and you can fit it around your other commitments x