I can't afford to live normally anymore, what's the point?

[savingallmylove]

No this isn't a suicidal thread! I'm not depressed. But I don't see a way out and it's terrifying

I don't have enough money coming in to cover food for myself properly. I'm living on soup and a few handouts from church (that I don't attend)

Now, I can't work so what do I do?

I'm a carer for my disabled child. When he's at school, I'm sleeping mostly or running errands that need doing, life admin etc

My monthly income no longer covers everything. There is no wiggle room, and I don't even have 'Netflix' or Spotify - my mum pays for my account as it's her family account

My son does swimming and horse riding but they're paid for by his DLA.

What on earth do I do? No it isn't a begging thread before someone reports me - My mum and dad will certainly feed me if I was starving or short!! But others aren't so fortunate to have family help if they're desperate

The thing is the op has no money for food. Four hours a week could bring in up to £60 a week.
The only solution is more benefits( (if she's entitled to extra)
Food bank ( I don't think that can be used as a long term option)
Her ex steps up and pays CMS ( can't happen due to his health issues)
Or some kind of paid work.

Because the OP needs practical solutions to get herself out of this mess. I really hope she is able to get some more assistance from the government to help herself. Obviously, that would be the first port of call - seeing if there is more help available first and good access to food banks etc. BUT - if all that fails, giving her solutions to find work that would fit around her life and which is very low-stress would be the next step. Working from home is the way to go. I suggested Cambly because I know from experience it's very low-stress, relaxed and just involves chatting. She can take it or leave it too. A lot of jobs do not offer that level of flexibility. If she has a particularly bad night with her son for example, or isn't feeling great she doesn't need to work on that particular day.

Agree absolutely that the OP probably needs to vent and have someone say "you are not invisible, I see and hear you". There is no magic cure for this situation as the benefit system is now designed to be punitive and uncaring. However, a bit of empathy would not go amiss, and recognition of the relentlessness of caring for children with a disability. There is tired and then there is tired. I suggest everyone talking about cleaning jobs, working while the child is at school etc try staying up until 1am and setting their alarm for 4am. Give up all your "me time", hobbies and evening TV and instead do additional cleaning in the house (simulating the messes that children with additional needs can create) and actively supervise your DC even if you don't need to so you can see what never being able to leave them is like. Do an extra load of laundry daily. No delegating to your partner and no coffees out, ocado deliveries etc either. Do it every day for just a week and then come back and berate the OP about "handouts" and "getting a job".

Absolutely, @DrCoconut

Plus, the OP's already said she's looking into the Cambly suggestion from upthread and asked a follow up question about whether a qualification is needed.

And proper tiredness is a killer.it can make you want to sob.to be that kind of tired the op and others know of is devastating both mentally and physically. You want and need to fall to the floor.you feel sick.your head feels shaky your body feels unable to support itself.so tired your slipping over on the spot!unable to think.
And to be at that point and realise your relied on.shit the bed that's tough.
Op you have been heard and please keep talking if u need to,same with others also feeling that overwhelmed.

…but I also have a disabled child and thats exactly what I do 🙈

I actually AM a cleaner with a disabled child though!! And Im a single parent! So yes I do get it!

I get £2600 UC - that’s for 3 children, 1 DLA HRC LRM, SDC and Carers Element. I get £500 towards my rent which is actually £825, so my “single person allowance” that is supposed to feed and clothe me goes entirely on paying the extra rent.

There is no chance OP is getting that much with only one child.

PIP and other adult disability benefits aren’t included in the CMS claim - only the basic benefits, of which he would have to pay £7 a week.

look at the breakdown
i think the calculation is right as op has not said what she gets,there seems to be a thing on here people not declaring what they really get leaving out certain benefits

does your's include child benefit,maintanance

and if thats the maximum you are still left with approx £1700 and the rent has been paid,some dont even earn that before rent

i honestly think some people expect an open cheque book

They are essentials. They’re therapy.

Actually, I get less than £2600 - it’s £2239, with £83 taken off for the advance I got when I was forced onto UC, so significantly less than the £2600 UC people seem to think OP is getting with 2 less children than I have.

I moved house last week (I was almost homeless). HB element hasn’t been updated yet but my new LHA is £500 for a 3 bed.

CB is £160ish a month. I get £200 child support for my eldest 2, paid voluntarily like most normal Dads do, and £0 for my youngest because CMS are useless (also, he’s abusive, isn’t allowed near us so doesn’t have our child at all).

£2599 total monthly income. OP has 1 child, gets no child support, so cannot possibly be getting anywhere near the same amount as I do.

Fortunately for me, once my disabled child is over the shock of having to move area, school, their entire life being uprooted because my landlord didn’t want to do any of the repairs that EH ordered them to do, I should be able to go back to WFH full time, which will make a significant difference to my finances.

Having never relied on benefits before, only got a small amount of CTC and WTC for childcare costs, it’s been rather frightening.

But for OP, this is probably a permanent thing. And people confidently and incorrectly declaring that she gets far more money than she does is massively unhelpful,

If he claimed UC and PIP, then yes, he would be able to pay a small amount of child maintenance to the OP, especially as he lives with his mother who presumably does not ask for any contribution towards rent and bills.

Even a small amount of maintenance would help; £10/week would pay for fortnightly riding lessons.

Agree! Well said.

Have you claimed for a personal budget from his EHCP to cover the costs of your sons activities? That might make things easier.

If someone only earned £1700 and had the same/similar circumstances they would also receive UC.

The poster who posted the £2600 figure was including everything, including DLA, in that figure. Rent of £800 is on the high side so it probably slightly high but not widely out.

UC
Standard allowance £334.91
Child element £290
Severely disabled child element £414.88
Carer element £168.81
Rent element £500 (a guess - could be more or less)

Child benefit £87.20

DLA £627.60

Which gives just over £2400.

@Thatsnotmycar if you have only 1 child and you earn £1700 you wouldn't get that much UC on top. That isn't a bad wage. Unless you have huge rent costs.

ofgs read the breakdown it includes DLA

the advance is still money you recieved so it should be an add on

so have you not included your DLA in your calculations?? so you are getting more?

why are people not putting what they really get as it gives a very false picture and im fed up of those that do not to gain sympathy

apologies if you have included DLA but i cant see it on your calculations and its becoming a habit

im not saying in the same circumstances

what about those that are single have to rent in maybe a high rent area and dont get help but they dont have children so F##k them and there the ones paying the tax and ni

and no these are not my circumstances but the singles and couples without dc's must be thoroughly fed up at times

Rent of £800 is on the high side so it probably slightly high but not widely out.

We're full of the wild assumptions here, aren't we? We don't know what area the OP is in, but this wouldn't get you anything at all in my part of the country.

Maybe we could all stop prying into the OP's finances without any knowledge of what her actual circumstances are, or, indeed, any knowledge of her outgoings, or the additional cost of living relating to her son's disability.

Do you think those single, childless people like to swap lives with the OP? They would have to take on the 4 hours of broken sleep a day and have the responsibility of a disabled child for the rest of their lives, though.

there is always someone worse of im afraid that does not help the younger/middle generation that have no fall back

to much for benefit not enough to buy and struggle for ridiculous rent they are the part pf society that gets ignored

and if op comes on here and makes a thread about financial matters regarding not being able to feed herself then ignores all mention of suggestions regarding her income and expenditure while also dodging the financial questions which it's looking like then dont post on a public forum

its a public forum and thus entitled to ask whatever questions we like im feed up of the thread police thinking they are in charge their not

but as i said i dont think the op should be working as she needs sleep and does not sound lie she gets any during the night so see why she catches up on the day