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Original poster

DP doesn't brush his teeth

242 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/10/2022 12:04

My fiancé rarely brushes his teeth. I brush mine twice a day morning and night. I think the last time he brushed his teeth was Tuesday morning or maybe even before then! He also rarely showers. He wipes his nose with his hand and not a tissue. If I prompt him to brush his teeth he sighs and gets annoyed. It's disgusting. He is lucky that he doesn't get bad breath.

He is great in every other way - very kind, caring, has a good job etc. He does his fair share of the work in the house although he is incredibly messy.

I have spoken to him before and said it is very disrespectful to me that he doesn't take care of his hygiene. I've said I deserve better. He said he isn't doing it to be disrespectful. He improved for a few days and he's slipped back into his bad habits.

Why am I marrying this absolute creature? As above, apart from the hygiene issue he is great in all other ways.

OP posts:
PinkPrettyAndPointed · 14/10/2022 12:12

🤮

Why would you marry someone who didn't brush their teeth or shower. That's just grim.

chipsandpeas · 14/10/2022 12:14

i wouldnt marry him

DenholmElliot1 · 14/10/2022 12:15

Another one here puzzled as to why you're marrying someone who doesn't brush their teeth? Doesn't his mouth and breath stink when you kiss him?

MrsR87 · 14/10/2022 12:15

I’m sorry but I couldn’t marry someone with such low hygiene standards. I would find it very difficult to want to be intimate with them!

NotLactoseFree · 14/10/2022 12:15

I'm always a bit surprised by posts like these. Surely teeth brushing twice a day is just one of those things that everyone does, no matter what? I don't think I could be with someone who doesn't do that.

greystarblanchard · 14/10/2022 12:15

I honestly couldn’t marry someone with this level of poor hygiene.

Trilla · 14/10/2022 12:16

I couldn't date or marry him. Basic hygiene is such a low bar and he can't even achieve that.

hairyunicorn · 14/10/2022 12:17

How do you kiss him?

redskyhaze · 14/10/2022 12:18

Even if he was the nicest guy in the world I could not be with someone who doesn't think it's a big deal to go 3 days without brushing his teeth. That's really grim.

JudgementalCentipede · 14/10/2022 12:18

Nope. I'm sorry but you're right - it's disrespectful to you that he doesn't practice such a basic level of hygiene. He's also not going to be a very good role model to any future children you may have together either.

DenholmElliot1 · 14/10/2022 12:18

Doesnt your stomach heave when you're getting intimate with him? With his stinky body and bad breath lol. I know mine would.

Original poster
permanentgiraffe · 14/10/2022 12:20

He is ridiculously lucky that he doesn't have bad breath. If I didn't brush my teeth even one night, my breath would not be good in the morning!

OP posts:
awakenme · 14/10/2022 12:22

This will likely get even worse once you are married.

redskyhaze · 14/10/2022 12:22

If he's been this way all his life, you are unlikely to be able to change it.

Changing daily habits is something that requires a lot of effort and willpower - especially if there is little benefit to him (it sounds like he's pretty happy as he is).

I'd compare it to trying to get your partner to lose weight. He can only do it if he actually, really wants to. He won't do it 'for you'. He might try - but as you've seen - it lasts a few days, because he doesn't have intrinsic motivation to change.

So really, before you marry him, have a good think about whether you can cope with him being this way for the rest of your lives.

Trilla · 14/10/2022 12:22

permanentgiraffe · 14/10/2022 12:20

He is ridiculously lucky that he doesn't have bad breath. If I didn't brush my teeth even one night, my breath would not be good in the morning!

He probably does, are you just not used to it now?

Original poster
permanentgiraffe · 14/10/2022 12:28

I completely agree that it is gross and disgusting. I wouldn't be putting up with this if he lacked in any other way.

Can I do anything at all to get him to improve his hygiene?

As a young adult, he had teeth removed due to his lack of brushing. He's 35 now!

OP posts:
Worthyornot · 14/10/2022 12:32

Op you must be clearly desperate to want to be with such a slob. Would you be happy for your future kids to turn out like him, because he is providing the example. He can be the nicest person on earth but that doesn't stop him being revolting.

Clarice99 · 14/10/2022 12:32

Absence of personal hygiene would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't have got past the first date, let alone be in a serious relationship with someone who didn't follow basic personal hygiene rules. It's not just the lack of teeth brushing, what about dental care? I imagine he doesn't go to the dentist either?

Not showering regularly either. Revolting 🤮🤮🤮

As for wiping his nose with his hand, that's what a 4 year old would do FGS.

Trilla · 14/10/2022 12:33

Maybe a rewards chart with stars?

Honestly, if he's not willing to do very basic things like brush his teeth throughout the relationship and adulthood it's unlikely to change. Decide if you want someone who has so little respect for himself and you that he won't do a 2 minute tooth brush or just embrace the stink.

Redqueenheart · 14/10/2022 12:36

He is a grown men and you should not have to teach him basic hygiene at this stage.

I could not have anything to do with a man like that...just grim.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 14/10/2022 12:37

Sorry but that we be a complete turn off for me. How can you kiss him? 🤮

Clarice99 · 14/10/2022 12:37

permanentgiraffe · 14/10/2022 12:28

I completely agree that it is gross and disgusting. I wouldn't be putting up with this if he lacked in any other way.

Can I do anything at all to get him to improve his hygiene?

As a young adult, he had teeth removed due to his lack of brushing. He's 35 now!

I posted before seeing your latest post above.

Teeth removed due to not brushing is dreadful. As he's already lost teeth due to self neglect, what makes you think he's going to change now? He may as well have them all out then he has a perfect excuse not to brush them as he won't have any 😬😬😬

Original poster
permanentgiraffe · 14/10/2022 12:38

When I speak to him about it, he says he will try his best but cannot guarantee he won't slip up from time to time. It's forming a new habit which can take time.

OP posts:
LaDamaDeElche · 14/10/2022 12:43

Does he have ADHD? A lot of people with ADHD struggle with daily routine and hygiene, although I think most try to find strategies to overcome this by the time they get to adulthood. If he doesn't have ADHD or anything else that may affect his ability to keep a normal daily routine, I think you have to look at this as a dealbreaker tbh. What may be tolerable (just) now, will most likely not be tolerable down the line. There's really no excuse for poor personal hygiene in neurotypical adults. It's disrespectful to your partner, as let's be real no one wants to have sex with someone who hasn't washed for days. Also, the bedsheets get musty, even sofas pick up smells from dirty hair and feet. Past the teenage years there really is no excuse for this. It's gross and disrespectful.

Singinghollybob · 14/10/2022 12:44

If him having to have teeth removed didn't encourage him to form any hygiene habits then I'm not sure what you could do.
Maybe a reward chart? Accompany him to the shower and sink every morning and evening and supervise him? Leave notes/set alarms?

It all sounds so ridiculous though to be even thinking of these things.

Does he hold down a job? Function as an adult otherwise? Then I think he just doesn't want to, or care enough to.

I wouldn't have got past the first date with somebody with such low standards, regardless of how nice he is.