At what age would you leave a child alone in a cafe for an hour?

[CoveredInCobwebs]

DD is nearly 9. Lately she has been asking to stay home sometimes when we are heading out as a family so she can read or draw. I'm not comfortable with that but I do feel sort of, but not entirely, comfortable with the idea of leaving her in an on-site cafe e.g. National Trust cafe while the rest of the family walks around one of the trails.
She could have either my or DH's phone - she wouldn't take the piss and would only use it if there was some sort of emergency. I don't think she is quite old enough yet but I was wondering what age people would think it was ok to do this?

No, of course you can't leave a 9 year old alone in a cafe. Why can't she walk with you, does she have a disability?

Way too young. Why doesn't she wasn't to go with you?

Not a chance.

would she know what to do in case of emergency? If the fire alarms went off would she know what to do? It would be very unfair on others if they end up having to look out for her.

i think at 9 she should be going with the family plans.

Secondary school age imo- 9 way too young.

Also knowing the signal in a lot of NT type places I go to I wouldn’t want to rely on leaving her with a phone.

It’s a cafe, not a crèche. Not sure how they would feel having a table taken by an unsupervised child when they could be having paying customers use it.

I would say secondary age so 11+

It's an interesting one though as I would probably feel for confident in leaving them at home at 11 rather than a café.

Depends a lot on the child I guess. It's a good question!

No I wouldn't leave a 9 year old alone in a café for an hour. If it gets busy and someone asks her to move, she might not be equipped to deal with a response to that. If she nips to the loo, comes back and there aren't any seats left she might get panicked. Cafés can get busy and a bit overwhelming for a solo 9 year old.

Leaving her at home for an hour seems fine though.

If you really think about why you’d be more comfortable with leaving her in a cafe than leaving her at home, is it because you think she’ll be safer with the staff there if something was to happen? It’s not fair to put them in that position though - and they aren’t going to know who is or isn’t her family either. So if some strangers started talking to her (which wouldn’t happen at home) then they wouldn’t be likely to step in. Just one example of something which could happen.

Too young. Why on earth would they be safer in a public place with any adult able to approach her than she would be in her own home? I really can’t understand the logic.

To be honest I think a child that age would be safer at home for an hour than sitting in a public cafe alone.

I wouldn’t leave her though, not until about 11-ish. Is there any reason why she doesn’t want to join? Do you overload the weekends with NT visits/days out and she needs more time to just chill at home?

I think I’d leave her at home before I left her in a cafe.

If you go out somewhere as a family trip then she absoloutley should come with you. I've no idea why you think a public cafe is safer than your (locked) home?

Whether she should be left home alone is another matter - at 8yo I'd say at a push 10mins while you nip to the nearest shop.

At 8,9,10, they come along on family trips out and join in.

Also the reason you’re more comfortable leaving her in a public place (I presume) is that she won’t be ‘alone.’ But she will be alone really, just with the added risk of any weirdo being able approach her. The cafe workers aren’t babysitters and don’t have or want any responsibility for your child.

There is no way the staff will be happy with an unaccompanied child. They can't be responsible for her.

I wouldn't either. I used to let my 8/9 yo sit in the cafe at the leisure centre whilst I changed their younger sibling for swimming lessons, but there was a more family environment.

I'd feel far more comfortable at that age with leaving them at home alone for an hour than leaving them in a cafe - I'd agree with PP that I wouldn't do that until secondary school age

I'm guessing it's the difference between 2 hours at home, or an hour in the Cafe. I don't think either is appropriate aged 9.

An hour at home, DS2 started aged 10 - but he always had the choice to come with me, and I asked every time it happened. He's just started secondary, and I leave him at home for a couple of hours, but I don't think he'd want to be alone in a public place for that length of time. His older brother would tho.

Im also not sure the Cafe would want an unattended 9 year old taking up a whole table that could have paying customers, or want to be responsible for her.

If you have younger kids, why would you not bring them to National Trust? Surely thats the whole point - to get them out in the fresh air and have a good run about?

I'm envisaging those lovely decades on between parenting small kids and retirement as blissfully National Trust free.

Who goes if not a parent trying to tire out their kids, or a retired person with time to spare?

Agree that it’s too young - and it would be a bit too young for me to leave a child at home for that amount of time even. I’d say 11/12 at the least for the cafe idea; 12+ ideally.

By 12 a kid should be able to say “my mum’s out on the stables walk and will be back here in half an hour” and that’s OK — but at 9 you definitely risk a cafe worker or another customer calling the management (or even police) if they think your child shouldn’t be unaccompanied/unsupervised/alone at that age!

YABU to leave her in a cafe for others to look after. It's not on them, they're there doing their job.

No you can’t leave her at a cafe, it’s not fair to put the responsibility on the staff.
Even though you’ll probably come back and say you’re not putting the responsibility on the staff, you would be by default if you left her there.