At what age would you leave a child alone in a cafe for an hour?

[CoveredInCobwebs]

DD is nearly 9. Lately she has been asking to stay home sometimes when we are heading out as a family so she can read or draw. I'm not comfortable with that but I do feel sort of, but not entirely, comfortable with the idea of leaving her in an on-site cafe e.g. National Trust cafe while the rest of the family walks around one of the trails.
She could have either my or DH's phone - she wouldn't take the piss and would only use it if there was some sort of emergency. I don't think she is quite old enough yet but I was wondering what age people would think it was ok to do this?

I'd leave my almost 11 year old at home with his phone playing xbox
I wouldnt entertain leaving him in a cafe that long

You can’t leave her in the care of cafe staff (because that’s what you would be doing!!) My 9 year old sits in the leisure centre cafe for 10 minutes while I change their sibling but it’s full of other parents who keep an eye on the children.

DD is 12, she stays home for an hour or 2 regularly but there's no way I'd leave her completely alone for an hour in a public place.

I think 9 is too young to be left alone at home but she'd be safer there behind a locked door than what she would be in a cafe, anyone could approach her there.

Did anyone read the thread!?!? OP didn't say she was going to leave her 9yr old in a café. She specifically said she wasn't going to. She literally said:

I don't think she is quite old enough yet but I was wondering what age people would think it was ok to do this?

My instincts say 11. Late end of Year 6 at the earliest but by Yr7 most kids are allowed to meet up with friends unsupervised so an hour in a café with a book should be fine. Maybe a couple of extra quid so she can order another drink/biscuit so she isn't seen to be taking up a table that other paying customers could use.

I do agree with others that home seems to be a safer place to leave your child than a public café but I suppose it depends somewhat on how far you're traveling. An hour in a café or two hours if you have a 30min drive there. Which is preferable?

No, you can't. Restaurant staff are not your free babysitters. They need table space for paying customers.

Well you can't leave them in the library at that age (although weirdly you can leave them at the swimming pool not that I would) so I doubt the cafe would be very happy about it. What if they tell her she has to move because they need the table? What if someone comes and says "can I sit here with you, the other tables are full?"

I'm guessing it's the difference between 2 hours at home, or an hour in the Cafe.

Yes it’s this - just less time apart, and we’d be physically closer.

No she’s not disabled - a PP hit the nail on the head that she’s just very busy during the week and likes a bit more downtime at the weekend then the rest of us do!

I’m in no rush to do it but was just curious. As a child in London I was going out by myself to various shops, cafes etc at primary school so secondary age seems quite old for something like this. She would obviously be a paying customer!

She'd be much safer left at home

Well, I was shocked to find out a girl in DD's class was regularly taken to a museum for the day in the school holidays. As in her mum dropped her there when it opened, met her there for lunch and collected her when she'd finished work. She was 8.

It would be far safer to leave her at home for an hour than in a cafe. Although I'd allow it for supermarket trip but not for a day out like you describe. It's important for kids that age to get fresh air and see things. If she likes drawing, can you give her a camera so she can take photos to draw later.

Sorry, but she'd have to suck it up until at least age 11.

It's character building!

Age: 13 minimum.

I left my 13 and 14 year old alone in a pizzeria (with a pizza) for what I intended to be 5 minutes, but ended up being 25 and I was getting panicked trying to get back to them.

I would say 13 at the youngest.

I'm envisaging those lovely decades on between parenting small kids and retirement as blissfully National Trust free.

This made me laugh! It’s me that makes everyone go to the NT 😂 Poor DH is doomed to it for the rest of his life.

A cafe is not a childcare service so if you wouldn't be comfortable leaving her anywhere else e.g. a shopping mall, cinema, anywhere out and about, then you shouldn't leave her in a cafe. The staff are there to serve food and drinks, not to look after your kid.

It completely baffles me why people let their children decide such things. I know one person who kept giving in to their child, even down to not visiting grandparents at Christmas because they preferred being at home. Guess who is now housebound with huge anxieties with no friends, no life, no future at the age of 24, and feeling suicidal.

Get them outside, exercising, with family. It won't kill them. Pandering to them could.

My daughter started walking into town on her own and going to Costa/another local cafe when she was 10 and about to go into Year 6.

Times have changed a vast amount from when you was that age i am sure!

Absolutely not!!! Never. Anything could happen!
If said child would prefer more "down" time then you have to suck it up and miss out too. Perks of having kids I'm afraid! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Yeah, also this. It won't kill her to come for a walk with you.

I used to work in a cafe years ago and some woman dumped 2 kids with us and went off shopping in town they were about 7 and 9

It was pre mobile so the owner phoned 999 police took them and the mum came back 4 hours later and was "fuming" but I bet she didn't do it again

Lately she has been asking to stay home sometimes when we are heading out as a family so she can read or draw

It's ok to say no and simply take her with you.

I would leave them at home but not in a public place on their own. In a public place means that random members of the public might feel responsible.

Sorry it's a cafe not a babysitting service. At 9 she comes with you. Nip it in the bud now or the teen years will be hell. Kids need to know opting out of family life isn't an option

Can't believe anyone would consider this.

Absolutely not! I’m shocked you’re even asking

If you're not comfortable leaving her at home you shouldn't be comfortable leaving her in a place where she knows nobody and would be surrounded by strangers.

OP i have a very sensible and mature ten year, who is starting to enjoy some independence. We were at a NT place just a couple of weeks ago and I was waiting for the food and he went outside to grab a table. He came running in panicking as the fire alarms had gone off and being outside had seen the staff telling people to evacuate before they came indoors.
He was in a real state, upset because I was inside and completely ignored the direction from staff to leave the courtyard and came INTO the building where I was.

I honestly wouldn't have predicted that reaction from him, so even if you feel like she would know what to do in certain situations the reality might be different.