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Original poster

At what age would you leave a child alone in a cafe for an hour?

245 replies

CoveredInCobwebs · 12/10/2022 14:44

DD is nearly 9. Lately she has been asking to stay home sometimes when we are heading out as a family so she can read or draw. I'm not comfortable with that but I do feel sort of, but not entirely, comfortable with the idea of leaving her in an on-site cafe e.g. National Trust cafe while the rest of the family walks around one of the trails.
She could have either my or DH's phone - she wouldn't take the piss and would only use it if there was some sort of emergency. I don't think she is quite old enough yet but I was wondering what age people would think it was ok to do this?

OP posts:
Tisfortired · 12/10/2022 16:43

My DS is 9, very sensible for his age but I would never dream of leaving him alone, anywhere.

BalmyBalmes · 12/10/2022 16:45

SummerHouse · 12/10/2022 14:50

I would say secondary age so 11+

It's an interesting one though as I would probably feel for confident in leaving them at home at 11 rather than a café.

Depends a lot on the child I guess. It's a good question!

This^
If the child is sensible they're safer left at home than in a cafe where there are random strangers.
11 upwards for a sensible child

WeepingSomnambulist · 12/10/2022 16:46

This place is insane.

My 9 year old walks to the high street after school a couple days a week to get himself a sunshine before he walks home. Sometimes he sits in at the baker's if I've said that I'll meet him there.

A 9 year old is plenty old enough to sit iona a cafe.

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popandchoc · 12/10/2022 16:46

I'd rather leave my child at home than in a cafe at 9 with strangers etc around. However i would personally wait till 11 before i left them and was a distance away.

worriedatthistime · 12/10/2022 16:50

If I was. Cafe owner i wouldn't want a 9 yeAr old left alone in there as I would feel responsible if anything happened
Its no good saying in my day I did this and that as its not our day
Around here only about year 5/6 kids are allowed to walk home alone
Nspcc has some guidelines for rough ages if what is appropriate

WeepingSomnambulist · 12/10/2022 16:50

*slushie not sunshine

WeepingSomnambulist · 12/10/2022 16:55

I think there is a big difference between scotland and england here.

I dont know any schools on scotland with rules on kids walking home alone. The kids in primary 1 arent allowed out until the teacher sees a parent, but after P1, they're just let loose. You stand around outside the gate and they'll find you, or you tell them to walk home. The school dont have any involvement in kids leaving the gate after P1.
We have 4 primaries in my town. They're all the same. My friends on other towns say it is the same there.

Here, it is normal to see little kids walking home alone or with friends. If you're on the high street around 3PM, it is really normal to see primary kids getting themselves a snack from the shop etc.

From reading mumsnet, it seems schools in England dont let kids walk home alone until they're 11ish years old. And you dont let your kids out to the shops alone until that age.
I think you're letting the school rules dictate your parenting a bit too much.

MrsCBY · 12/10/2022 17:00

she’s just very busy during the week and likes a bit more downtime at the weekend then the rest of us do!

Well this is who she is, she has a need for downtime and your job as her parents is to meet her needs.

Either she does less in the week so she’s got more energy to join in with family activities at the weekend, or you do less at the weekend. Or can’t you and your DH split off sometimes?

You’re the one who likes doing the NT stuff so you take the other child(ren) and DH stays at home with her, some weekends. Some weekends you all just stay at home and chill. Some weekends you get her to come along too.

You have to find something that works for all of you, not just most of you.

And apart from the obvious safety aspect, sitting in a NT cafe as an eight (not yet nine!) year old on your own for an hour is not downtime. She needs to be safe and comfortable in her own home for that, as she has made clear to you.

Looking after your kids means sometimes doing things you don’t want to, or not doing things you do want to. That’s just the way it goes.

KeepOutingMyselfAnotherNameChange · 12/10/2022 17:04

Safer to leave the child at home then sat alone in a cafe on show to predators.

FineriesMine · 12/10/2022 17:04

YABU OP, no chance I would leave a nine year old by herself in a cafe, I wouldn't leave a 13-15 year old alone in a cafe where they can be accosted by anyone who sees them being by themselves.

I would have no issue with leaving a 9 year old at home for 30-45 minutes, provided I am very nearby (supermarket 5 minutes away) or taking dc's sibling to an activity by car 10 min away. But it depends on you child, one of mine would not have been ok to be left alone but one is.

Coffeetree · 12/10/2022 17:05

The OP says she feels almost comfortable leaving her child alone in a cafe, but at 9 she's not quite old enough yet. She then asks when would a child be old enough to be left alone in a cafe.

IHateWasps · 12/10/2022 17:05

My 9 year old walks to the high street after school a couple days a week to get himself a sunshine before he walks home

What's a sunshine?

FineriesMine · 12/10/2022 17:07

The OP says she feels almost comfortable leaving her child alone in a cafe, but at 9 she's not quite old enough yet. She then asks when would a child be old enough to be left alone in a cafe.

Not for a very long time, with a friend from secondary age for a short time.

WilsonMilson · 12/10/2022 17:07

Both options are ridiculous at such a young age, but surely staying at home is preferable to just abandoning her in a public place. Honestly, I can’t believe you even had to ask this.

WeepingSomnambulist · 12/10/2022 17:07

@IHateWasps

Was an autocorrecr from me trying to type slushie. I did correct myself a couple posts under it!

MrsAvocet · 12/10/2022 17:07

I think there is a big difference between a youngster meeting someone in a cafe or going in somewhere either alone with friends to buy a drink whilst they're out, and what the OP is suggesting. When my DS started going out for bike rides with friends when he was about 11 they would quite often have a "cafe stop" at the village cafe but they basically went in, bought a drink and a cake which they ate and then left, just like any other customer. Not an issue and as long as they were well behaved I don't imagine many cafe owners would object.
However an hour is a long time to occupy a cafe table. Unless the service is absolutely dire, I don't think I have ever spent that long in a cafe unless I'm having a proper meal. I actually don't think even adults should sit for that long reading a book nursing one coffee for ages like you sometimes see, but at least they are completely responsible for themselves. It would be fairly obvious that a child sitting in a cafe with a book or some colouring for that length of time was not there primarily for refreshments, and whilst the staff may not be being asked to look after them, if something untoward did occur, they'd almost certainly have to handle it. Also, at most of the NT places near us, the cafes are often really busy and neither the staff nor customers waiting for a table are likely to be pleased about one table being out of commission for an hour in these circumstances. So I don't think I'd do this at any age to be honest.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 12/10/2022 17:08

15 😳🤣, this place gets madder every day!

IHateWasps · 12/10/2022 17:09

My 9 year old walks to the high street after school a couple days a week to get himself a sunshine before he walks home

Thank you. I thought that I was missing out on some new treat but now I want a cola slushie. I haven't had one for over a decade.

jennakong · 12/10/2022 17:10

Setting aside my curiosity about why yr daughter doesn't like walking.

A nine year old, if sensible, is fine to be left at home alone for very short periods. As long as they know what to do in an emergency - a friendly neighbour, pref a woman, is invaluable.

A child in a cafe for an hour probably not, nine is a bit young. Ten minutes would be okay. Any longer than that, even if she is fine, rest assured that the usual suspects, ie busybodies, will be on her back before too long. Someone would probably call the bloody police and report you for neglect.

WonderingWanda · 12/10/2022 17:11

She should go for the walk, she's 9. The National Trust aren't going to want her taking up a table doing colouring for an hour. My 10yo and 13 yo get taken for walks round NT properties still and they quite like it!

LizzieSiddal · 12/10/2022 17:12

My main concern here is that you’ve said she’s very busy during the week and needs downtime at the weekend, you as a parent should be facilitating that.

So is she getting enough time at home for “downtime” with either you or her dad at home with her?

Naem · 12/10/2022 17:13

redskyhaze · 12/10/2022 15:14

Yeah, also this. It won't kill her to come for a walk with you.

Show quote history

Well it will probably make her never ever want to go to these sorts of places once she is old enough to choose, it is a great way to put them off for life. And it may well not do great things for the ultimate adult to adult parent child relationship either. I was an intraverted kid who preferred to read or draw rather than go on the outings that my parents so loved - museums, art galleries, zoos, national trust, walks. From about 9 I fought every time they wanted to go out (which was most weekends). And no, they wouldn't leave me (and yes, as an adult I do understand that), but we fought and fought and fought, and I cried and cried and cried - and ended up seeing a lot of these places through my tears. As soon as I was deemed old enough I stopped going to these sorts of places and have virtually never been back (until my DC were more than old enough, when I gingerly introduced them - generally due to their urging and only for as much as they want - and if I can palm it off on DH, I do, because they do bring back memories of simply being miserable and hating every minute of it while loathing not having any control over my life - of course, sods law, the DC are enthusiastic and love such trips, and I try very hard for them not to see how not keen I am, and I do enjoy seeing them get such pleasure - that is the one redeeming feature of it).

PenguinLove1 · 12/10/2022 17:16

Too young i think - people may try to talk to her etc and its not fair to put her in that position of being uncomfortable or not knowing what to do

Also unfair to the staff who could feel obliged to keep an eye out for her

What about finding a sports activity centre with a seating area so she can be sitting in full view of what ever family activity you are doing?

user53852098 · 12/10/2022 17:18

I don't think you could really leave her in a cafe even at about 11 or 12 but at that age you could leave her on a bench outside, the staff may not be too happy about DC being left in the cafe taking up a seat as she probably won't be consuming food and drink over that time

Ihatemyroad · 12/10/2022 17:19

Far too young to be left on her own in a cafe, even one in a very respectable, family friendly setting.

Probably 14 or 15 for me.

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