At what age would you leave a child alone in a cafe for an hour?

[CoveredInCobwebs]

DD is nearly 9. Lately she has been asking to stay home sometimes when we are heading out as a family so she can read or draw. I'm not comfortable with that but I do feel sort of, but not entirely, comfortable with the idea of leaving her in an on-site cafe e.g. National Trust cafe while the rest of the family walks around one of the trails.
She could have either my or DH's phone - she wouldn't take the piss and would only use it if there was some sort of emergency. I don't think she is quite old enough yet but I was wondering what age people would think it was ok to do this?

Far too young. Y7 earliest.

This was me during school holidays in the early 1990s. Single parent mother, limited leave, limited availability/money for holiday clubs. My home town had quite a few museums so during the holidays Mum would walk me to one and leave me until lunchtime, then after lunch I'd go to another or sit and read in the corner of her office. I think sometimes I'd stay in the city library for a bit. I would have been aged 9-11 at the time. I loved it, and it made an impact because I have been working in museums for almost 20 years.

Could she bring a friend so that the outings aren’t so dull for her?

Ir just mix it up so everyone gets the visits they like over a month - why can't everyone have a local day once a month where dd can rest st home with her toys, those that need to get out can take turns going for local walks. Then do a big family day once or twice a month, then some other variations of stuff.

It's a bit crap if you do the same exact sort of days out every weekend day every month.

So your husband isn’t bothered about going either. So why can’t you go with the children who want to go and he stays with the ones who don’t? At least some of the time anyway

I think there has to be some compromise that isn't leaving her in cafe.

Lazy morning at home then she joins in with family activity or vice versa. I think downtime is important, but leaving in cafe isnt the solution.

We used to do a lot of things, which nowadays is unacceptable eg leave the school premises at lunch time in the last 2 or 3 years of secondary. I agree with the consensus that secondary age is the youngest, preferably a little older. Eleven year old girls are in full puberty and can do really silly things.

She'd be better sitting in the car with a book no? Old enough not to mess with controls assuming she's NT and to unlock the door and get herself out in an emergency. Sitting still in the back reading a book it's unlikely anyone would even notice she was there.

11 would be my earliest age I'd leave in a cafe, definitely not 9.

I would leave at home for e.g. an hour provided she didn't mess around (e.g. with matches etc), no answering the door and preferably a neighbour to check on her (she could then answer the door).

Would leave sandwiches/snacks but no hot drinks.

What? Why in earth would you expose your child to complete strangers in a cafe but not leave her at home ?

Age 9 for a sensible child I would leave at home for a short time with instructions not to touch cooker, kettle etc, not to open the door under any circumstances and with a phone and the understanding of how to make emergency call.

DS went out to play independently with friends eg the Park or walking alone to friends homes in Y6 so 10-11. They may have gone into McDonald's together then as well .

Leaving him alone anywhere other than at home hasn't ever come up. I think I used to tell him when he was first year secondary if he lost his key and couldn't go to a friend'a house to go and sit in the public library.

I agree with those saying not before secondary school, and even then it depends on the child. I mean, at 8 I was out on my own all day in the holidays, and at 10 a friend’s dad used to get her to pick up a packet of cigarettes for him from the shop when we went (on our own) to buy comics, but it was the ‘80s and a different world!

No she’s not disabled - a PP hit the nail on the head that she’s just very busy during the week and likes a bit more downtime at the weekend then the rest of us do!

I thought it would be like this - my dd is just the same way! She is very active at school, ballet classes, clubs etc, so she sometimes likes to just have a weekend at home to relax. People love to say ‘just make her go’ but I think it’s about balance and seeing your kids as people. I wouldn’t want to get dragged around NT places when I was tired after a week of working hard. Unfortunately she does have three siblings who need to be run like dogs so they don’t drive me nuts, but we try to balance it so that she also gets plenty of time to chill and relax at home too doing her own stuff.

13. Before then you're basically asking staff to babysit her which they can't.

13

I don’t think it’s now ‘unacceptable’ to leave the school premises in higher level of secondary. Most secondary schools where I live allow older years to leave premises at lunch. I’d actually find it a bit opposite, a bit concerning if you think 14/15 year olds can’t be trusted to go to the shop for a drink on their lunch hour. These little bits of independence are good for teens.

Another vote for let your DH stay at home with her if he doesn't want to go either. Kids need downtime at the weekend, appreciate you want to go out and about, but she's telling you what she needs and your ignoring that

for secondary school my kids get on a train to the next town.
Once or twice they have missed the train.
They go and sit in the cafe on the corner for the hour until the next train. (with many phone negotiations as to what they are allowed to buy)

On that basis I would say 11, at the start of secondary school.

I am laughing (sorry) at the person upthread who couldn't leave a 13 and 14 year old in a pizza place for 25 minutes. My dd is 14 and she and her friends can go to the cinema without an adult, or take a bus into town and chill for the afternoon,which might include a McDonalds if she is feeling flush. She has been doing this since year 7

I started leaving my dd at home for a few mins at a time when she was 11, there's no way I'd have left her in a cage though

Loving thus typo

Cafe is not a crèche. It's not a safe place to leave a child.
Until you're happy your child is sufficiently independent and savvy to look after themselves then they need to be accompanied. Blocking seats for an hour in a cafe isn't ok.
My DD started going out with friends from maybe 10 to gain more confidence in getting to high school.
It's very child and activity specific though. I trusted DD to be home alone long before I was confident in her being alone out of the house.
From traveling to high school there's a big jump up in terms of maturity..but even traveling to school is rarely done solo.

Top parenting!

I would have left my DC in a cafe with a phone at age 12 earliest. And he's a sensible one.
9 is obviously far too young. She wouldn't have the social skills or confidence to stand up to adults who approach her/demand the table/get over friendly.

a PP hit the nail on the head that she’s just very busy during the week and likes a bit more downtime at the weekend then the rest of us do!

What is she doing in the week that makes her unable to enjoy some leisurely family time at the w/e?
Walking around a NT property isn't exactly taxing.

I felt jumpy leaving my 9 yo in the cafe area of our leisure centre whilst I was in a gym class (at the same leisure centre) so I definitely wouldn't do this at a NT place