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Original poster

At what age would you leave a child alone in a cafe for an hour?

245 replies

CoveredInCobwebs · 12/10/2022 14:44

DD is nearly 9. Lately she has been asking to stay home sometimes when we are heading out as a family so she can read or draw. I'm not comfortable with that but I do feel sort of, but not entirely, comfortable with the idea of leaving her in an on-site cafe e.g. National Trust cafe while the rest of the family walks around one of the trails.
She could have either my or DH's phone - she wouldn't take the piss and would only use it if there was some sort of emergency. I don't think she is quite old enough yet but I was wondering what age people would think it was ok to do this?

OP posts:
Mariposista · 12/10/2022 15:59

Not only is it too young, she is also at an age where it’s not yet up to her what she does.
do her good to get out in the fresh air tbh

Kanaloa · 12/10/2022 15:59

TheOrigRights · 12/10/2022 15:57

a PP hit the nail on the head that she’s just very busy during the week and likes a bit more downtime at the weekend then the rest of us do!

What is she doing in the week that makes her unable to enjoy some leisurely family time at the w/e?
Walking around a NT property isn't exactly taxing.

Some people like to relax more than others/want to recharge in their own home rather than trudge round a NT in the rain. It’s perfectly normal. Lots of adults value time to relax with a book or just have a lazy weekend after a busy week. It’s not exactly ridiculous that a child would also sometimes want a relaxed time. Also op doesn’t say her dd does this every time - she occasionally expresses that she would rather relax with a book or do some drawing than walk round a NT. That’s fine and normal, and healthy that she can express it.

toomanyflapjacks · 12/10/2022 16:00

MomwasCasual · 12/10/2022 15:10

Sorry, but she'd have to suck it up until at least age 11.

It's character building!

This is pretty much my approach, even with my younger teens! It's a family day out, opting out not an option. Sometimes they even have fun...

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sagalooshoe · 12/10/2022 16:00

The cafe does not want to be responsible for your 9 year old. What if everyone did this? They are not a creche. Your child is not their responsibility.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/10/2022 16:02

As an aside, I think a 9 yo taking up a table in a NT cafe for an hour is taking the pee slightly unless you're giving her enough money to keep herself in pop and cake.

Why can't you do something you all like?

TokyoSushi · 12/10/2022 16:03

DS is Yr 7, age 11. I'd happily leave him at home for an hour with his phone if we weren't going too far. It wouldn't cross my mind to leave him in a cafe, honestly for years yet! More than anything because the café staff wouldn't want to be responsible for him (although he'd be completely fine)

liveforsummer · 12/10/2022 16:03

I'd leave dd I bet home before a public cafe. For a start it's pretty out of order for one person to hog a cafe table for a whole hour but what if she got bored and came to look for you, was approached by a stranger, asked to leave for sitting there hogging the table, fire alarm went off. My Dd9 can easily stay at home for a short time but I'd not leave her on a random cafe in public. Home is way safer

OriginalUsername2 · 12/10/2022 16:03

Not nice for the owners of the cafe. They’re not childminders.

Also weirdos exist.

BigWheels · 12/10/2022 16:04

We had a similar issue in the local library. The parents didnt have any childcare for an hour per week so they were leaving a 10 year old in the library for an hour while the mam finished a shift across the street. After a few weeks the library staff cottoned on to what was happening and I overheard the conversation they were having with the mother while they were telling her not to do it.

Firstly the space is open to the public, anyone can walk in and convince the child to follow them out and then do god knows that to them.

If there is a serious accident and medical attention is required they may not ba able to find you.

In case of an evacuation your child may not be where they expect them to be when you come back.

The staff arent responsible for the child and it can put them in a difficult position of the child approaches them for help.

Child could get up to mischief and could intentionally or unintentionally damage something or harm themselves or others.

They gave the advice that they wouldnt expect to see an unaccompanied child in the library until arpund 14 years old.

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/10/2022 16:06

12ish?

Can you organise your weekends so she gets some downtime? Family time is important, I wouldn’t be allowing her to drop out at this age

SleepingStandingUp · 12/10/2022 16:06

CoveredInCobwebs · 12/10/2022 15:12

I'm envisaging those lovely decades on between parenting small kids and retirement as blissfully National Trust free.

This made me laugh! It’s me that makes everyone go to the NT 😂 Poor DH is doomed to it for the rest of his life.

So you choose to have her busy in the week with after school clubs and she sensibly would like some down time. DH also isn't bothered. But you insist everyone has to do what yo u think is FUN? Why can't you leave them both home and go out alone?

Coffeetree · 12/10/2022 16:07

The OP actually says that she thinks 9 is too young!!!!

She's asking what would be the correct age.

Cue 1000s of posters: "Zomg 9 is too young what's wrong with u".

antelopevalley · 12/10/2022 16:09

She would be safer at home by herself.

Timezoned · 12/10/2022 16:09

Sorry but shes too young at 9
Usually NT and such like places expect as a condition of entry that children are accompanied by an adult - and remain with the adult
My DP manages a similar type of site and a child left alone would trigger a “ lost child “ incident which would take up valuable time of the staff unnecessary as your child wouldn’t as much be lost as left unattended but it would still be policy that the child and parents are reunited

Rosehugger · 12/10/2022 16:09

I'm trying to remember when we left DD1 in a cafe while we went into some caves (she didn't fancy it). I think she would have been 11, and it would have only been for half an hour.

It would't feel quite right to me to leave a 9 year old in a cafe for an hour. I used to leave DD1 at home for probably half an hour tops at that age, playing on the computer or watching TV, but a cafe is different.

If she doesn't want to come, perhaps she's enjoy it more with a friend, or could have a playdate with a friend instead.

Spookypants25 · 12/10/2022 16:10

Please don't leave her unsupervised. It doesn't matter how well behaved a sensible she is, a phone can't stop a predator and cafe staff will feel they have to keep an eye on her. She's nine and I can't believe you're asking this, of course it's a no.

liveforsummer · 12/10/2022 16:10

Tbh I would t leave a child alone in a cafe in that circumstance at any age. It's an odd thing to do and a long time for one person to hog a table. As lots have said it's far safer once they are ready to leave them at home which is do from around 11 or close to, depending on the individual child. The cafe is an odd and unfair option - if she's coming with you she's coming with you surely? If she wants to chill and have down time home is surely the best environment for that too

antelopevalley · 12/10/2022 16:10

@big 14!! Bloody ridiculous.

AriettyHomily · 12/10/2022 16:10

Depends on the cafe, my local independent 2 mins away where they know the kids, maybe, but I wouldn't want them to feel in loco parentis. The Starbucks in town not a chance.

liveforsummer · 12/10/2022 16:11

Coffeetree · 12/10/2022 16:07

The OP actually says that she thinks 9 is too young!!!!

She's asking what would be the correct age.

Cue 1000s of posters: "Zomg 9 is too young what's wrong with u".

No, she's said she feels she's too young to leave home but might feel comfortable leaving her in the cafe

Spookypants25 · 12/10/2022 16:11

Meant to add as you asked what age to be left i can't answer that as every child and situation is different

GG1986 · 12/10/2022 16:18

The cafe probably wouldn't allow it, they aren't responsible for your child. 9 is far too young, over 12 maybe if a sensible 12 year old, but even then I probably still wouldn't leave my child.

itsgettingweird · 12/10/2022 16:18

A sensible 9yo can be left at home for 5-10 minutes whilst you nip to a corner shop.

Perhaps introduce this slowly so she's getting the independence she craves but no to when you go out for an hour and no to public cafe.

MissMaple82 · 12/10/2022 16:20

What a bloody stupid question.

reigatecastle · 12/10/2022 16:24

Walking around a NT property isn't exactly taxing

I'd have found it very boring at the age of 9. If she's busy in the week I suspect that she is getting plenty of exercise. If she wants to stay at home, stay at home and take the other kids out to a park.

No child was damaged by not having to spend every weekend having "family time" at a NT place.

As for all of you saying the 1980s were a different world, they were, but the risks were no less! We are just far more worried these days.