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Original poster

At what age would you leave a child alone in a cafe for an hour?

245 replies

CoveredInCobwebs · 12/10/2022 14:44

DD is nearly 9. Lately she has been asking to stay home sometimes when we are heading out as a family so she can read or draw. I'm not comfortable with that but I do feel sort of, but not entirely, comfortable with the idea of leaving her in an on-site cafe e.g. National Trust cafe while the rest of the family walks around one of the trails.
She could have either my or DH's phone - she wouldn't take the piss and would only use it if there was some sort of emergency. I don't think she is quite old enough yet but I was wondering what age people would think it was ok to do this?

OP posts:
viques · 12/10/2022 16:24

CoveredInCobwebs · 12/10/2022 14:44

DD is nearly 9. Lately she has been asking to stay home sometimes when we are heading out as a family so she can read or draw. I'm not comfortable with that but I do feel sort of, but not entirely, comfortable with the idea of leaving her in an on-site cafe e.g. National Trust cafe while the rest of the family walks around one of the trails.
She could have either my or DH's phone - she wouldn't take the piss and would only use it if there was some sort of emergency. I don't think she is quite old enough yet but I was wondering what age people would think it was ok to do this?

So you think it ok to rely on the people in the cafe , staff and customers to look after your child in the event of an emergency?

If I was the cafe manager I would be furious if a family dumped their child in my cafe while they strolled off to enjoy their day, another reason being that she would be taking up a table that could have paying customers sitting at it.

reigatecastle · 12/10/2022 16:25

MissMaple82 · 12/10/2022 16:20

What a bloody stupid question.

Glasshouses and stones....

...read the OP next time.

lanthanum · 12/10/2022 16:25

The cafe staff may well have a view on this, if not a policy. I know our library service has a policy - people were leaving their kids in the library and going shopping.

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reigatecastle · 12/10/2022 16:25

So you think it ok to rely on the people in the cafe , staff and customers to look after your child in the event of an emergency

and another one who hasn't read the OP properly

And OP I concur with the those who've said secondary age - maybe summer term of Y6 at a push as they start to become more independent then.

TheHideAndSeekingHill · 12/10/2022 16:26

I think my parents would have left me in the (locked) car at that age with a good book if I really wanted to just be quiet or if they had to go somewhere for work for example. Obviously knew how to get out and where to go/who to call if I was worried.

Had to laugh at this We had a similar issue in the local library. The parents didnt have any childcare for an hour per week so they were leaving a 10 year old in the library for an hour while the mam finished a shift across the street. After a few weeks the library staff cottoned on to what was happening and I overheard the conversation they were having with the mother while they were telling her not to do it - I wonder if that's a difference in towns because IME libraries always have a number of solo kids, either picking books, doing their homework etc.

I'd be more comfortable a) waiting til the kid was about 10, year 6 b) leaving them somewhere with less "bustle" like the library. As others have pointed out, the problems are likely to come when others try to interact with her - whether that's being creepy/overfriendly (unlikely but possible), worrying about why she was alone, or trying to nick her table!

hdoodle · 12/10/2022 16:28

As a parent to teens, I encourage you to require your daughter come along on family activities at this age and through middle school. If you allow her to “opt out” as a 10 or 11 year old, you may find that she develops the expectation that it is okay to decline weekend family activities in the future.

WimpoleHat · 12/10/2022 16:28

If I was the cafe manager I would be furious if a family dumped their child in my cafe while they strolled off to enjoy their day, another reason being that she would be taking up a table that could have paying customers sitting at it.

I agree with this. I’d probably let my two (13 and 11) go and have a drink on their own together in a cafe, or would arrange to meet the older one in a Costa or something. But 8/9 is far too young, I’m afraid.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 12/10/2022 16:29

No way and i would be pretty certain the cafe management would not be happy with this either. She is a child and not their responsibility.

Coffeetree · 12/10/2022 16:29

liveforsummer · 12/10/2022 16:11

No, she's said she feels she's too young to leave home but might feel comfortable leaving her in the cafe

Show quote history

That is absolutely not what OP has written.

Zosime · 12/10/2022 16:30

They gave the advice that they wouldnt expect to see an unaccompanied child in the library until arpund 14 years old.

Ridiculous.

Genevieva · 12/10/2022 16:30

Where I live children walk and cycle to school independently from the age of 7. They also walk / cycle to the local shops. The idea that I 9 year old has no capacity or ability to understand risk or demonstrate common sense is very new.

Northe · 12/10/2022 16:31

Where we live the kids start middle school at age 9 and all walk to school, go to cafes and parks and have phones at that age so I don't think she is too young to stay in the cafe or home alone for a relatively short period. That said, it would probably be better for her to join the family walk if that's the other option! She is very young to opt out of family activities.

viques · 12/10/2022 16:33

reigatecastle · 12/10/2022 16:25

So you think it ok to rely on the people in the cafe , staff and customers to look after your child in the event of an emergency

and another one who hasn't read the OP properly

And OP I concur with the those who've said secondary age - maybe summer term of Y6 at a push as they start to become more independent then.

I have read it, seems clear to me the OP has decided that her dd is plenty old enough to leave and just wants the MN collective to agree with her to confirm her entitlement to free childcare enforced on total strangers. I am pointing out that being so entitled does not take account of other cafe users opinions and wishes.

OperaStation · 12/10/2022 16:34

I think the cafe would report you.

Cotswoldmama · 12/10/2022 16:35

I've left my 9 year old for about an hour before and he walks home by himself but alone in a cafe seems more risky to me, I think secondary school age for that.

BeanStew22 · 12/10/2022 16:35

Depending on your child’s level of maturity around 11/12 (and then making sure she’s ordering food or drinks)

I’d think about getting her used to doing things ‘independently’ now to see how she copes - eg hover in the background when you are in public places to see how she reacts and to encourage a bit of maturity and independence in a sage way

MyneighbourisTotoro · 12/10/2022 16:35

I’d rather leave her at home than in a cafe! Far too young imo, I wouldn’t even leave my 11 year old alone in a cafe.

liveforsummer · 12/10/2022 16:36

Genevieva · 12/10/2022 16:30

Where I live children walk and cycle to school independently from the age of 7. They also walk / cycle to the local shops. The idea that I 9 year old has no capacity or ability to understand risk or demonstrate common sense is very new.

My 9 year old wake to and from school on her own, sometimes gets home before me if traffic is bad so lets herself in. My 12 year old goes up town, stays home all day alone goes out with friends to costa etc. I wouldnt find it acceptable to leave either of them in the cafe under the circumstances OP describes. I'd leave the 12 year old at home or if she wanted, in the car by next year I'd do the same with my 9 year old (she's not that far off 10 now). I'd leave my granny sat in the cafe with a cup of tea a scone but an able bodied dc if they have come they can go on the walk or stay at home. Yes 9 is a bit young for that but the answer varies of when is old enough as all dc are different

CherryLongIsland · 12/10/2022 16:36

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/10/2022 14:58

If you have younger kids, why would you not bring them to National Trust? Surely thats the whole point - to get them out in the fresh air and have a good run about?

I'm envisaging those lovely decades on between parenting small kids and retirement as blissfully National Trust free.

Who goes if not a parent trying to tire out their kids, or a retired person with time to spare?

Exactly, DH has to bribe me with a cream tea to go with him and the children!

SquigglePigs · 12/10/2022 16:38

Being upfront I have a 3 yr old so no idea how I'll feel when I'm in that position but thinking back to how I felt at that age...... I understand her wanting to be left home sometimes. I wouldn't feel safe leaving her in a cafe, even a "safe" NT one. You can't predict who might approach her. At 9 though, as long as you agree ground rules like no answering the door and no cooking I don't see why you couldn't let her stay home for an hour or so on her own.

hdoodle · 12/10/2022 16:39

If your daughter is very busy during the week, then the weekend walk is an opportunity to spend time with her family. Allowing her to sit out sends the message that family time is third to her weekly activities and her alone time. If the family activity was very age/interest specific, like a soft play center for littles, it would be understandable for her not to go. But a walk is for everyone! Soon enough she will be a teenager and will be asking to be with her friends instead of family, so try to establish some expectations now.

Maverickess · 12/10/2022 16:39

At a place like you describe where maybe you could be a good walk away from the cafe should she need you, or possibly even lose phone signal if you're in a remote NT place, that DD doesn't know then I'd say 12 or 13.
I would say younger if it's Tesco café and you're going round doing the shopping, I think the place, how far away you'll be and how well she/you know it has a bearing on the age that I'd leave a child.
It's unlikely that anything would happen, but café staff there to serve customers, not only are they not supposed to be responsible for a child, but they could also be anyone, and it is obvious when a child has been left somewhere like that to staff, and probably customers.
I was one of those kids out until it went dark and getting the normal service bus to school after a 15 minutes walk at 11 - but I was nearly always with other kids, not alone, and I think that makes a big difference too. Two 9/10/11 year olds? Possibly, but not one on their own, on their own I think they would need to be older.

TheHideAndSeekingHill · 12/10/2022 16:41

Missed that bit They gave the advice that they wouldnt expect to see an unaccompanied child in the library until arpund 14 years old. I'm wondering if that's some kind of specialist library? Most libraries with a children's section realise that children will be there, surely? I must have spent at least 2 hours a week alone in the library after school and absolutely loved it - it made me the nerd I am today. The librarians all knew me and knew I was fine.

DottieGinger · 12/10/2022 16:41

I think she would be safer at home. But I would still encourage and expect her to be participating in family things like that at her age.

Our kids won’t be allowed to be home alone until they are in secondary school or maybe year six for very short periods.

worriedatthistime · 12/10/2022 16:42

No and I don't think the cafe owners would be too impressed either
I also wouldn't leave a 9 year old alone but some on here would