How would you react if your 16yo went to a cafe without asking first?

[Flamingoose]

16yo DD finished an exam unexpectedly early. No bus due for at least an hour. Pouring with rain. She spotted a friend in the same predicament and together they walked 10 mins to the shops, found a cafe and had a cuppa and a piece of cake.

When DD told me, my reaction was "How lovely! What a good idea. What cake did you have?!"

99% of mumsnetters would have the same reaction, surely?

But dd's friends parents have hit the roof. She should not have gone to the shops without permission. She's not allowed to go to a cafe by herself without adult supervision. It was dangerous and stupid and my dd is a bad influence, apparently? Again, they're 16. Not six.

Would any of you be even vaguely uncomfortable with this scenario? I'm genuinely trying to understand.

And to head off the obvious: No special needs, no illness, not a dangerous area, no cultural or religious reasons to consider, no prior history of bad decisions or reasons for friend to be so closely guarded. They're both rather nerdy, sporty, responsible, nice girls.

Well they’re nuts aren’t they? And massively controlling. Poor kid.

What?! That’s totally fine for a 16 year old never mind a pair of them
even my 13 year could and would do that

I'd be totally fine with it. They're 16!

Other mum needs a firm talking to. She may be worried that her DD didn't finish the exam properly, perhaps?

Ooooh that's very weird. Sounds like a controlling family.
Only requirement Id have is that she text me beforehand so I know that she's ok but otherwise her parents are very unreasonable

Same reaction as you OP. They are batshit.

I would have had the same reaction as you @Flamingoose. Your poor DD’s friend.

I can understand both sides, but at the same time, when would they allow their dd more freedom and knowledge of the risks of the world, as long as you do Jason borne style philosophy when in different cafes ect, and have an escape route planned etc, then in theory gives better survival chances, sooner or later their dd, will be an adult.

Those parents are absolutely unhinged, and I feel horrible for their daughter. She is being suffocated by their lunacy.

I suppose there could be something you don’t know about? Parents sibling went missing aged 16 , parent traumatised as a child?! Can’t really think of anything else.

Would any of you be even vaguely uncomfortable with this scenario? I'm genuinely trying to understand.

They clearly have their reasons for feeling so strongly about it.

Only they know what they are. I don't think MN can help you understand.

Very strange though.

It's the same with me, when I'm e.g. Walking in the woods or in different cafes or cities, have different route, that lead to x location, try not to double back on the same route, or if you have to, always be aware of strangers ect. It's never always prefect, but certainly helps.

Sounds like a cult.

That’s really strange. How sad for that poor girl.

I worked in a cafe when I was 16.

So they allow her to go to and from school via bus alone but the cafe is a step too far..at 16...

Very odd and scary to think that this girl will soon be an adult with probably no life experience/street smarts. Very sad for her too that she is being scolded for normal behaviour.

OP you have to find out what their issue is so that you can advise further. Very bizarre.

If it's a safety concern, surely sitting in a cafe is safer than waiting at the bus stop for an hour??

Honestly, I think either they're just nuts or there's some massive backstory like @Onehotmess suggests.

Well, I’d be fine with my 12YO DD doing that, with a friend, and texting me to let me know.

Such a response is hugely disproportionate, so something must be causing it.

But now they’re effectively isolating her from friends, and your DD is getting the message that they don’t approve of her, and it’s not worth the hassle of hanging out with her.

Which really, really isn’t great for the other girl.

Good grief. I had a Saturday job at 14, full time working in a theatre at 16 (along with school GCSEs & A Levels, plus sports clubs) & was pretty much free range at 16. I would have had the same reaction as you when my kids were that age (my son was working in the theatre/film/tv without a chaperone at that age too, pretty normal in the industry at 16).

There must be something underlying that has caused a reaction like that. I don’t think anyone here could honestly tell you why the parents are so angry.

I'd be really pleased if my dd did something like that. The only reason I can think of for the parents being so upset is if they were meant to be meeting her somewhere at a certain time and she wasn't there - they might have been worried and taken it out on her at the time.

It’s a cafe. With cake. Not an opium den. Total overreaction.

Does DD’s friend know why they’re overreacting?

My 11 year old occasionally goes to our little village cafe on her own and has a cup of tea. I cannot fathom the attititude of this girls parents, it is simply bizarre.

That’s exactly what I thought - I would rather my daughter find shelter and be somewhere where there are people than standing alone for ages at a bus stop in the rain! She sounds very sensible. As an adult that is what I would do if my bus was running late!

Oof. Scary overreaction from the parents there... I'd be concerned.

Sounds very controlling to me. My 14 year old dgd often goes to costa or some other place when she's hanging out with her friends. Sometimes they go to accessorize or somewhere then on to MacDonalds. Sometimes she chooses not to buy anything. She has her summer pocket money and she knows that when it's gone it's gone so she is learning how to manage her fun money. She only goes with a least one friend. She checks what time she is expected back and has her phone on her. What's not to like. The level of control that girl's parent wants can lead to a massive rebellion.