Things MN has made you paranoid about?

[ThinkingForEveryone]

I'll start:
I am fat....therefore I must smell.
I have pets....therefore my house is a germ ridden cess pit, that smells.
I use fabric conditioner on my laundry.....that must smell.
I sometimes wear a bra more than once.....I must absolutely stink on those days.
Obviously this is light hearted, I'm fairly confident I don't offend anyone with my body odour and my house is in reasonable order (and if you don't like it you have the option to piss off to your fresh smelling home!)
What threads do you read that makes you wonder what the general population must think of you?

And don't forget the absolute worse thing that can ever happen is your washing being darked on if it's left out!

Personally I'm feeling like a bit of a fraud now, like I shouldn't even be on here reading or replying, let alone having an actual account, just because last night I brought in a couple of 'inside' blankets and cushions in case it rained (am in an area where a hosepipe ban is due to come in end of the week), even though it's not actually rained for ages now, but I don't trust the weather apps anymore.

I realise that my behaviour was wrong and that my reasons for bringing them in were incorrect because being darked on or having spiders' willies being slapped up'n'down, willynilly, all over my lovely soft furnishings, turning them stiff with their 'juices', didn't even enter my head. I'm clearly not a real mumsnetter!

That anything over size 10 is fat .. a post this morning for example ..

This!

And that I can't make a massive salad and one chicken last a week - we must be the greediest ganets

Oh yes- skinny jeans, toilet brush and leaving my washing out overnight.

I am not even going to admit how often I (don't) change my bedding!

That my DD grew up lonely because she didn't have a sibling (ha! she had/has a better social life than me)
That skinny jeans, Doc Martens and a pixie cut at 56 years old means that I am trying too hard. I should be wearing Boden and sensible shoes at my age (not a fucking chance).
DP has no social skills and is a waste of space because he is a gamer (he's very social, works full-time and does more of the housework than I do).
I have more than a thimble full of wine over the weekend so I'm a raging alcoholic.

All of which is going to secure me a place in MN hell.

I’m now terrified of buying anyone’s child a present.

Hahaha loving this. So i’ll be fat, frumpy, bought dog rather than rescued him, blah blah 🤣🤣🤣

That someone will run my toothbrush round the toilet rim.

I feel paranoid as an only child, who raised an only child with my husband who is also an only child!

I feel bad because I live in social housing and claim benefits. I don't work due to ill health. According to MN I'm getting free housing and money 🙄

There is no correct way to own a dog.

You're always doing something wrong I'm MN eyes

Being a stepmother. We seem to be truly hated on MN. The way some stepmum posters are responded to is disgraceful.

That because my children have autism I shouldn't leave the house incase their flapping upsets anyone and they shouldn't be in mainstream schools even though one doesn't
Qualify for special school 🤷‍♀️
And of course because I'm bisexual I'm going to steal your husband 😉🤣

Also we've been on Butlins holidays and caravan holidays and cruise holidays and really enjoyed them.

We really are scum of the earth.

This!

A work friend was crying because she’d had a bit of bad health news. Even as I hugged her, I wondered “Can she smell behind my ears?”

I have a log burner. 😱

It's actually multi fuel but I only use logs on the odd occasion I light it which might well be a lot more often with the massive hike in gas and electricity bills expected this winter.

Well this willl get me a permanent ban as it's one of the worst crimes ever committed according to MN

I went for, and won, a court order for my (then) 12 yr old DSD to remain with me when me and her dad split up (he left for OW and DSD wanted to remain with me...were she had been living full-time since the age of 5).

I have, therefore, confused DSD and caused her untold MH issues....actually she's now in her late 30's happily married and lives in Canada with her DH and 3 DC's. We talk regularly and she still sends me Mother's day cards.

So many typos in that post...sorry.

Absolutely nothing! It amuses me no end though.
A few of the things that stand out for me are the anxiety about even the simplest everyday things, the competitive underrating, all the hand wringing and virtue signalling, and the absolute obsession with trans issues!
Thankfully, it’s not real life, so all is good!

Should say competitive under eating.

I take everything I read on MN with a pinch of salt tbh....

It's truly a miracle that we haven't been rounded up an put in a facility!
Some of the things we've been doing are shocking😂
It's a wonder some mumsnetters can walk among us without smelling salts!

I let people wear their shoes in my house.

I cuddle my grandchildren without asking their permission. (They love Granny cuddles).

I live in a new build.

I have a north facing garden (which is really sunny all summer).

I eat meat.

I wear skinny jeans.

I don't eat food I don't fancy and generally I don't eat if I'm not hungry, although I do eat if I am hungry.

A sure sign of disordered eating, apparently.