Things MN has made you paranoid about?

[ThinkingForEveryone]

I'll start:
I am fat....therefore I must smell.
I have pets....therefore my house is a germ ridden cess pit, that smells.
I use fabric conditioner on my laundry.....that must smell.
I sometimes wear a bra more than once.....I must absolutely stink on those days.
Obviously this is light hearted, I'm fairly confident I don't offend anyone with my body odour and my house is in reasonable order (and if you don't like it you have the option to piss off to your fresh smelling home!)
What threads do you read that makes you wonder what the general population must think of you?

I am, according to mn, a selfish arsehole because I listen to music in the garden on my speaker. Never mind the fact that there's always music or DIY or engine sounds or the noises of children playing around here and I've never heard anyone complain about it.

I live in a council house. There are a fair few people on here who seem to resent those of us who live in social housing.

I also stink, apparently, because I'm overweight and don't shower every day.

Not paranoid as such - but it was a revelation to me that apparently my mum was a raging child abuser because she let me get my ears pierced when I was five. I thought that was pretty normal, I’m sure I wasn’t the ear piercing trail blazer in my class at the time. All the girls had their ears pierced - it was the 90s. My mum is pretty plain and conservative in most ways but turns out she’s a complete wild card!

Reading how most Mumsnetters react to things has made me feel much better about my own life.

most people on here seem to spend most of their life either bing outraged at non issues, or curled up on a ball sobbing because an unexpected person has rang their door bell.

Every interaction with my adult daughters. I didn't realise until I joined MN how easily everything I say could potentially be interpreted as something other than I intended. Especially now that I'm also a grandmother.

Skinny jeans. I now am nervous to wear them for fear of being dated but note that there are plenty of younger people out and about in skinny jeans that look fine and dont seem to mind if mumsnet fibds them dated.

They’re not dated. I tend to imagine that those who hate on skinny jeans just don’t look good in them. They make my arse and legs looks great - and anything that makes my arse and legs look great isn’t ‘dated’ for me.

My DC's names. Two DS, traditional, boring and common (one not top 100 when named and the other ranked thirty at the time of birth.) DD's name is tacky and common, despite her being named after her grandmother long before it was popular. It's Evie, I'm almost scared to admit that.

I question my parenting all the time since mumsnet! I have to tell myself that my kids are actually really well behaved and lovely and that’s because of how I parent/have parented.

Telling your child off in public - performative parenting
asking your child to try their vegetables before pudding - putting them on a path to an eating disorder
all and any health complaint - peri menopause has started

Aww, Evie is a lovely name. Ignore the eejits!

Having non dyed, side parting hairstyle 😂 throw in my skinny jeans and cardis I'm fit for a nursing home 👵🏼

MN makes me paranoid about the state of my house - I don't Hoover, clean or launder things nearly enough. Who knew people washed towels daily?!

I also wear skinny jeans and am a SAHM 😮

Evie is a beautiful name. If I were to have a girl now, I'd call her that.

Im wearing my skinny jeans and a cardigan-no fucks given

I am paranoid now about washing behind my ears in case I pong-I give them an extra rub while I’m in the shower

DD's name is tacky and common, despite her being named after her grandmother long before it was popular. It's Evie, I'm almost scared to admit that.

For what it’s worth @Coachwork I’m pregnant now with number 3 and Evie is top of my list! It’s a lovely name in my opinion, I’ve always had it in mind but haven’t used it because I’ve got boys. And I don’t think it’s common at all, I’ve been a teacher for 10 years nearly and a TA before that and don’t think I’ve actually come across any! Maybe that’s why I like it, I don’t associate it with anyone.

I made the mistake of looking up DS 2’s name and coming across a mumsnet thread about it - apparently it’s a dog’s name 😂

I mustn't be washing my bedding often enough.

Evie is a beautiful name! If my son had been a girl he would have been an Evie..

Attaching a washing line to the concrete posts of the fences in my backgarden

Mumsnet also made me super paranoid and guilty throughout wedding planning - honestly wanted to send out apologies with the invites for no reason other than people here get so offended by being invited to weddings

I have an 8 year old boy. If I ever have grandchild by him I plan to sit in a corner, at least 50 inches far away from child and I have no intention to ever touch a child. Birthdays and Christmas, I intend to ask for specific list and buy just one thing for that list.
Once I found out I have that grandchild I'll never say a word about him to anybody, just in case, never mention the child.
And of course, at least first six weeks after birth I have no intention of visiting family, and after that only if I'm invited. I'm not sure I'm allowed to ask.
And I will neverm ever ask to be alone with a child even for a minute. Gof forbid I take him for a walk in the park, that is like stealing baby from a crib. No normal person ever does that.
To be honesr, after Mumsnet, I'm afraid to have one. Whatever I do, it will be wrong.

I think personally, most of the posters on here are people that I would steer clear of in real life so Im not bothered by most of what I read.

I do genuinely think this whole site is quite toxic, its very anti man and anti father. You dont have to be anti anything in order to advocate for the rights or protections of anything else.

Most of the posters seem overly hysterical about most things, everything is a red flag, people need therapy for every little thing, normal emotions are pathologised, people make up rules or laws that they have imagined in their heads.

Nothing, because I take it all with a very large pinch of salt. The nutrition police will be along shortly to point out that salt is the wankcrust of the devil.

I remember being a self conscious teen and my mum telling me not to worry because nobody in real life was actually paying any attention. According to MN she was dead wrong and everyone is looking and judging.

I'm fat, which is the MN cardinal sin. But I reckon all the daily towel washing and 3 times a day showering will taper off dramatically with the energy price rises coming this winter.

And I would fucking love an AI holiday.

I think salt is less the devil now that we all get to panic about UPFs. You have to be a vegan seasonal low carb clean eater these days or you'll die at 43 when your pancreas, liver, colon and gall bladder all collapse under the strain of toast.

Having the kids friends over is a minefield!
Can they have pizza and chips, is that common? Should I be serving insta worthy hummus and veg sticks on a cath kidston picnic blanket with matching plates,cutlery and glassware?
Also, I have dogs. Should they be locked in the cellar for the entirety of said visit (family friendly breed but one never knows)
Do I bleach the toilets before they arrive or will they be super smellers that geta headache and throw up from the smell....
Again, never had a problem with any of this in RL but I'm sure plenty of mumsnetters would have something to say!

Lighting my BBQ
Filling the paddling pool
what time of day I mow the lawn
letting my son play outside in the garden
co sleeping
That I give my child treats and occasionally bribe him

I must be a terrible human being!