Expressions you've learned on Mumsnet which you dislike/detest

[Homewardbound2022]

On the back of the thread about expressions you love and/or make you laugh, let's see which expressions have the entirely opposite effect.

Now, call me a cold-hearted unfeeling cow, many have, but the expression which makes me want to heave is "need a handhold". God the act alone of typing it brings me out in hives.

Your turn.

Give your head a wobble
All that shite about washing getting darked on and spiders rubbing their willies on it

My latest least fave is 'you do know, don't you?' - it's so superior and snotty.

Oh, and all that hysterical crap about burning down your house if there's a spider in it: newsflash, there are thousands of spiders in your house!

Christ. Dunno why I'm still here really!

Yes I agree with that one that I also would rather not type out

To be honest Im not sure why I spend a lot of time on this site, most of it makes me irritated

The whole DH instead of just saying husband and all the other family members, even pets. For fucks sake, drives me insane. Sometimes its difficult to make head nor tail of what people are saying

Also 'red flags', everything is a red flag to people on here, when its not.
Everything is misogyny even though its not

Also 'a hill to die on' ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH

Boils my piss. 🤮

Naice ham

'Fixed it for you.'

"Need a handhold" is the makes my sling feel like it's crawling worst ever phrase to read - p*as off I don't want to hold your grotty hand 🤮

Read the room
Educate yourself
Cunt

The ick. God, that phrase has the desired effect on me.

Batshit. What’s a bat got to do with it?!

“Unmumsnetty hugs”. I don’t understand that one. What’s wrong with a virtual hug?

Massive salad

Tinkly laugh

Oh yes 'read the room'

When someone dare posts that they've bought a pair of shoes or gone on holiday!!!

Read the room - some people have had to eat their armchair for food!!!

DH, DS, DD etc What a load of shite…

I really dislike posters proudly referring to themselves as vipers. Makes people seem proud of being awful.

I'm not a native English speaker, and I've learned a lot of words that I'd never use.

Picky bits - urgh

Head tilt and tinkly little laugh. If you did those in real life, people would think you were a twat.

I dont even know what people mean when they say it

Also vile which is used far too much for minor misdemeanours or views someone doesn't like .

Vile is for paedophiles not a difference of opinion

While I understand what 'DD', 'DS', 'DP' and 'DH' are, my brain is trained to think of DD as in the bra size, DS as in Nintendo DS, DP as in Dirty Pooper and DH as the initialism for dihydrogen (two water molecules). But then I'm probably just a nerd. So not a dislike/detest as such, more of a need to have my Mumsnet hat on when reading posts on here.

The newest one that I see all the time on here is 'lost my shit'

It's awful.

Yes to handhold also didn’t want to read and run and ducks in a row 😖

"Did you mean to be so rude?"

Seems to be feted on here as some sort of galaxy-brain put-down that instantly triumphs in any and all situations.

Don't think you'll feel quite so smug and clever if the response is a straight forward "yes".

And horrific.

I think Ive seen that applied to things like someones shopping list or child's diet sometimes!!!