Expressions you've learned on Mumsnet which you dislike/detest

[Homewardbound2022]

On the back of the thread about expressions you love and/or make you laugh, let's see which expressions have the entirely opposite effect.

Now, call me a cold-hearted unfeeling cow, many have, but the expression which makes me want to heave is "need a handhold". God the act alone of typing it brings me out in hives.

Your turn.

"I just spat my tea out laughing!"
No you didn't. 😐

Surely that's just a typo? Really easy to do on a phone keyboard. I do it all the time. It annoys me when I do it!

"I couldn't get worked up about this."

Adds nothing to the discussion at all and just smacks of smug superiority.

Also, whenever a poster mentions an unusual health/body thing that's happening to them, you'll always get at least one poster suggesting it could be the menopause, even if the OP is 22 or 89!

Itchy teeth. It just makes me think of furry teeth that need brushing.

'When someone tells you who they are, believe them.'

It's a good quote, but massively over-used on here to the point that it's lost all meaning. Also winds me up when people use it unnecessarily, e.g.

OP: A casual acquaintance who I never much liked anyway said something horribly racist and then pissed on my new carpet. I've blocked them completely and will never be speaking to them again.

Poster: When someone tells you who they are, believe them. This person just told you who they are, OP. (Wanders off congratulating themselves on their wisdom.)

Holibobs

@TeapotTitties

Even worse when someone replies with "Oh my love" or "Oh sweetheart".

Yeah, this makes me cringe: in my head, it's filed in the same category as 'hun'.

This is an anonymous forum, most of these people are perfect strangers to one another. It feels deeply inauthentic to attempt to force that level of intimacy with someone you do not and will never know.

You do you.

“Comparison is the thief of joy”

”veggies”

Any behaviour deemed ‘unusual’, is always a MH issue, or if a child they have ASD.

Children are either joined to your hip, cosleeping and breastfeeding until 15, or they sent away to boarding school at 2 weeks old - there doesn’t seem to be any middle ground.

Or their gall bladder. Or pregnant. Those are the only three health issues that affect Mumsnetters.

I particularly like the ones when the OP has explained that they have a dull throbbing pain in their left hip or whatever: I then place theoretical bets with myself about many posts in it'll be before somebody asks if they've had their gall bladder checked.

I mean, I know referred pain is a thing, but come on.

Also the whole "no one cares" mantra.
Op: I just had a baby, we both nearly died, I asked my Mom to visit but she said she's waxing her bikini line. Aibu to think that's harsh
Cue lots of "you have to accept no one is bothered about your baby except you / she owes you nothing / she already did her job etc
In reality people do care about each others lives and offspring, their special occasions etc

The 'ICK'

Also when a post title is clearly going to contain something personal, such as a picture of a fanny rash etc and someone comments to say its tmi and disgusting and offers zero advice... why click on the post in the first place?

@Savingpeoplehuntingthings The extra 'D' is for dear, not do. The saying is Do fuck off, dear (DFOD)

That is worse! Didn't call strangers on the internet dear is weird as well as condisending .

Grown women using the word boobs.

Even worse when used as a verb: "I boobed the baby to sleep"

These aren't expressions I've learned on here as such, but their use on here intrigues me.

'Fall pregnant' (as opposed to 'get' or 'become pregnant'). It used (IME) to be confined to 'true life' stories in women's magazines, but it seems to be all over here lately. I find it faintly misogynist tbh - somehow associating pregnancy with something halfway between an unfortunate accident and a moral failing (like 'fallen women').

'She's top of her class'. Who are all these MNers whose children appear to attend Malory Towers? What does that actually mean these days? Relatedly, 'flying academically' (that is one I have learned on here, and it's just insufferable).

'I was sat' and 'needs washed' are varieties of colloquial English (and this is an informal discussion forum, after all) common in lots of regions. 'I was sat' (IMO) also has an additional implication, of being in a frustrating position, not of one's own choosing - 'I've been sat here (like a lemon) waiting for you for two hours'. On the other one, those insisting it's 'needs TO BE washed' should check whether they themselves would actually say that in casual conversation. They're more likely (IMO) to say 'needs washing'.

'Anyways'.

I know it's dialect in some parts of America, but I'm sure British people are using it based on how many times I see it on here.

I don't want to read and run

just why? If you do read and run (what are you running from/to?) no one would know or care. If you have nothing constructive to add don't bother

😡please do not use that expression ever again

“Tone deaf” and “read the room”

'Time poor'

‘Needs washing’ is absolutely fine and definitely something I and others would say, I should have included that. Something needs a wash, needs to be washed or needs washing. Plenty of options and things that people do actually say. I have never heard someone say something ‘needs washed’, and I have Scottish family, am from the north east and have lived in London and the Home Counties. Just write how you’d actually speak is all I’m after!

"Attention-seeking", especially about children. As though it were pathological to want/appreciate positive attention.

HTH, not usually very helpful just mean.