Expressions you've learned on Mumsnet which you dislike/detest

[Homewardbound2022]

On the back of the thread about expressions you love and/or make you laugh, let's see which expressions have the entirely opposite effect.

Now, call me a cold-hearted unfeeling cow, many have, but the expression which makes me want to heave is "need a handhold". God the act alone of typing it brings me out in hives.

Your turn.

Fanjo meaning fanny or vagina. The word Fanjo is so babyish.

SanPro meaning sanitary protection. Wtaf ?

The usual biology lecture re: do you mean vulva ? When someone says vagina.

LO for little one. That used to mean poo back in the day.

'Insert occupation of choice' here, eg 'midwife here' 'teacher here' in response to some general enquiry. It lends a tone of 'stand back for an expert has arrived' to the thread. Why not just say 'I'm a teacher' or whatever.

In the same vein, 'think' eg DH has a hobby. Think golf or similar.

‘You sound very young’ as an attempt to be patronising.

See also 'howling' with laughter or 'in floods' of tears 😐

"How does this affect you?"

As if we're only allowed opinions on things that directly affect us.

Just because you CAN, it doesn't mean you SHOULD.

Used a million times on covid threads -
I have already been to the supermarket twice this month, but need milk. AIBU to go again and buy some? NO! Going to the supermarket KILLS people - Just because you CAN .....

So bloody condesending 🙄

"on my knees" always makes me think oh frig off and stop being a martyr.

"vipers" makes me cringe, considering most opinions you get are very common and mild.

I think a previous poster already mentioned the trend to categorise any behaviour that is either somewhat unusual or perhaps not that common as instantly either MH or the child has ASD. Or the adult has ASD

In fact Ive never come across so many people that have or their children have ASD

‘This too shall pass’ is not an MN phrase it’s part of a beautiful Persian proverb from around 1200AD. I find it v comforting 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is because if the subject matter makes the poster recognisable, then the recogniser will be in a position to access all the OP’s historical posts which may be personal / private. Why it makes sense to change your name for one off,
potentially outing posts.

Yy to Tone Deaf

Asking about where to put your savings for a decent interest rate on the money matters board? You’re Tone Deaf and should only post about universal credit and how to make £5 a day getting out your fadge on Only Fans

Hehehehehehe.

When someone asks if you can guess the gender of their baby there's always someone who comes along with
'Surely you mean sex? Gender is a social construct blah blah'.

We all know what the OP means, no need for a lecture.

I hate overuse of the words abuse/narcissist and controlling

Whilst sometimes these words are very appropriate, they are also often used when the other half is frankly just being a thoughtless knob but not with malicious intent and I think by overusing them it can detract from those situations when it genuinely is the case.

One thing I don't like rather than expressions is a need for some posters to be wanting constant updates, like it's the latest episode on Netflix. In stressful times your emotions are all over the place and you aren't always in the mood for having your life and actions judged by strangers- some of whom are kind and understanding and some of whom seem determined to make you follow their chosen course of action.

When people quote something then write:

”This.”

LO for little one. That used to mean poo back in the day.

Back in what day?

@DangerouslyBored it’s a Mumsnet phrase in the sense it gets used on here a lot.

Im glad it brings you comfort, but personally I hate it.

I agree with most of these but ‘The floor needs washed’ ‘the dog needs walked’ ‘the tea needs made’ are all totally normal expressions in our house / extended family - I just tried to think of other ways of saying them and they all sound weirdly wrong to me (but I am Scottish)

I'm another one who finds it comforting, it's been around way before MN.

Not an expression but why can’t the majority of people here tell the difference between lose and loose - it’s infuriating!

One thing I don't like rather than expressions is a need for some posters to be wanting constant updates, like it's the latest episode on Netflix.

'Any update OP?xx' The kisses are added to give the impression it's out of concern rather than impatience for the next instalment.

Wanna, gonna, kinda, sorta

And any post starting with, ‘Myself and X….’

LTB.

Its the go-to advice on MN for any level of misdemeanour. Usually followed by a massive stretch of bizarre assumptions from hysterical posters winding up a rather vulnerable OP.

“DH bought Also washing up liquid rather than Fairy liquid”
”This shows he’s feckless, doesn’t listen and clearly NEVER does the dishes. LTB”

”DH is his brother’s best man and they want to go to a nearby city for one night for the stag do”.
”Everyone knows men only go on stage dos to get prostitutes. LTB”

“DH chatted to another mum in the park”
”Sounds like a serial shagger to me. LTB”

”DH works 70 hours a week and in a SAHM to a 19yo son. DH always expects me to cook.
”What a lazy prick - being a mum to an adult man IS a job, and chores should be treated separately and distributed equally. LTB”

Aside from the fact that it makes me feel sorry for men, the reality is SO few women can easily leave a marriage at the drop of a hat. The sad truth is for many women, staying in an unhappy marriage is a better alternative to being a piss poor single mum only able to get a cheap rental because she otherwise relied on her DH’s income, and struggling by at an age where starting again is tough. For most women it’s far better to live with wet towels on the bed or dirty socks on the floor than to have to go down the path where wry few women win out of it

'Let's call them Fred and Susan" or any other combination.
"You can see where this is heading"
Probably because they indicate a big long dramatic (but usually needlessly) post that always needs a TL:DR

Boils my piss
Floods of tears
Through the roof (not as a general saying, just the MN version)

‘Are you on glue?’ Plus the DH/DWhatever stuff gives me hives.