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Original poster

Was I (unintentionally) rude?

222 replies

curiousitygotthebetterofme · 24/07/2022 18:44

My cousin’s DS recently graduated university and we were talking about it over WhatsApp yesterday.

I said something like “congratulations to him, he has done so well, what are his plans now? Masters Degree?”

She then replied and said something along the lines of “what do you mean Masters? No he is not going on to do a masters, he will be looking for graduate jobs. Why would you assume he will be going on to do a postgrad degree? He does not need to do a postgrad right now - or are you implying it isn’t good enough for him to not go on and do a masters??”

Surely I wasn’t being rude or making assumptions? I only asked what were his plans and if he was going on to do a masters degree, because I was genuinely interested! I don’t think it’s rude to ask, or is it?

that aside, I’m shocked by her response, so I replied bluntly and said “that’s ok, I was only asking!”

OP posts:
EternalPoinsettia · 25/07/2022 15:10

So there's history between you. Your question was very specific, if you had said is he planning a MA or grad job it would be a genuine neutral and open question. I suspect you knew it would hit a nerve for some reason. I don't buy your faux confusion

Original poster
curiousitygotthebetterofme · 25/07/2022 15:38

EternalPoinsettia · 25/07/2022 15:10

So there's history between you. Your question was very specific, if you had said is he planning a MA or grad job it would be a genuine neutral and open question. I suspect you knew it would hit a nerve for some reason. I don't buy your faux confusion

Ermmm no, not true.

i heard him mention on a few occasions that he may go for a masters degree when he finishes his undergrad.

Part of the reason why I asked her. Nothing wrong with what I asked.

she’s just creating an excuse to be an obnoxious little gremlin and start a fight.

OP posts:
Sartre · 25/07/2022 16:14

I wouldn’t say it’s rude. Guessing she’s a sensitive person and is probably thinking a degree is enough of an achievement so she doesn’t also need a post grad. Maybe you weren’t the first to ask and it’s got her back up a bit, who knows. I don’t think it’s rude personally.

Kanaloa · 25/07/2022 18:16

I mean why did you ask? Obviously you think you’re right and couldn’t possibly have been rude and she’s a ‘snowflake.’ So why bother even asking? For what it’s worth you do seem very aggressive/rude and have a bad attitude towards her so maybe she feels that and is more sensitive to your comments than she would be to other people’s.

Beercrispsandnuts · 25/07/2022 18:30

Well she’s already blocked you so I don’t think you need to worry about bothering with her again 😂 that horse has bolted op

anways if this is how you speak about people you like, I’d hate to see you discuss an enemy,

my take, she’s blocked you for good reason. Thay reason is clearly being shown in the way you are repeatedly and enthusiastically blading her and slagging her off on here, small hint, folks don’t usually do that to people they like.

ShaneTwane · 25/07/2022 18:33

Maggit · 24/07/2022 18:46

It was a weird thing to presume on your part. I think I would have found it odd and a bit snooty that you'd think that the natural next step was postgraduate education.

You would be an absolute dafty then wouldn't you? It's very normal to ask a graduate if they are going to do a master's. Not rude or snooty at all, it's a natural progression that many people go onto.

ChipsRoastOrBoiled · 25/07/2022 18:35

Is your cousin always so touchy! You said nothing wrong.

ShaneTwane · 25/07/2022 18:37

This is a classic mn thing, posters genuinely trying to turn a polite question into something it's not to get up in arms over for no reason. Desperately wanting to be offended crew.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 25/07/2022 18:41

If he has mentioned about doing MA in the past, you could have said that when she asked you why you mentioned MA.

BrokenToy · 25/07/2022 18:47

TBH it pissed me off a bit when my (lovely) MIL, when I told her I’d earned distinctions across the board in my L3, replied so are you doing the L4 next?

She meant well but I really just wanted to bask in my achievement and instead it felt like she was saying so when’s the proper achievement coming?

Cherrysoup · 25/07/2022 19:05

Very weird thing to ask. Why would you ask that? I’d just congratulate and ask what his plans are next. Odd.

QuestionableMouse · 25/07/2022 19:18

Cherrysoup · 25/07/2022 19:05

Very weird thing to ask. Why would you ask that? I’d just congratulate and ask what his plans are next. Odd.

How is it a weird thing to ask? 🤔🙄

ShaneTwane · 25/07/2022 19:20

Jfc it's not a weird thing to ask at all. It's a perfectly ordinary run of the mill question asked of graduates every day.

Hawkins001 · 25/07/2022 19:36

It's a reasonable question, a person I knew of from a distance in our degree course, went onto do a masters, at the same university we were at, and I presume it would be a common question at that time.

Original poster
curiousitygotthebetterofme · 25/07/2022 20:21

I don’t think it’s weird to ask a recent graduate if they are doing a masters. He’s not just anyone, he’s a family member.

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 25/07/2022 20:23

ShaneTwane · 25/07/2022 19:20

Jfc it's not a weird thing to ask at all. It's a perfectly ordinary run of the mill question asked of graduates every day.

The majority of graduates do not go on to do a Masters (and many that do, don't go on straight away). That's why it's a slightly odd question.

My DS is 18 and has just finished A Levels. He is thoroughly fed up of people asking if he is going to university.

If people were genuinely interested in what he was doing next, they would be asking open "What are you doing next?" type questions. Not leading ones.

Original poster
curiousitygotthebetterofme · 25/07/2022 22:04

She put up a ridiculous Facebook post tonight consisting of a photo of a quote about poisonous and toxic people and captioned it something like “as you all know my (DS) achieved really well in his degree, it’s a shame some of my own family and friends don’t see it that way and felt it was necessary to bring him down!!”

I would assume it’s about me and her MIL. I’ve took her off my friends list. Really can’t be bothered with her anymore.

OP posts:
saraclara · 25/07/2022 22:11

Do you know her MIL? She might well appreciate someone to sound off to. She must be feeling crap, what with it being her grandson.

As for all the people on here thinking your question was rude, words fail me. I can only think that they haven't had kids at uni. It's an absolutely normal question that implies a compliment.

Bindayagain · 25/07/2022 22:13

Never was I ever asked this... always just what were you going to go on to do next (and I did do a masters!)
I do think, especially if there's some history, it does sound a bit goady.

EllaPaella · 25/07/2022 22:27

You weren't rude.. she read far too much into it and is likely projecting her own feelings. Perfectly ordinary question to ask what's next. Your cousin sounds like hard work. That kind of facebook post is the kind that most people just roll their eyes at. Drama queen. If I were you I would message your cousins son privately to say well done and then just leave it at that.

RampantIvy · 25/07/2022 22:41

As for all the people on here thinking your question was rude, words fail me. I can only think that they haven't had kids at uni. It's an absolutely normal question that implies a compliment.

Yes, I agree.

The Facebook post will not show the OP's cousin in a good light at all. Even more people will think she is an oversensitive drama queen after reading that.

It is interesting that she mentions friends as well as family in her outburst, so it appears that she is extremely easily offended if other people have been asking similar questions. She sounds like hard work. I have no time for people that I have to tread on eggshells around.

saraclara · 25/07/2022 22:47

Since family memberS and friendS have obviously asked the same question, it can't be as rude or as unusual as some posters seem to think. That's a minimum of four people who've asked it.

shedwithivy · 25/07/2022 23:15

I suspect there is more to this on her side that you are aware of... jealousy or believing that you think your children are better than hers. Or yours are favoured in some way (real or perceived). It obviously hit a nerve for some reason.

This happened in our family and the constant smoothing over with the offended family member was exhausting, they one by one fell out with and went NC with every relative eventually. They love to post every detail of their lives on social media though.

I don't think you can do any more now OP.

Original poster
curiousitygotthebetterofme · 26/07/2022 09:53

DM just text me to tell me she rang her and started badmouthing about me. DM just rolled her eyes.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 26/07/2022 10:10

DM just text me to tell me she rang her and started badmouthing about me. DM just rolled her eyes
So your mum is adding to the drama rather than shutting the convo down.
So the saga continues!

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