Was I (unintentionally) rude?

[curiousitygotthebetterofme]

My cousin’s DS recently graduated university and we were talking about it over WhatsApp yesterday.

I said something like “congratulations to him, he has done so well, what are his plans now? Masters Degree?”

She then replied and said something along the lines of “what do you mean Masters? No he is not going on to do a masters, he will be looking for graduate jobs. Why would you assume he will be going on to do a postgrad degree? He does not need to do a postgrad right now - or are you implying it isn’t good enough for him to not go on and do a masters??”

Surely I wasn’t being rude or making assumptions? I only asked what were his plans and if he was going on to do a masters degree, because I was genuinely interested! I don’t think it’s rude to ask, or is it?

that aside, I’m shocked by her response, so I replied bluntly and said “that’s ok, I was only asking!”

I’m guessing and I’m not sure why, but I’d actually put money on it that her side of this little saga would be very different indeed.

you clearly don’t like her , so there is more to this than you are owning up to. Giving all these examples of things she’s done wrong. You obviously dislike her intently.

You touched a nerve. Being offended by a question someone asks is completely alien to me to be honest, always has been. But then I often offend with my bluntness. I just can't be arsed faking stuff or speaking to people who aren't just being their warts and all selves.

Good grief, I never said I don’t like her. Her behaviour and some of the things she says are a bit full on/ridiculous sometimes.

i asked her if her son was doing a masters and she flew off the handle.

Yep. I don’t think I was being rude at all. I congratulated him.

it would be rude if I had said “so, he must be going on to do a masters now? What else could he be doing apart from a masters?”

Not rude.
Once my son had got his degree he was asked - by the Uni - did he want to do his master?
I said to him - will you do it?
Perfectly reasonable question.

I would take it like this tbh.

PP is so right. If he had actually been going on to do a masters and I had said the same thing but instead of asking if he was doing a masters, if I asked if he had a job now, she’d be offended by that!

Has she still blocked you?

Yes it would appear so.

I’m not texting her to apologise. I don’t think I’ve actually done anything wrong. She’s just being very silly and childish.

But were you talking as you said via Whatsapp or messaging? If the latter then things can be misconstrued.

Why don't people just, you know, talk anymore? Or would that cut MN threads by at least 50%

I'm not really sure why you bothered to make this post as people have made arguments for both sides (most of which have fair points) and you are convinced you are right anyway!

I don't understand the birthday example. She put money towards a birthday present for your mother and you then presented it as if it was from you?

No. I physically handed it to my mum at her birthday dinner as I’m her daughter and it was me who actually bought it so I had it in my possession.

My cousin and my siblings put money towards it. My mum knew this.

my cousin was angry at the fact it was me who was handing the gift over to my mother, she wanted to do it and claimed me doing it was implying “that I think I’m more important to my mum than she is”

I wasn’t rude. I only posted to see what others thought really but I don’t think I was being rude.

That’s the type of thing I’d say and get the exact over the top response to any given situation- now I just delete think fuck off and move on

It is a bit irritating when people post a thread asking "Was I rude?" and then insist "No, I wasn't" when people answer.

I think your comment was insensitive. If he isn't going on to do a posgrad degree, then your comment would have taken some of the shine off his achievement. There was no need for it, you should have just congratulated him.

She sounds like hard work, you don't tbh.

You both sound really petty. Arguing over who hands over a present it's the sort of thing my kids would argue about when they were 5 and 7.

My mum loves her nieces and nephews like they are her own children and would never make a difference between her actual children (myself and my siblings) and her nieces/nephews.

so what my cousin said in regards to the birthday gift was absolutely bizarre. I’m her daughter and I was the one who went out to buy the gift and I had it so of course I would be the one to hand it to my mother! And mum knew the present was a joint one from us all

I don't think it was rude.

I’m not sure how you can conclude that I’m being petty? Yes, my cousin was, but me? No.

it wasn’t me who started giving off about who handed my mum the gift, it was all her.

I was asking to see what others thought and to see what way others might have interpreted it because I was flabbergasted by her over the top response. People may think I was rude, but I, along with others on here, don’t think I was rude.

it was just a question. Why exaggerate it and make a big deal out of something that’s really not.

I think your comment was insensitive. If he isn't going on to do a posgrad degree, then your comment would have taken some of the shine off his achievement. There was no need for it, you should have just congratulated him.

Agree with this. But you think you were fine, so there was also no need to post this thread really.

How was it insensitive? I was being nice and congratulated the young lad - is it really so awful to ask someone if they are doing a masters right after they’ve done an undergrad?

Do you not think that her response was insensitive? She went off the rails at me when I was only being nice? Maybe she should have thanked me for congratulating him.