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Original poster

Partner not buying any food ....

203 replies

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:02

We have moved in together.
He earns around £1500 a month after tax and I earn £1000 (currently part time)
I get paid the 28th of the month and he gets paid the 12th
I buy the food on the 28th to the 14th and he said once he was paid he would stock the fridge.
I said to him last night,can you grab something for tea tonight and get some bits.
He said he's gonna struggle as his "skint"
So obviously expects me to buy all the food again?
How he is skint I don't know ...
I'm fuming tbh I'm spending so much money now on food and his two cats.
What would you do?
It's not really fair is it.
Surely when he gets paid he should put some money aside for food.
Even £50 would be a help.

OP posts:
Aksbdt · 14/07/2022 09:03

Honestly I’d tell him you can’t afford it either and you’ll be buying for yourself but not him. Then I’d be thinking about whether to continue the relationship as it’s setting alarm bells for your future

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 14/07/2022 09:05

How you handle this is how you will be treated forever.

dementedpixie · 14/07/2022 09:07

Buy food for yourself
Get him to set up a standing order to your account that gets paid to you on the day he gets paid and use that to buy food.

What are the arrangements for the other bills?

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Tonysopranosghost · 14/07/2022 09:07

Skint two days after payday? Either he's lying or he's got some serious money problems. Either way it's not your problem.

BoxOfCats · 14/07/2022 09:10

Well he clearly can't manage his money. This is shitty behaviour but if you are going to stay together you need to work out a different system.

I would work out how much you need for all joint expenses, and then each set up a direct debit on your respective pay days, for your shares of the joint expenses to be paid into a joint account. As he earns more than you, he should be paying 60%.

GrazingSheep · 14/07/2022 09:11

Who pays all the other bills?

Fladdermus · 14/07/2022 09:11

Does he pay anything towards other bills?

dementedpixie · 14/07/2022 09:11

It will be a standing order you set up (rather than direct debit). It can either be made to your account (not his!) Or into a joint account set up to pay the bills.

Shinyandnew1 · 14/07/2022 09:12

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 14/07/2022 09:05

How you handle this is how you will be treated forever.

Exactly this. Think carefully about what you do now.

He doesn’t need to ‘buy some bits’-he isn’t rocking up to a picnic. He needs to fairly contribute 50% of everything in the household without whinging about it. Plus pay for his cats.

Is he paying half for bills/housing?

where did he live before you moved in together?

SparklingPeach · 14/07/2022 09:14

Don't go down the lines of 'even £50 would be a help'. He needs to contribute his fair share. So either he pays you half or you only buy (and cook) food for yourself.

He's taking the piss big time.

mynameisbrian · 14/07/2022 09:15

This isn’t a good sign. Didn’t you make a plan about bills and food before moving in together?

Him being skint two days after payday is a huge red flag. I had an ex who was the same and I ended up having to pay for everything. At one stage he had his wages paid into my account as he couldn’t get a bank account and then I was like his mum. I gave him his money and then he would constantly ask to borrow some of mine. I was left with his debts as I ended up buying things in credit for him as he couldn’t get any. Most stupid thing I ever did. Dumped him after two years. I would suggest you move back out as he is already showing behaviours that are a concern. How does he expect to pay bills and eat if he is skint?

FrancescaContini · 14/07/2022 09:16

Why are you sharing a home with a great big baby of a man child? What a huge turn off. Game over for me.

MrsWooster · 14/07/2022 09:18

You are at the stage of establishing lifelong relationship patterns. He will behave like this forever if you let it go now.

Lemonlemon88 · 14/07/2022 09:22

Joint account for bills. Agree how much from each persons pay goes in to it. Covers all bills, including groceries.

Beefcurtains79 · 14/07/2022 09:25

What did you say back? Didn’t you ask how he was skint 2 days after being paid? Or how he intended to buy food for himself and his cats?
Seems to me he’s now telling you he thinks he’s found a total mug.

saraclara · 14/07/2022 09:26

There's no way to sensibly answer you OP, without knowing who pays for the rest of your costs. If he pays the mortgage and bills, then you paying the entire food bill is fair. If it's your house and you pay everything, then kick him out if he's expecting you to feed him too.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 14/07/2022 09:27

Being out of money just after pay day is a huge red flag. There are a few possibilities and all of them are bad.


  1. He has huge debts that he hasn't told you about

  2. Gambling or drugs (more likely gambling at that speed of spending and you probably would have noticed the mood effects of drugs)

  3. He has money, he just pathologically tight and would prefer to let you pay for everything while he hoards his money.


If he currently pays his share of rent and bills and you don't address the shopping issue then I can pretty much guarantee that he will take that as permission to stop paying anything.

What was he like before you moved in together, did he show any signs of being broke/bad at money management/stingy? Was he more eager for the two of you to move in together than you were? He may have been behaving as the ideal man in order to set himself up in a cocklodging situation. Whatever you do, don't marry him, have a baby with him or take out a joint mortgage, not only would you end up paying for everything but he'll take a huge chunk of your money when you split.

Adversity · 14/07/2022 09:27

When DH and I were first dating and moved in we split all bills in proportion to our salary. The split was 7/11, we had an accounts book an actual book as it was decades ago. Each month adjustments were made. He insisted because I earned less. Money is the real measure of a man or woman forget all the romance and roses stuff, that nice but it’s not everything.

NoitsNott · 14/07/2022 09:28

Who pays the rest of the bills? until I know I can't advise.

JuneOsborne · 14/07/2022 09:28

My only response would be: you're going to be very hungry then.

Do not sub this man, do not accept a token gesture of 'help'. He is a grown man who fed himself before you came along and he can figure out a way to feed himself now.

You know what a cocklodger is, right?

billy1966 · 14/07/2022 09:30

Why would you want to be such a mug for a user?

Is this really how you want you life to be?

User and abused?

Get rid of him, for goodness sake.

Original poster
sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:32

He gets paid.
Wastes his money then I buy food for the month.
We go half's on rent but I've been paying gas/electric
He plays the slots on his phone
I'm assuming that's where most of his money goes
I've told him to stop -he says I don't tell you not to shop

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 14/07/2022 09:33

Why did you move in with him? Is it a kind of trial to see whether you are compatible before getting married? Or did you move in together to save money?

Because it turns out your not compatible are you. And you're not saving money either.

Think about that. Think about what your aims and reasons were for moving in together

NoitsNott · 14/07/2022 09:35

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:32

He gets paid.
Wastes his money then I buy food for the month.
We go half's on rent but I've been paying gas/electric
He plays the slots on his phone
I'm assuming that's where most of his money goes
I've told him to stop -he says I don't tell you not to shop

Ok, now I can say that he's irresponsible and has poor money management skills. Either he works on that and change his behavior or...you know what to do OP.

knittingaddict · 14/07/2022 09:36

It's impossible to comment without any context. When I first got married decades ago all food came out of my bank account and my husband paid for everything else house related. It was a fair split.

How are other bills split?
What was your agreed arrangement before you moved in together?
What was his financial position like before you moved in? Presumably you would have noticed if he has been "skint" in the past.

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