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Original poster

Partner not buying any food ....

203 replies

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:02

We have moved in together.
He earns around £1500 a month after tax and I earn £1000 (currently part time)
I get paid the 28th of the month and he gets paid the 12th
I buy the food on the 28th to the 14th and he said once he was paid he would stock the fridge.
I said to him last night,can you grab something for tea tonight and get some bits.
He said he's gonna struggle as his "skint"
So obviously expects me to buy all the food again?
How he is skint I don't know ...
I'm fuming tbh I'm spending so much money now on food and his two cats.
What would you do?
It's not really fair is it.
Surely when he gets paid he should put some money aside for food.
Even £50 would be a help.

OP posts:
pimlicoanna · 14/07/2022 09:58

Stop buying a month's worth of food. Buy it weekly and take it in turns to pay.

howshouldibehave · 14/07/2022 10:01

I've told him to stop -he says I don't tell you not to shop

Wow, what a catch.

Did he move into your house? I would be separating myself from him now-this weekend. He won’t change.

AmbushedByCake1 · 14/07/2022 10:02

How long have you been together?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Cost of living General food
caringcarer · 14/07/2022 10:04

For goodness sake dump him right now. If he is a gambler who gambles before paying his bills he is an addict. Don't get yourself mixed up with him. He will ruin your credit rating too. He will bring you much misery and no peace or happiness. Do yourself a massive favour and dump him. There are so many nice responsible men out there. Don't sell yourself short and put up with a cock lodger. He must go.

stuntbubbles · 14/07/2022 10:04

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:52

I wasn't aware how much he enjoyed gambling.
When we first met he would always have cash not his card -now I'm assuming that's so he isn't able to spend it online

I'm gonna try and talk to him about his gambling
He has depression which I'm not sure if it's fueling the slots

I wouldn’t bother talking to this one except for the “You’re dumped” conversation. LTB and his cats.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/07/2022 10:04

Well he's clearly just using you isn't he?

Velvetbee · 14/07/2022 10:06

Run.

EmzyC · 14/07/2022 10:07

Personally, I would knock this on the head from the off. You are meant to be partners which means equal in all things.

You obviously care for this guy, enough for you both to move in together, but you have to ask yourself, how quickly is that going to turn to resentment?

This man sadly already believes this is behaviour he can get away with, you need to reaffirm with him that it's not.

We're just random folks on Mumsnet that appear to care more about you and your finances than what he does, doesn't seem right does it?

We're currently in a cost of living crisis, things are hard and are going to get even harder still. So you have a really big choice to make, because this isn't sustainable.

I really hope you do what's best for you, nobody should think themselves entitled enough that they can get a free ride and you shouldn't enable that either.

Good luck OP.

RudsyFarmer · 14/07/2022 10:10

So you’ve found yourself a cocklodger. Now you need to work out how you get him and his cats out the house.

BellePeppa · 14/07/2022 10:11

You really should end this relationship now or your life will be one horrendous hell. Do it now before you’re forever trapped. Get the hell out now when the sign posts are clearly telling you to run, run, run or you’ll be back on here in a few years begging for advice on how to leave.

Kittiekatt · 14/07/2022 10:12

So, he earns 50% more a month than you and you’re paying the vast majority of the bills. You’re being a doormat and he’s using you.
Tell him you need a standing order from him on his payday for half of all bills and food. If he says no, kick him out.

Beamur · 14/07/2022 10:12

Seriously nip this in the bud now.
Unless you are splitting the costs for everything he's leeching off you.
Don't start accepting crumbs or making excuses for him.
You may have made an error in moving in together.

Stag82 · 14/07/2022 10:15

agree that how you deal with this will set the scene for the rest of your relationship.

He should be paying his way and he isn’t. You need to discuss and agree a way forward. Get him told Thai stops now and he needs to pay half to gas elec and half for food. Can you set up an account and agree a food budget?

StrangeCondition · 14/07/2022 10:16

Yep, you have yourself a cocklodger, it won't get any better

ihavenocats · 14/07/2022 10:17

Always discuss this stuff before you move in.

He's a loser, get rid. You can't have kids with someone like that or a decent life where you have holidays and bills are paid and you have food.

Next time before you ever move in with anyone discuss all these things at the very least:

finances
parenting style
when you want children and how many
thoughts on if you can't conceive
diet and health
travel and where you want to end up in the world
how you want to spend you retirement
views on feminism and other political issues

Sandcastles24 · 14/07/2022 10:17

Don't get a joint account with him. You don't want to link your credit to a gamblers

Homewardbound2022 · 14/07/2022 10:19

Don't bother talking to him about his gambling.

You have a scrounger on your hands.

He will beggar you.

WhenDovesFly · 14/07/2022 10:20

Get out as soon as you can. He's prioritising his gambling over paying his share.

You should not be paying the utility bills all by yourself, and you shouldn't be paying for all the food and for his cats. Him being depressed is not an excuse to gamble and not pay his way.

Seriously OP, don't allow yourself to be walked over like this, it's financial abuse.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 14/07/2022 10:21

Stag82 · 14/07/2022 10:15

agree that how you deal with this will set the scene for the rest of your relationship.

He should be paying his way and he isn’t. You need to discuss and agree a way forward. Get him told Thai stops now and he needs to pay half to gas elec and half for food. Can you set up an account and agree a food budget?

Paying Bills is about to get increasingly difficult for most people. Is he at all aware of what is currently going on in the world? You could end up spending everything you earn just to survive the increases whilst he messes about with online gambling. This could seriously drag you down with him.

You tried to discuss this with him like an adult and he wouldn't even listen, just snapped back with
I don't tell you not to shop Doesn't even make sense.. he's only got food in the house because you do shop.
He's not being reasonable and your views mean nothing to him. Now that he's got a "parent" to look after him and pay the bills, he can spend more time on his life's real passion - gambling all his money away.

HettieHelvetica · 14/07/2022 10:21

You're being used, and you deserve better. He is testing you to see how much he can get away with as a starting point.

Have a think about whether this
(and the inevitable escalations) is the life you want going forward.

GreenManalishi · 14/07/2022 10:22

You don't need to "talk to him about his gambling", you'll never engage yourself in a bigger waste of time. It is delusional to think that you can love him/reason him/persuade him out of his gambling habit and expect him to see the light because you explain it properly.

He knows what he is doing, exactly. He knows what impact it is having on you. He just doesn't care, and you're making it possible.

You moved in with him, now just reverse the process and move out, and chalk it up to experience. Gamblers do not make good partners, lesson learned. It's not the end of the world, see it as a lucky escape. You're at a fork in the road, choose yourself, and let his mental health and addiction be his business.

FrozenSky · 14/07/2022 10:22

If you weren't living with him, how would he afford to eat if he is skint right after payday? He is expecting you to pay for all his food.

and then

Shortpoet · 14/07/2022 10:23

Having had a relationship with a gambler in the past there is no way in hell I’d ever do so again.
It just gets worse and worse until you are dragged completely down.
The tears and promises to change are meaningless.
It took me years to recover financially.

Get out now. Don’t look back.

Whatever00 · 14/07/2022 10:23

He is using you. Why would you subsidise a man child? He earns more than you. You are basically funding his gambling. Fuck that. If he wants to use his money to gamble treats fine but I wouldn't be skint and feeding him or keeping him warm. Be skint in and hungry elsewhere.

Lindy2 · 14/07/2022 10:24

Thank goodness you're renting rather than have a mortgage together. I'm hoping there are no children involved either.

Your partner is a stingy waste of space. He is expecting you to fund him like a parent does a child. He's supposed to be an adult and as he earns more than you ge should be contributing more to the bills, not less.

I think your future with him would be pretty miserable to be honest. Prioritise yourself and tell him this relationship no longer works for you and plan your split.

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