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Original poster

Partner not buying any food ....

203 replies

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:02

We have moved in together.
He earns around £1500 a month after tax and I earn £1000 (currently part time)
I get paid the 28th of the month and he gets paid the 12th
I buy the food on the 28th to the 14th and he said once he was paid he would stock the fridge.
I said to him last night,can you grab something for tea tonight and get some bits.
He said he's gonna struggle as his "skint"
So obviously expects me to buy all the food again?
How he is skint I don't know ...
I'm fuming tbh I'm spending so much money now on food and his two cats.
What would you do?
It's not really fair is it.
Surely when he gets paid he should put some money aside for food.
Even £50 would be a help.

OP posts:
Spohn · 14/07/2022 11:59

He’s making a complete fool of you. Your updates are depressing as fuck. Raise your standards in life, if you choose to continue to allow him to make a mug of you, you can’t complain.

VioletInsolence · 14/07/2022 12:15

The ‘even £50 would help’ comment is worrying because you’re expecting so little. He needs to pay for 50 percent of the food and everything else.

SarahSissions · 14/07/2022 12:17

i would go halves on food bills otherwise you’ll find you are buying nice things and if you do get him to pay for a mid month shop you’ll end up with just the bare minimum.
to be honest it sounds like you can do better. Early days of living together should be fun, not like this.

Interested in this thread?

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Cost of living General food
NiqueNique · 14/07/2022 12:21

@sinkholes i expect this thread is hard to read.

Harsh truths are important sometimes.

Find your inner strength. Flowers

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 14/07/2022 12:21

Depressed and gambling cocklodger - the worst combination. Get rid.

ChimChimeny · 14/07/2022 12:28

Get out now and don't even think about having a baby

Ourlady · 14/07/2022 12:30

He will bleed you dry. Dump!!

GettingItOutThere · 14/07/2022 12:38

you are NOT compatible.

seriously move out or chuck him out - dont stay with this waste of space

Just10moreminutesplease · 14/07/2022 12:41

Leave, you’re worth more than someone who is using you as a stand in mother.

If you don’t want to do that, just buy food for yourself and put a chart of how much he owes you for bills on the fridge.

theemmadilemma · 14/07/2022 12:41

Move the loser back out. Don't waste any more time here.

catandcoffee · 14/07/2022 12:50

Talking to a gambler will do you no good... it will all be denied.

Honestly you should seriously think about ending this relationship.
Don't get pregnant, or you'll be stuck with him, and no being a Father won't change his addiction.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 14/07/2022 12:52

The name for guys like this are cocklodgers. You are scraping the bottom of the barrel - dump his ass.

IVFPrayingForBioChild · 14/07/2022 12:52

This is why he wanted you to move in with him, to pay for him.

Move out, become a lodger in someone's spare bedroom, save money.

DogInATent · 14/07/2022 12:52

If you live together, you get a joint account together. An agreed amount goes into the account from each of you on your respective pay days. The joint account covers joint expenses - rent, utilities, food, etc. It's the best way. Joint expenses then come before anything else.

But, the gambling is a separate issue. If he needs help, he needs to take it, or you need to get out and find a place of your own before his liabilities become yours. And take the cats.

Gambling and depression, it's chicken and egg. Once he's on the gambling the 'hit' from a win becomes addictive, and depression will set in on withdrawal. Which came first isn't relevant once it's reached an addiction. He needs help.

bloodyunicorns · 14/07/2022 12:56

So you pay more of the bills, despite earning less, because he's a gambler? And now he has no money for food??

I'd dump him and ask him to move out. Are you renting? Bought? Did he move into your house?

Sounds like a loser. Do you want this to be your future?!

SunflowerGardens · 14/07/2022 12:58

LTB 🚩 can you imagine life with children?! He won't be buying them new shoes or nappies. He won't even be able to buy them pasta. Don't get any farther into this.

spidersenses · 14/07/2022 13:00

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:32

He gets paid.
Wastes his money then I buy food for the month.
We go half's on rent but I've been paying gas/electric
He plays the slots on his phone
I'm assuming that's where most of his money goes
I've told him to stop -he says I don't tell you not to shop

OK well he needs to go hungry for the next 2 weeks - see if that helps him understand. Do not subsidise him. He is not responsibility to parent.

fizzywat · 14/07/2022 13:06

Well you have two choices...

  1. Keep him, subsidise his addiction and let him possibly wreck your own well being and your credit rating. or...
  2. Split up for good.
Nothing in between ever works with these people. Let's face it, if you stay it is YOU who will be doing budgets, organising food deliveries (even using his card), always putting up with excuse after excuse, and draining your whole self dry eventually.

Make a decision. Half measures or thinking addiction can be controlled by you is not going to work.

Goldbar · 14/07/2022 13:12

Think hard about whether you want a relationship and a future with someone who is financially irresponsible. It sounds like a lot of effort for not very much reward.

Treacletoots · 14/07/2022 13:14

So sorry OP. But take it from someone who has been here, he will bleed you dry and fuck up your credit history too.

And that's the least of your worries.

People never not realise they're not contributing their fair share. They know they're taking advantage and you are too nice to do what too need to do, that is kick him out and never see the freeloading cocklodger again.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 14/07/2022 13:15

I’d get rid before he lands you in some series debt

KangFang · 14/07/2022 13:16

You need to get rid of him.
He will put you in debt and pull you down with him.
Bin.

Washermother33 · 14/07/2022 13:17

I’ve not read the whole thread - but I’ve read far too many posts telling you to get a joint account with this man . Getting a joint account is the last thing you should do as he will have equal access to that money and you will be liable for any overdraft on it .

Fatarseflanagan09 · 14/07/2022 13:17

I couldn’t have this, greed sickens me and so does lack of respect, he’s a parasite and if you accept his behavior he’ll ramp it up.

RenegadeMatron · 14/07/2022 13:19

You moved in with a depressed gambler?

And now you’re shocked / surprised that it’s not going well?

Why…..?