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Original poster

Partner not buying any food ....

203 replies

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:02

We have moved in together.
He earns around £1500 a month after tax and I earn £1000 (currently part time)
I get paid the 28th of the month and he gets paid the 12th
I buy the food on the 28th to the 14th and he said once he was paid he would stock the fridge.
I said to him last night,can you grab something for tea tonight and get some bits.
He said he's gonna struggle as his "skint"
So obviously expects me to buy all the food again?
How he is skint I don't know ...
I'm fuming tbh I'm spending so much money now on food and his two cats.
What would you do?
It's not really fair is it.
Surely when he gets paid he should put some money aside for food.
Even £50 would be a help.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 14/07/2022 10:48

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:52

I wasn't aware how much he enjoyed gambling.
When we first met he would always have cash not his card -now I'm assuming that's so he isn't able to spend it online

I'm gonna try and talk to him about his gambling
He has depression which I'm not sure if it's fueling the slots

So you have moved in with a depressed gambler who plans on living off you.

You have just signed up for the most MISERABLE future imaginable.

You have no idea of the misery ahead of you, living hand to mouth, being bled dry by a gambler.

Oh, definitely have a couple of children with him to really dial up the misery, a lot.

Apologies for the harsh words OP, but unless you cop yourself on, big time, and choose to protect yourself, you are going to ruin your life.

AliceMcK · 14/07/2022 10:50

I forgot to say, he also lost a whole months salary in an hour at the casino, not a night out, he actually went at 9am in the morning. If your DP is gambling do not take it lightly.

Emotionalsupportviper · 14/07/2022 10:51

Aksbdt · 14/07/2022 09:03

Honestly I’d tell him you can’t afford it either and you’ll be buying for yourself but not him. Then I’d be thinking about whether to continue the relationship as it’s setting alarm bells for your future

This.

And don't cook anything for him.

He will probably start to eat any food you buy for yourself, so either buy day by day (a right faff), or be prepared to tell him to sling his hook.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Cost of living General food
Scianel · 14/07/2022 10:51

Run, run, run. You'll have a lifetime of misery, frustration and bad finances with this man.

GCHeretic · 14/07/2022 10:52

I think that agreeing how much each of you contribute will help here.

Opening a joint account and each putting the agreed amount in on pay day is one way to go, but if you don’t want to be financially linked then you could also use a current account in your own name for the same purpose.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 14/07/2022 10:54

Please listen to the advice on here. Whatever the reason for his money issues, he has shown he will make no effort to sort things, and will go on the attack if you bring it up. You cannot save him, because he does not want to be saved at the moment. And has shown himself to be manipulative and selfish. You deserve much better than this.

howshouldibehave · 14/07/2022 10:54

I'm fuming tbh I'm spending so much money now on food and his two cats

Stop fuming and do something about it.

Did you answer to say whether he moved in with you/you with him or got a place together?

Separate now, today, or you’ll have a lifetime of poverty and misery whilst he spunks your salary up the wall.

NiqueNique · 14/07/2022 10:55

There’s no point in talking to him about his gambling.

KangarooKenny · 14/07/2022 10:55

You need to end it. Too many red flags.

NiqueNique · 14/07/2022 10:56

Scianel · 14/07/2022 10:51

Run, run, run. You'll have a lifetime of misery, frustration and bad finances with this man.

This. Run.

RockinHorseShit · 14/07/2022 10:56

He's not your partner. He's an immature cocklodger who sees you as mummy to provide for his needs. Get rid, you can do way better

Takingthepmaybe · 14/07/2022 10:56

I would happily bet one million pounds thst you do all the cooking and cleaning and most likely wash his laundry too.

ditch him or this is the rest of your life

NiqueNique · 14/07/2022 10:56

DO NOT open a joint account with him.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 14/07/2022 10:57

Sounds like you need to have joint account for bills etc. Otherwise it won't last.

KarenOLantern · 14/07/2022 10:58

I hate to say it, but if you were my friend I'd be advising you to run.

If he's skint two days after payday, that's not just "a bit of money on the slots", it's probably a proper gambling addiction.

I know a woman who was married to a secret gambler. He managed to hide it for years but in the end it all came crashing down, they split up but since he was bankrupt and she wasn't, SHE (as his wife) was liable for all his debts, and we're talking tens of thousands. And she was a single mother on a low income but had no choice but to pay them - ordered by the court. I know you're not married so at least you won't be legally liable for him, but that's the sort of thing that can happen. Secret credit cards, secret loans, getting behind on all the bills...

He could be the loveliest man in the whole wide world, but it's an illness that will ruin your life.

emmahazel · 14/07/2022 10:58

Don't buy anything next time and say your "not flush"

pointythings · 14/07/2022 11:00

Gambling is one of the hardest addictions to beat. Run for the hills, this is only going to get worse.

ChaToilLeam · 14/07/2022 11:03

So you’ve got a cocklodger with a gambling addiction.

Dump this sad loser or he will drag you down with him. You cannot fix him so don’t waste your time trying.

I feel sorry for the cats.

Fluffymule · 14/07/2022 11:04

He's a user. Entitled. Immature, selfish. A gambling problem to boot.

He will drag you down, bleed you dry and move on to the next mug willing to put up with him.

It won't get better, only worse, the longer you try and get him to show you, and your purse, some respect. He doesn't want to, if he did he would have done already.

Save yourself months, even years, of frustration, anger and hurt and leave. Now.

Axahooxa · 14/07/2022 11:04

I imagine he’s moved into your house.

move him out.

dworky · 14/07/2022 11:06

He sees you as a mug &, unfortunately, you're proving him right.
Take immediate action & demand he pays half of all costs.

Wafflybollocks · 14/07/2022 11:08

Please don't feel like you have to be his mummy because he's said he's depressed. He's treating you like shit, it doesn't matter why he is treating you like shit as the end result is the same. Why are you in a relationship with someone who has no respect for you and only cares about himself. You cannot cure his depression or his gambling or his inability to adult or his sexism.

HoppingKangaroo · 14/07/2022 11:12

Leave otherwise you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery as he is either a tightwad lier or a gambler. It sounds like you pay for most things so what does he bring to the relationship? How long before he can't pay for his share of the rent?

Katela18 · 14/07/2022 11:16

"What would you do?"

I'd tell him it's not acceptable?
He needs to contribute fairly to rent, bills and food. If he wants to waste his money on gambling after that crack on. Its all well ans good him saying "I don't tell you not to shop" when you're the one covering his arse. Don't suffer for this

TiddleyWink · 14/07/2022 11:16

Why on earth are you wasting your life with such a complete loser? Raise your bar, seriously.