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Original poster

Partner not buying any food ....

203 replies

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:02

We have moved in together.
He earns around £1500 a month after tax and I earn £1000 (currently part time)
I get paid the 28th of the month and he gets paid the 12th
I buy the food on the 28th to the 14th and he said once he was paid he would stock the fridge.
I said to him last night,can you grab something for tea tonight and get some bits.
He said he's gonna struggle as his "skint"
So obviously expects me to buy all the food again?
How he is skint I don't know ...
I'm fuming tbh I'm spending so much money now on food and his two cats.
What would you do?
It's not really fair is it.
Surely when he gets paid he should put some money aside for food.
Even £50 would be a help.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 14/07/2022 11:17

GCHeretic · 14/07/2022 10:52

I think that agreeing how much each of you contribute will help here.

Opening a joint account and each putting the agreed amount in on pay day is one way to go, but if you don’t want to be financially linked then you could also use a current account in your own name for the same purpose.

Do NOT be financially linked to him in anyway. He WILL wreck your credit rating.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 14/07/2022 11:19

Ask him how he's not going to starve if he's skint? Because you're not buying all the food all the time.

It should be 50/50. And he should pay for his own cats too.

Knackeredmommy · 14/07/2022 11:22

How does he expect to eat then? Agree contributions on bills and food and stick to that, he can't just expect to contribute to rent.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Cost of living General food
Querty123456 · 14/07/2022 11:23

Get shot. He’s nothing but trouble and won’t get any better (but has potential to get even worse)

Rainbowbaby13 · 14/07/2022 11:25

I had this with a previous partner and all that happened was I hung on (god knows why) and the gambling got worse and he started lying about it. best to get out now rather than hanging around for 10 years waiting for "him to change" trust me they never change

Wishimaywishimight · 14/07/2022 11:25

He does not sound like a 'partner' in any sense of the word. He is looking for someone to subsidise him while he plays games and wastes his money. This cannot be the life you want for yourself surely?

Bunty55 · 14/07/2022 11:25

Why on earth did you think moving in with an addict would be a good idea OP?

EveningOverRooftops · 14/07/2022 11:29

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:52

I wasn't aware how much he enjoyed gambling.
When we first met he would always have cash not his card -now I'm assuming that's so he isn't able to spend it online

I'm gonna try and talk to him about his gambling
He has depression which I'm not sure if it's fueling the slots

Depression has been the all round excuse these days.

you need to get him gone. Honestly, gambling can take years to ‘fix’ and often be not after serious debt is accrued.

you are worth more than this OP.

he isn’t your problem to fix.

Wishimaywishimight · 14/07/2022 11:30

@billy1966 has summed it up absolutely perfectly. OP you really really need to ditch this one. Life is hard enough without walking, open eyed, into absolute misery.

MadeForThis · 14/07/2022 11:30

Leave. Or get him to leave.

30mph · 14/07/2022 11:32

Don't get pregnant! You risk being tied to this sinking ship for years otherwise. Get out, consider why you aren't valuing yourself appropriately. The imbalance and excuses for his behaviour is striking.

Whitney168 · 14/07/2022 11:34

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 14/07/2022 09:05

How you handle this is how you will be treated forever.

This is definitely the main thing you should take away from this thread.

If you don't see an immediate and substantial improvement, make sure he moves out again promptly. Continue with a relationship if you must, with strict financial boundaries in place, but please don't set yourself up for years of this man taking the mickey out of you.

Cuppa2sugars · 14/07/2022 11:36

Don’t open a joint account, buy your own food, keep everything separate.

you’ve started a recipe for disaster.

Don’t know why you moved in together.

Wishimaywishimight · 14/07/2022 11:36

How did he manage (i.e. who did he scrounge from) before you? My bet (no pun intended) is his parents or an ex-girlfriend.

If he said to me he had no money for food I would be inclined to respond; "Crikey, what are you going to do then, I can't afford to feed us both so..." and leave it with him to figure out something.

Unforgettablefire · 14/07/2022 11:37

You can't live like this and it's only the start.
Like any addiction there's no amount of talking or trying to reason with them, only professional help and actually wanting the help will get you anywhere.
And like all addicts he's going to resort to anything to get his fix when his money runs out. He will of course say he doesn't have a problem.
Leave him before he ends up in the gutter and drags you along with him because 100% that's the kind of future you'll have.
And be sure to keep your bank cards safe.

Lalliella · 14/07/2022 11:41

OP please LTB. There’s no way this will get any better.

Branleuse · 14/07/2022 11:43

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:52

I wasn't aware how much he enjoyed gambling.
When we first met he would always have cash not his card -now I'm assuming that's so he isn't able to spend it online

I'm gonna try and talk to him about his gambling
He has depression which I'm not sure if it's fueling the slots

Dont we all have bloody depression?
Hes a gambling addict. Hes also taking you for a mug. How long since you moved in together. I strongly advise you take this very seriously before he drains you dry.

stratforduponavon · 14/07/2022 11:44

So he is a gambler and says he has depression... stop making excuses for him.

Either accept that this is what he like (and will never change) or move on.

Dont be that women who puts her head in the sand and then becomes pregnant. He sounds like a waste of space

Rooroobear · 14/07/2022 11:45

You need to nip this in the bud now……halves on ALL bills!!! That’s should have been sorted before you moved in. He didn’t buy food so he doesn’t get to eat it. End of. This is what you need to do. How is he doing two days after being paid….that’s ridiculous. He knows you’ll buy everything so doesn’t care.

Inertia · 14/07/2022 11:47

The brutal truth is that you are funding his living so he can gamble his own money away.

I'd break up over gambling. Live with a gambler, and you're signing up to a lifetime of living in fear of your savings/ your children's savings being squandered, and losing your house to pay gambling debts.

Do you rent or own?

toooldtocarewhoknows · 14/07/2022 11:48

Do not subsidise his life choices. I agree with PP that how you handle this will dictate your future.

Be vague, and if you can resist buying more food and cat food.

I'd also be getting a shop in online with his card details on the day he gets paid. That can be his half of the month.

But really, if he's this useless already I'd get politely out asap. It's really really not work the long term heartache.

As others have said, do not get pregnant whatever you do.

You'd think at first, Even with a gambling addiction he'd be trying to look good for the first month at least!

He's fine you a favour really by showing you so soon what life will be like. A nasty struggle with you working two jobs, juggling childcare and subsidising his life choices.

Run!!

Cuppa2sugars · 14/07/2022 11:52

I went out with a gambler once. He was into Payday loans. He would ask me for money time and time again. Really opened my eyes. He tried to commit suicide. He ended up living with another woman that he was also seeing as she took pity on him. He made her life hell. She tried to get me to have him live with me. Wasn’t going to happen. She realised and stopped contacting me. No idea what happened to him in the end.

user1498572889 · 14/07/2022 11:54

Cocklodger get rid

TooHotToTangoToo · 14/07/2022 11:54

Why are you paying the gas/elec and you earn less than him?

Honestly op, you need to sort this out. Tell him you can't afford anymore food ajs he needs to pay 50% of ALL bills.

AryaStarkWolf · 14/07/2022 11:56

You need to go back to living separately at the very least. He's going to bleed you dry otherwise