Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Partner not buying any food ....

203 replies

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:02

We have moved in together.
He earns around £1500 a month after tax and I earn £1000 (currently part time)
I get paid the 28th of the month and he gets paid the 12th
I buy the food on the 28th to the 14th and he said once he was paid he would stock the fridge.
I said to him last night,can you grab something for tea tonight and get some bits.
He said he's gonna struggle as his "skint"
So obviously expects me to buy all the food again?
How he is skint I don't know ...
I'm fuming tbh I'm spending so much money now on food and his two cats.
What would you do?
It's not really fair is it.
Surely when he gets paid he should put some money aside for food.
Even £50 would be a help.

OP posts:
darlingdodo · 14/07/2022 09:36

Why did you move in with someone who spends his money on gambling? Honestly, dump him now before you get any deeper.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 14/07/2022 09:37

Gambling it is. He won't stop, he clearly doesn't even want to.

Think forward to what you want for your future life, mortgage, children, holidays, security, and know that he will be willing to gamble all of that away.

knittingaddict · 14/07/2022 09:37

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:32

He gets paid.
Wastes his money then I buy food for the month.
We go half's on rent but I've been paying gas/electric
He plays the slots on his phone
I'm assuming that's where most of his money goes
I've told him to stop -he says I don't tell you not to shop

It's not going to work, is it op?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Cost of living General food
GrazingSheep · 14/07/2022 09:39

Get out before he drags you down completely.

Shmithecat2 · 14/07/2022 09:40

Other than split up (that would be my first suggestion), can you set up a basic joint account for joint expenses to include a food budget for the month? Or if you don't want to be financially linked to him, can you agree on a set amount he transfers to you each payday for his share of all your joint expenses?

daisyjgrey · 14/07/2022 09:40

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:32

He gets paid.
Wastes his money then I buy food for the month.
We go half's on rent but I've been paying gas/electric
He plays the slots on his phone
I'm assuming that's where most of his money goes
I've told him to stop -he says I don't tell you not to shop

Fuck him off, asap.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 14/07/2022 09:41

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:32

He gets paid.
Wastes his money then I buy food for the month.
We go half's on rent but I've been paying gas/electric
He plays the slots on his phone
I'm assuming that's where most of his money goes
I've told him to stop -he says I don't tell you not to shop

He sounds delightful.

I know what I would be doing and that's not continuing with the relationship. It's not going to get better.

Whataretheodds · 14/07/2022 09:42

Yep, get out of this relationship. Never mind how good it is when it's good, or how long you've been together. This isn't ok.

baxtersm · 14/07/2022 09:45

What does 'pays the slots on his phone' mean? Sorry if I'm sounding ignorant but I've never heard of this..

saraclara · 14/07/2022 09:45

Live with a gambler and you will always be their provider.

Seriously, get out of this relationship now. There is nothing in it for you.

WeAreBob · 14/07/2022 09:45

Oh God, come on! This guy isn't the guy to live with and plans a life. Get a grip and wake up before you're in too deep.

I'm sure the sex is great but really, there are other men with a penis out there. You'll be fine. Get some self respect and chuck this guy back. He isn't the right one.

This will be your life if you stay with him. This is who he is. He will not change. You'll never be even. You will always subsidise him and god forbid you have kids with him. Your life will be fucked.

Please, please listen. Get rid of him.

WeAreBob · 14/07/2022 09:46

baxtersm · 14/07/2022 09:45

What does 'pays the slots on his phone' mean? Sorry if I'm sounding ignorant but I've never heard of this..

Online slot machines. Online gambling.

girlmom21 · 14/07/2022 09:46

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:32

He gets paid.
Wastes his money then I buy food for the month.
We go half's on rent but I've been paying gas/electric
He plays the slots on his phone
I'm assuming that's where most of his money goes
I've told him to stop -he says I don't tell you not to shop

You need to move straight back out. This doesn't get better.

WishILivedInThrushGreen · 14/07/2022 09:48

Nope.

Bags. Packed. Gone.

KatherineJaneway · 14/07/2022 09:48

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 14/07/2022 09:05

How you handle this is how you will be treated forever.

Exactly what I was going to say.

twoandcooplease · 14/07/2022 09:50

Set boundaries now or tell him to move elsewhere. It'll be cheaper and less stressful living on your own

Pluvia · 14/07/2022 09:51

Well, he's done well, hasn't he? And he clearly feels very confident that you're not going to throw him out.

He has to go, OP. This will not change. You know it, don't you? I know it's hard, I know you want a boyfriend, but this man doesn't deserve you. Get rid.

OurChristmasMiracle · 14/07/2022 09:52

I would literally have said “Well I am unable to provide for you or your pets. What food I have left is for me to feed myself until pay day”

i would also look to leave or at least live separately and have independent finances and do not ever lend him any money!

Original poster
sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:52

I wasn't aware how much he enjoyed gambling.
When we first met he would always have cash not his card -now I'm assuming that's so he isn't able to spend it online

I'm gonna try and talk to him about his gambling
He has depression which I'm not sure if it's fueling the slots

OP posts:
onlywhenidream · 14/07/2022 09:53

Gambling = run away

It's an addiction

it's not going to be logical or anything you can help him with , a discussion won't change him

Pinkdelight3 · 14/07/2022 09:53

Sorry to say it, but he's moved in with you to get his bills paid and food provided so he can put more money into his gambling. It's an addiction so course telling him to stop won't make any difference. He's been clear that it comes first and that he expects you to pay for his food and utilities so you can suck it up or you can move him right back out. It's not going to get better and you would be very unreasonable to put up with his shit.

Beefcurtains79 · 14/07/2022 09:54

sinkholes · 14/07/2022 09:52

I wasn't aware how much he enjoyed gambling.
When we first met he would always have cash not his card -now I'm assuming that's so he isn't able to spend it online

I'm gonna try and talk to him about his gambling
He has depression which I'm not sure if it's fueling the slots

I suggest you talk to him about paying his way first. Don’t be a total mug.

BoxOfCats · 14/07/2022 09:54

Honestly OP I would cut your losses. If he's behaving like this then he has an addiction. This won't end well and I would get out before he bleeds you dry.

onlywhenidream · 14/07/2022 09:55

Gambling anonymous as an absolute minimum and move out until he's clean

Or just leave and find someone who deserves you

Clymene · 14/07/2022 09:57

Don't bother talking to him. Pack your bags

Swipe left for the next trending thread