15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

Just keep saying it. If you're sure then keep repeating yourself and say it's not something you want to discuss. Make sure your doing what's right for her not what you want though.

Hi op,

They can assess in the correct nursery and they will have tools on how to bring them on.

It's worth a try.
My friend studied early year's and often gave me tips, too late unfortunately for us.
From a socialising pov you don't need a nursery for that, mine did toddler groups,play parks etc.
However from a learning/observing pov they should make regular observations Which would be very helpful to track her progress.
It's absolutely no reflection on you at all.
Just makes sure they do acutually understand, at 3 with dd I remember innocently trying to pass on tips salt gave me and looking back her key worker didn't have the interest or skills to support dd at all. Just kept repeating " she will pick it up from the others"??

TBH, I agree with your health visitor. From what you’ve written I think you DD would benefit from attending nursery.

I think most children would benefit from going to a nursery setting tbh

She’s definitely not ready mostly due to her separation anxiety and level of understanding she doesn’t understand‘mummy’s coming back’ or anything like that so I can’t say bye and reassure her I think she needs till 3 to hopefully develop more understanding plus she only has a few words and communicates a lot non verbally to me

I had the same thoughts as you but I would recommend seeing how she gets on. You can always take her out but you will probably find it beneficial to her and yourself.

my thinking was that extra year at home with one caregiver (me) and groups etc is a more gentle way for her to play with other children etc in a way she’s happy with as her separation anxiety will be an issue and I don’t want to take a step back

the nursery that accepts 2 yr funding is not the one we planned to send her to so she would have to settle then change which may not be ideal

My older girl didn’t go anywhere until she was 3. She was at home with me, she had no delays or issues and I never had any pressure from the HV or GP. I would say they are probably pushing for her to go, because she needs it. It’s not saying anything about you as a mum, but only so much you as her mum can do. I would reconsider especially with her being delayed. It could be really beneficial for her!

I do feel as well and I may be wrong - that it’s being pushed as a cheaper alternative to speech therapy and portage which is what do asked about when development delay was mentioned

This. Personally I’d take professional advice.

It’s not just about the healthcare professionals and assessing her. It’s about giving her the benefits of the environment to help her develop sooner than waiting another 6 months. Their advice is based on research.
Children who attend nursery are immersed all day in social skills, rich language and stimulating resources that are different to home. They build friendships and relationships, and get the benefit of exploring the eyfs curriculum.

If she has separation anxiety and speech issues, it would absolutely help her with these things.

You can do tasters, she doesn’t just go in all day with no warm up, so you could just try it
she may love being around the other children and typically children with speech delays do suddenly come on massively in a nursery setting.
i think it sounds like she would benefit
but you’re her mum so if you don’t want her to go just say no and try to be firm. Something like thank you but I’ve already decided. Then just politely shut the conversation down after that.

I've also had bad experiences with HV but I would tend to listen to a GP.
At a nursery they will also be looking at this like fine motor skills,gross, balance!all soers6

I'd send her to nursery. All children have separation anxiety, the staff will do their magic as always. Plus you can just do 2 days, you have the other 5 days at home together if you want.

Does she ever get left with anyone who isn’t you?

in terms of assessments and observations it is helpful when they are in other settings because often behaviour has to be viewed over a couple of settings to be able to begin assessing.

not having you next to her to communicate for her may help her develop her skills more than you realise.

talk to your HV about your concerns but don’t dismiss what she is saying without listening to hers

You will get no generalised pressure from me as I did not take up any of the pre-school provision - but I think if your child has got identified speech and developmental delay you do need to be very clear how the 15 hours at nursery would help them and how you can provide a comparable level of help yourself at home.

What do you think will be the impact on your child's development if they stay at home compared with taking the 15 hours? Then you need to discuss with the HV and the GP how you are going to monitor that. They want to be certain your child's needs are at the centre of the decision-making.

I get that it is tough to assert yourself, but to be honest if you are going to go against the norm you have to get better at that. If as a parent you go against the grain you have to be able to explain why you know it is the right thing to do. This is even more the case once a child has an identified additional need, as yours does.

Shed city, toddler groups also perform that function though? They are around other DC have storyntime and sing songs

I don’t know if I’m wrong but I feel like it will be total overload for her - seeing what she’s like at some groups or shops even . She has this limit it gets to a certain level of noise and being busy / crowded and that’s it - she’s done . I don’t want to stress her now I’d like to keep things as they are for her to see how she develops in an environment she’s happy in and I’d asked about other help (saw that portage os for children not in a setting) and was told nursery is better and that we have access to the free 15 hours so take it)

I might be being over protective but I feel like she’s just not ready yet and it feels like I’m really being pushed

I kind of agree with your HV from what you have written. You seem to be quite focused on her separation anxiety and how she doesn't understand that you will come back...she will learn this though if she goes to nursery and you come and get her at the end of each session. Drop off would be tough as she would likely cry (my 1yo does this at daycare but only whilst I'm there...she settles very quickly and has a great time) but they have amazing ways of distracting them and getting them involved with other children.

It's only 15 hours a week, it's not full time. You would still get lots of time with her. The way I see it...try it for 3 months and if it's not working, pull her out.

I can understand your concerns but it honestly does sound like she may get a lot from it, nothing to do with your parenting not being good enough, it's just a sensible next step. Why not find a nursery you like and start slowly, maybe even just 2 hours twice a week, and see how it goes? That way she will learn quickly that you always come back.

I think with the issues your DD has (or may have), it's pretty bonkers to keep her out of nursery.

Most nurseries also have a quiet area for those who struggle with noise. At dds they had a little teepee she could go to with just one or two others and they could have a quiet story or chat with an adult close by.

You're not necessarily simply being over protective - but you are expressing it in ways that make you seem ill-informed. You need to do some research and set out clearly in positive terms why being home would be better. You have to genuinely believe that it is the best way to improve the issues of delay.

Many people with kids with developmental delay know that 1-1 with a dedicated carer is better than nursery, as there is more opportunity for tailored and varied support. But undoubtedly a nursery will follow a process where things can be ticked off. If you compare that to a parent who just drifts along, that is not reassuring for healthcare professionals.

If you do your research and work out what specifically you intend to offer your child that is at least as good, then explain that, they may listen.

I don't think budget would affect doctor though? It's not like it's their cost to worry about.

She is young but also catching issues young can be extremely helpful.

If I was you I would at least try it.

See how she gets on as pp said you don't have to continue but give it a good few weeks to try it properly.

If you decide to wait 12 months then you need to think of a plan. What are you going to do to tackle the separation anxiety? How are you going to help maximise her development in all areas?

you don’t want to find yourself in a position whereby when she turns 3 it becomes even harder because things haven’t been supported sooner.