15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

What are you going to put in place? You want advice on what to say to the HV but have you got a clear plan on what you are going to put in place and how?

My little girl was a lockdown baby and was home with me for 2 years before I went back to work and had to start sending her to nursery. I was worried about leaving her as she had never really been left with anyone but me. We looked around the nursery after hours and she loved all the toys and then we spoke about it a lot before she was due to start, read books, walked past the nursery, I showed her pictures of it from the website and she settled so well. There was a couple of weeks where she didn’t want me to go but she always settled really quickly when I left. She would take herself off to the teepee until she was ready to go out into the room and play and she loves going now. In terms of it being a busy environment I wouldn’t have thought the nursery would have too many 2 year olds in one room they have to follow ratios and numbers are usually quite reasonable.

once your child starts nursery their speech will come on in leaps and bounds. don’t hold her back.

Just on the health side of things, most nurseries (admittedly not all) are great for promoting active healthy children. Though we do walks, playground visits and trips out at home with my DC, I couldn't hope to be as active with them as nursery are. My DC literally doesn't stop all day at nursery. And snacks and meals are carefully planned. So nursery may help with that side of things. I think it can be hard sometimes for parents who are at home all day every day with their children to be as active with them as a well-run nursery will be, especially if they're not getting a break at all.

if it helps, i've worked as a nursery nurse, the nearest thing they have to a routine is "breakfast, outside play, inside play, storytime, lunch, nap time, art activity, playtime, dinner, quiet play time, home.

its not like school day at all.

I'm honestly not sure why you even posted if you're going to just ignore the advice being given.

Research shows early help can assist it brings on social skills speech etc and it's not a cheaper alternative your child will still get these but they will have full reports and assessments.

Tbh it sounds more like your not even open to the idea which could help your child another 6 months isn't going to make it easier for her more likely harder.

Have you discussed it with your partner? It seems daunting but it's worth a try and 15 hrs in reality is 1.5 days you can still do all the other things you currently are just additional support for your child

I think OP wants advice on how to stop the HV raising it. But I don't think you can really. It's their job.

I don’t entirely disagree with you but I think the accusation of ‘palming off’ is unfair. It’s very hard to distinguish delay/developmental problem from lack of opportunity to learn or comprehension at younger ages. If it’s not entirely clear then it’s a process of elimination through interventions and techniques to try and properly diagnose any difficulties if they’re there.

The attitudes on this thread are depressing. Op do not feel pressured to send your two year old to nursery the best thing you can do for them is one to one care and toddler groups days out etc.

I do not know if your child would be better off at nursery or with you.
But it will not be about a cheaper alternative to speech therapy. Most children's speech improves if they spend time with other adults than their parents. This is because parents are more likely to be able to understand poor speech in their child, so the child does not have the same incentive as they are understood. In a nursery setting, the child has more incentive to improve their speech so that they are understood.
I used to work as a 1-1 with a child in a nursery who was also getting speech therapy. He was going to the nursery purely as a move to try and help improve his speech.

this.

Think very hard about why you are ignoring your DDs best interests and going against two medical and developmental experts' advice.
The vast majority of posters on here also agree with the experts and we have not even met your DD.

If you are really determined that nursery is not the answer I'd try to put together a programme of regular weekly activities yourself, things like:

Portage - can you self refer in your area?
Private SLT
Toddler group
Sign and Sign or Makaton class
Swimming
Toddler group/messy play

...activities targeting DC's areas of delay, rather than simply the ones you like. HV will probably want to see something booked in for pretty much every weekday. Show them a timetable of stuff you've organised.

The separation anxiety isn't just going to go away by magic so you do need a plan for DC to spend time away from you. Have you considered a few sessions with a childminder? They often take the 15 hours funding and it would be a smaller and calmer setting than nursey.

From your OP it sounds like you also need to give HV a plan to work on eating. Perhaps kick this one back into HV's court by asking for a dietitian referral.

You can't stop the HV or GP suggesting it. They're doing so because it will
Benefit your child. They're obviously trying to
get on top of her speech etc.
Re; the milk, I would start limiting that now. It's not doing her any favours to have so much, start gradually reducing.

This.

If you had a clear plan that would be better than can be provided at nursery you wouldn't need us to tell you what to say.

I absolutely get the whole child with needs and your plans going awry feeling. It's hard. But when you have a kid with additional needs you need ti adapt quickly and frequently ti them. You cannot just keep following the path you thought you would or would be best.

Perhaps you could seek some counselling for you? It's not easy and it's a bumpy road. You need to be really ready and able to face it

That was your plan but now you've had two professionals explain that your DD has needs you didn't know about when you made that plan, and nursery can offer her support with those needs more than your original plan does.

The problem is that keeping her away from social situations isn't going to help her develop ways of coping with them. If anything, she may become even more reliant on being cosy and safe at home with you and less able to cope. What will happen if, in a year's time, you don't feel her separation anxiety has improved because she has had that extra year of being dependent on you being there? Would you keep her home indefinitely?

Ok

So the HV clearly has concerns

How about meeting them halfway

• I don't want to send her to nursery just yet - what do you think needs to change to remove your concerns about my child development

Do other parents have to prove though what they are doing for their toddler ? I feel like I’m under huge pressure and scrutiny ?
Is this typical of SEN parents to have to show professionals what they are doing ??

Your two year old sounds perfectly happy and healthy. You are more than capable of making parenting decisions for your child's future so just thank the health visitor for her suggestions and tell her you will take it from here.
The reason is likely money, services get more funding if they put children onto parenting programmes etc and if they find fault in your child and funding is available etc.
Children socialise very well with mixed ages without having to attend anything without parent stay and play.

It should not be a problem though as nursery is a choice - it’s not as if she has no input at home and I’m a sahm this is my choice we had decided when she was little - nursery at 3 and I feel pressured to change my decision when as her parent I don’t feel it is what’s best for her at the current time

I understand what you’re saying here but please understand that when you’re talking about choices, they’re your choices not your DD’s. That’s perfectly valid and obviously your dd hasn’t got the comprehension or experience to make her own but that also means it’s not necessarily going to be any less difficult for her at 3 than it is at 2.

Most SEN parents take any help they are offered, including nursery.

It's only 15 hours, OP. You need to think about what's best for her not how you feel about it. It's a no-brainier it will help with speech development.

I don't know why you wouldn't.

You are not getting it right op. This has nothing to do with your parenting. Your child needs all the help she can get as soon as possible. Children in nursery fair better in speech development then at home. This is old research. This has nothing to do with what you think and how you feel. It's thousand of words that children have to learn at this stage. Between 2 and three it's a litteral explosion that happens in the brain. Give her all the stimulation and learning she can get with professionals. It's only half a day, you have her the other half to do all that you want. Also Anxiety of separation will disappear, trust your child and give her the best of best. Test it for a few weeks and see if there is any improvement. Remember that you still have half a day to implement your own plan. The more people to help your kid the better. This is my opinion. Also time when she is away is a time that you can have to plan your time with her. Outings, readings, learning, play time etc. It's also free help, do you have any idea how much it cost ?

No you don't.

But as a SEN parent myself nursery was the best decision.
They have things in place I would never of thought of.

If you want to keep her at home I honestly feel your holding her back.
If you want her at home get a plan in place to help her.
Toddler groups etc have their time but it's not going to help the issues she has.