15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

She’s definitely not ready mostly due to her separation anxiety and level of understanding she doesn’t understand‘mummy’s coming back’ or anything like that

This is your own interpretation of matters though.

If you rarely leave her, of course she is unused to situations where you leave & come back. This is like any child getting used to nursery or childcare for the first time.

Going to nursery will help her learn these skills.

I think the HV is very sensible.

She's overweight already ? No wonder they want her in nursery

Just seen this. I 100% agree. It only gets more exhausting too.

Take the break.

In my area portage is only offered if the child attends a certain number of other sessions a week from an approved list (childcare settings, selected groups/classes like sing & sign). So it may be that to get portage you need to claim your funded nursery sessions as well.

Nursery is good because they have to document progress of every child in quite a lot of detail, so you have access to lots of written evidence which is helpful for referrals if you need them down the line.

My advice as a parent of a 4 year old with developmental delays and SEN is that 'wait and see' is not a good approach. Early intervention makes a world of difference, and NHS waiting lists etc are all so slow that its better to get moving now, then if DC no longer needs support/intervention by the time they get to the top of the list, then great.

You are being offered 15 hours at nursery as an early intervention tool. You speak about speech therapy and portage, but nursery is being offered now as an alternative (or first step) to the services which aren't available now, when it's needed.

They've offered it, and are strongly recommending it, because - for many children - it really helps.

Have you been to the proposed setting to have a look and chat to the staff about your DD's needs. Finding out how they can support your DD development may make you feel better and you could gradually build up to the 15 hours. Nursery should be able to support her sensory issues too, she won't be the only one. Separation anxiety won't magically disappear especially if she never has the experience of being away from you.

My DS has developmental delays and my thoughts are i would give anything a try if i thought it might help. As others have said you can try and take her out if it really isn't working.

Hi
Read up on 'attachment theory'

It's perfectly normal for her to be upset when you leave her at nursery.

www.verywellmind.com/what-is-attachment-theory-2795337

Hope it helps ease your worries

Do you think the separation anxiety will reduce when she’s older? I think the opposite might be the case and the longer she’s not socialising with others, the more reluctant she will be to do so.

I think they’re trying to tell you that DD is going to need some input to address the developmental and speech delays and that a nursery setting will facilitate that process.

It’s your choice, of course, but I’d look for intervention sooner rather than later, especially if she’s going to need extra support in the future.

Oh and portage works with the nurseries and you, they observe in both settings, they can then refer onto salt etc

Generally I disagree with nursery as a whole, especially for babies/toddlers (undern3s). I get the reluctancy. Really I do. However it does sound like your little one would benefit.

I'm going to speak plainly.

You're causing your DD to be overweight at just 2 years old by your reluctancy to say no.

Her lack of understanding and speech, may be additional needs but might not be. She may benefit from having stories read, stsff talking to her about this and that, listening to other children talk. The early years are very important, they form you. She needs the support they can offer, it sounds like her health would benefit and possibly her growing mind may be more stimulated there.

For some children, I think nursery and early years education is absolutely beneficial. Your DD is one of those children, follow the advice. Lots of people, myself included are eligible for 2 year funding, but are not pressured into it. The reason is because they don't really need it / wouldnt benefit from it. Yours would, the want what is best for your child.

Have a think about it. It may be hard, you may be against it for under 3s, however it is in your daughters best interests. It's just 15 hours, hardly full time.

I work in early years and have an older child with sen and also 3yr old.

I can see this thread also seems like a bit of pressure too!

My eldest has SEN. The two year funding wasn't a thing back then, but I'd have waited until he was three even if it was.

I started him at three purely so he could be assessed and observed. I knew he would need support in nursery and school (ehcp). Looking back even then it was hard for him but I knew he would need that ehcp funding for school.

You are your daughter's best advocate. If she does have development delay and possibly autism you have years age ASD of you of standing your ground, advocating for her needs, making big choices.

If you want her at home until three, write out a plan. Things you'll be working on. Activities you'll be doing to aid her development. How each outing or activity helps her development and in what areas. There's a good document for parents based on the eyfs. I'll find a link for it. You could use it to link how you provide things for her in each area of development and also see how she's doing development wise.

Have you viewed the place offering the two year old funding? Go visit. Ask them their room numbers, ratios, observe the activity and noise levels in the room. Ask them about how they'd support your dd. Ask if you can do a shorter amount of hours eg a couple of hours two or three times a week and build up IF you decide to give the place a try. Going to visit the place will help you give a more informed yes or no.

Over the years I've visited soo many nurseries, then schools, then special schools, and now post 16 Sen placements.

Visiting the place helps you to show those asking that you have made an informed decision based on the setting they're suggesting.

The pluses of sending her age 2-3 would be a break for you, assessments on her development starting now rather than a year later. This could be good as the waiting lists for these things are huge.

My youngest I had no plans to use the two year old funding. Then he experienced lockdown. Even as a very active parent with a background in early years I knew he needed some time in another setting.

Sorry for the long post. To sum up I'd say keep an open mind, get as much info as possible, and accept support offered too.

Look if there are local parent support groups too. Try Facebook group search, often these are a rich source of local information and advice from other local parents in the same situation.

TBH, I agree with your health visitor. From what you’ve written I think you DD would benefit from attending nursery.

I agree too. DS's nursery did lots of work to bring on his speech and social skills. Everything you have written suggests that trying nursery would be the best step here.

This is meant with utter kindness, but I get the impression that your separation anxiety may be worse than hers

I kept getting nagged for this but DD was already in nursery 3 days a week. In the end, I applied for the code then did nothing with it and that ended the barrage.

That said though, your DD would probably benefit greatly from attending.

You don't think much of health visitors, do you? Either that, or you don't understand that they're highly trained and know exactly what they're talking about. The nursery can do so much more than you think you can do at home. Such a misinformed comment.

Sorry I has assumed you didn't want more advice when I posted this but in case you did then I would try one afternoon a week and see how she gets on. Some children thrive, and it might help with the separation anxiety.

I just don’t feel she is ready and I think we do some nice activities and groups ourselves and she sees other children. I can’t see how she will gain skills and develop if she’s overwhelmed or overstimulated or upset. I would reassess before 3 potentially if her separation anxiety improved or she could understand I’d come back but at the moment she seems to need me as her ‘base’ to feel secure and I want to stick to our plans to do things this way. The pressure is just a lot from hv.

Of o thought nursery would help I definitely would send her but my gut feeling now is that it cold cause her to withdraw (as Ive seen her do when toddler groups get too busy) and she needs more time to develop in the home environment.

I think I just need to be able to articulate this to the hv - should I actually set out plans ? Ofincreasing groups and interactions? I could look at private SALT ? I’m not sure but I’m willing to work with them but it doesn’t feel right to send her now I’m sure she’s not ready and I don’t want to damage her emotionally

They nagged you to send your child more? Why didn't you use the code?! Would have saved you loads.

I can’t see how she will gain skills and develop if she’s overwhelmed or overstimulated or upset

You don't know that any of those things will happen.

You need to look at the nursery & maybe give it a chance.

It sounds so much about your worries & not DD's.

at the moment she seems to need me as her ‘base’ to feel secure

All 2 yos do. And your DD will still have you as her base, if she goes to nursery.

Just tell the HV you've thought about it and you don't think it's in her best interest. They can't MAKE you send her. Does she spend any time with anyone when you are not there? It might be an idea to work on that. School will come soon and that will be challenging if not.

She gets visibly distressed and overwhelmed in certain environments so I feel there’s a high chance it could happen

It sounds like you and your dd have a lovely routine but I just wanted to add the reason you feel pressured is because the HCP’s have witnessed the benefits of the things they’ve recommended. It’s a good thing they’re passionate about it in a general sense. They also have the perspective that they’re looking further ahead than most parents tend to and trying to avoid problems they’ve seen crop up later down the line.

There are compromises like taking up less hours than offered and negotiating a longer settling in period with you present which are worth exploring.

Ultimately though, you don’t have to take up any support offered, it’s just that - an offer. I would recommend reviewing your way of doing things to address the concerns that are known. It’s not a comment on your parenting it’s acknowledging that there’s more than one way to achieve a goal and sometimes our dc respond to a different ways rather than what comes to the parents naturally. They’re their own people so it’s not surprising really.

Yes, and nursery can always phone you if she is distressed and needs you.