15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

It has been quite upsetting as I know I’m trying my best and doing my best and I’m constantly thinking of things we can do to help and stimulate dd. Groups but also I look on Instagram a lot for ideas for new activities at home , I make her sensory boxes and we do baking etc and I try to make sure she gets time outdoors to play and most importantly time around other children (she doesn’t really pay them any attention but she’s still in that environment) .

I know I’m not perfect who is but I’m trying my absolute best

Thanks I will

Yes - this is an excellent place to start. We didn’t apply for DLA until DS1 was six because, like you OP, we weren’t sure if the differences between him and other children were big enough to qualify for DLA. However in hindsight I’ve always wondered if we could have got it earlier, because when we did eventually apply it was such a straightforward process for us. Worth looking into.

It’s really hard to bear the sly and more direct suggestions of poor parenting. It happens to most people with disabled children and I think particularly when language is delayed. I found Montessori worked particularly well for mine. It’s a very gentle way of teaching and lends itself to home and delay (unsurprising given it’s origins).
i think keep in mind that your dd doesn’t need to be “fixed” she needs to be what she can be and you aa a family have just as much right as anyone else to live your life happily in your own way. So common is this intrusive pushing into disabled peoples life choices and homes that it’s actually part of the laws surrounding disability that you have a right to privacy etc.
I love my son (who is nearly adult) and disability is not our whole world.

OP do you have another older child? If so what was their development like? Perhaps mention that with professionals. I was lucky in that mine was one of twins. Even then people suggested perhaps I didn’t talk/interact enough with one twin enough. The mums at Twins Club used to get the giggles every time I mentioned it (raising twinS is very communal). I have occasionally had people suggest that there’s “something wrong” with both of them. Upsetting especially when said in front of a very able child.

I realised very early that deep down I wished the difficulties stemmed from something I was doing, because that’s so very easy to solve.😢

Yes and development was ok. Brief separation anxiety 9-12 months, no other real issues. He went to nursery at 2 because where we lived then it was nursery at 2 for 2 years and then all the children went to one of two primary schools so we wanted him to get to know them and the school didn’t have a school nursery but then when we moved it’s different here so we chose to send dd when she’s 3 to the school nursery.it seemed the sensible option as I’m a sahm

Look, I made a comment that the health visitor and GP have tried to persuade the OP to send her child to nursery because they want to see if she thrives in a different environment outside the home. I agree that a 2 year old with suspected SEN has (in theory) access to other services. In reality, the waiting lists for those services are 2 years long, which tells you how many children are on them. In the meanwhile, parents are encouraged to take up 2 year funded places, often in the hope that the early years settings will be able to undo two years of damage so that the child/children will not need the services.

I would imagine (I’m not sure) that you at least need professionals’ reports to be able to apply for DLA. Most funded 2 year olds are on waiting lists to see those professionals, so they are not yet in receipt of DLA. However, nurseries are able to access SENIF funding for them without reports, and it is a substantial amount of money - more than double the actual funding.

I understand what you’re saying and I do know that it could apply in some cases that the home environment isn’t ideal but I have explained to the HV multiple times the groups and activities we do and our home environment is absolutely fine - I’m not going to send her just so the hv and gp can test out this theory ! I know what I’m doing and all I have done is good parenting

I would imagine (I’m not sure) that you at least need professionals’ reports to be able to apply for DLA
You need to demonstrate there is need for DLA application, and while there is a long wait for asd assessment there really isn’t that long a wait for hearing tests etc. The thing is you are “not sure”. So why make comments like I agree that a 2 year old with suspected SEN has (in theory) access to other services. because there ARE services and you are describing things you obviously know little about. Imagine if this child’s mother doesn’t bother to apply for dla, or ask for assessment because you have presented it as ONLY REALLY accessible through nursery. Nursery is a route, staying home is a route, both should allow for hearing, eyesight, speech/language, to be assessed.

The waiting lists for speech therapy, music therapy, OT, etc, are 1-2 years in my area. The waiting lists for multi disciplinary assessments are in excess of 2 years.

If you can get DLA without professionals’ reports, that is shocking, frankly. But nothing would surprise me.

If you can get DLA without professionals’ reports, that is shocking, frankly. But nothing would surprise me.
If the situation is that it takes 2 years in your area to get professional reports and concerns are raised at 2, then what would be shocking is that you feel disabled children shouldn’t be able to qualify for DLA before 4😱.
OP will have “reports” anyway, her GP, her dietitians, other people who have contact with her child like dentists, opticians, Health Visitors, nurses, perhaps playgroup leaders etc

So basically your saying it’s ok that families are left in complete limbo in every sense for at least two years?

looking back one of my biggest regrets is putting off applying for DlA for DS for so long. I carried on trying to manage juggling way to many balls until I dropped them. The dla has meant I have been able to stop working and actually ensure Ds can get what he needs without me making myself Ill in the process

I’ve just had a look online at the dla forms -you have to give gp details plus details of other professionals involved so I assume at the very least they’ll contact the gp

I agree with @Sirzy apply as early as possible they won’t give it to you if you aren’t eligible

You can apply for DLA at any time, it just strengthens your case if you also have reports from the professionals to add.

From my experience it's a bit more challenging to demonstrate on paper that a developmentally delayed child under 2 requires support over and above a child of a similar age when it comes to DLA. Although of course not impossible, however the reality is that applying for a child with physical disabilities is much more straightforward under that age, because the additional help required is clearly distinguishable.

I applied for DLA for my DC when they were 3 and a half, having received autism diagnosis at 2 and 3 months. DC was awarded high rate care, but no mobility. As DC is now approaching 5 they have sent the forms through for me to apply for mobility again, and I suspect DC will probably qualify for the lower rate.

Even if you apply and get turned down, you can ask for mandatory reconsideration followed by an appeal, so it is worth doing as you can buy in more support for your DD.