15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

Before your child is referred for anything whether it’s autism or something else . A educational psychologist would come to the nursery and assess the child , they would decide if it’s sen /environmental etc .with my LA you need this before you apply for echp. ignore the hate comments op your doing everything right . You know your child better than anyone ..

I assume common causes of speech delay such as hearing difficulties have been properly explored?

No I have had to ask the HV to refer for hearing test as it hadn’t been mentioned but hopefully now will get done

Good. Hearing issues have to be ruled out before speech therapy anyway.
Your DCs tongue and roof of mouth should be checked that they have developed normally. This is a simple check, but physical problems can lead to speech delay as it is harder to form sounds.
Do you have a TV or radio on most of the day? That can make it harder for children to learn how to speak.
Singing songs, doing rhymes with her, and storytelling all help as well.

No radio at all. We don’t really watch much tv she sometimes watches a bit of CBeebies maybe 2-3 times a week for 20-30 mins if I’m doing some housework and need to keep her happy and get out to hang washing etc but it’s not that much

She doesn’t have a dummy and she’s had a dental check up and that was all ok

Oh good. The hearing check will rule out the last obvious cause then. I am surprised they did not suggest this as it is an obvious thing to check for.

It was because of this thread that I asked ! I assumed the newborn hearing test meant all was fine but apparently things can change

Hi,
I so empathise with you.
The push to shove young children into nurseries and childcare is insane in this country.
Now, I think that every parent should be able to choose and not feel this unnecessary pressure.
The theory of nursery is basically to try and counteract what is in effect crap parenting and the impact of parents in poverty that may offer their children less opportunities as a result.
This is not the scenario with children who have additional needs.
Some will flourish with additional support. As do some parents.
But in scenarios like your child, that is not necessary at this point imo. Your child socialises, takes part in regular activities that are not just you and the child.
A child under 2 doesn't need to be able to be away from their primary caregiver!
I come from the position of having a child who at that age was already under a paediatrician for global developmental delay, suspected autism, delayed speech, deafness as well as other health concerns.
My advice is trust your gut instinct. Get the GP to refer to community paediatrician for suspected autism and delays. Request a speech therapist assessment, in most areas you can self refer if not get the GP to refer. I'd also request an auditory assessment as speech delay often goes hand in hand with hearing issues, which can be "simple" as glue ear.
As for the hv, if I'm honest I'd state that you thank her for her suggestions, but unless she will refer to portage, speech therapy or other supportive agencies, that at this time, you don't feel that she is able to offer any additional support at this time, but if anything changes, you'll contact her.
You're not obligated to use the hv and tbh my sils all have had awful hv experiences. I didn't, because I never really saw mine and I got all of the referrals etc in place myself as they were always busy or couldn't possibly do the checks within 3 months of when they should have been! If you cannot bear to have to say this face to face, then leave a voicemail or send an email/letter. She cannot say you're refusing support if you've already requested referrals to paeds, portage, ent and salt!
As for nursery, we tried it at 3years, and I cannot emphasise this enough, it was fucking awful. For my child, me and the nursery staff. The impact of this went with us through reception and KS1. Something that I am convinced that if I had stuck to my guns at 3,that they didn't need nursery as we had so many activities they participated in that this would have changed the early years.
Also, the tone of the nursery, sets the tone of their primary school years. Mine, I quote said, "they don't look autistic" and it has taken years of me pushing for appropriate social support. And basically if my child was badly behaved and disrupting the teacher, rather than making they'd have got much more support.
Please don't feel that you need to tor some nursery line. You don't. Do it in your time. If you are concerned re separation anxiety them perhaps just make more of a concerted effort yo perhaps go out of sight a little more at groups etc, or when with family to say go off for a couple of minutes etc and build up. But only if you feel this is appropriate to your situation.
Good luck.

Not sure if it still exists, but the BBC used to have a program called rara the lion, this was a program apparently created by speech therapists, or so I was told. So it maybe worth seeing if still exists.

Oh I’ll see if I can find it we’ve been putting yakka Dee on for her and she loves it

You've got the wrong person!

This post is just ridiculous, laughable

Firstly, the richest person in the world has SEN... One of the world's most famous film stars does too

Secondly, the idea that anywhere NEAR 1 in 3 children or even 1 in 30 children get a full time 1-1 is just insane.

Also you claiming too much milk causes SEN like "symptoms"? WTF

I do concede however that attachment difficulties seen in neglected children, children in DV situations, or children where the primary caregiver has depression etc can look like SEN - and frankly those children DO have SEN, regardless of the cause.

To frame this however as being merely down to poor parenting because someone did something they read about on Mumsnet however is ridiculous.

. If you are able to provide plenty of interaction she will do just as well at home with you. No child will develop special needs just because they didn't go to nursery aged 2. I have a dd with asd and speech issues. She did go to nursery and did stuff at home too the only benefit of nursery was her ability to be with other adults ie not too clingy with me but also it was easier to show that she was delayed. You could find it holds up referrals later as professionals will want to see her in an educational setting to say that she needs help. I would carry on as you are but don't be afraid of nursery either. Input from others won't make things worse.

At least a third of funded 2 year olds have additional needs of some kind. Some of them have SEN; most have parents who have made choices that have caused them to have delays. A child who is shoved in front of a screen with a bottle of milk instead of being fed a meal, and who has no sleep routine and is not read to or spoken to is going to have a speech delay. It is not rocket science.

And while it is certainly difficult to get EHCP funding, it is not difficult to get SENIF funding - which, by the way, is a comparable amount of money.

I'd keep her home till 3 in your position. I find the idea that nursery is some kind of magic solution to developmental issues bizzare.

Isn’t being in receipt of dla also a reason to be getting 2 year funding so these children might just be more likely to have SEN due the the fact they meet the criteria due to dla ?

@strawberrycustard - No, the majority don’t have a diagnosis and the waiting lists for assessments are about 2 years long. That’s how bad it is.

If these problems have only existed in the last 5 years, how come I was getting support on MN to co-sleep 13 years ago? How come 11 years ago I was at sure start with parents who were putting their kids in buggies with a bottle of juice and a lolly and wheeling them around town for the entire day, shouting or offering more sweets when they complained?

I don't think any of this is unique to the last 5 years.

You don’t need a diagnosis for dla though it is needs based so it could be the case

OP does your DD get DLA, or have you looked into applying? You are entirely correct - as you know - that a diagnosis isn’t needed. Your HV might actually be helpful in this regard if you’re looking at applying. And any DLA your daughter is awarded could be used for private therapies.

No she doesn’t get it, I thought about applying when we were told she had developmental delay but I wasn’t sure she would qualify so I have put it off. Maybe I need to reconsider as like you say it could be used for therapy

I was told her needs need to be much higher than 2 year olds with no difficulties and I’m not sure they are, she obviously has extra needs but I’m not sure they are enough ? She does sleep through the night too. Daytimes can be very difficult but nights are ok she needs more sleep I think than usual even has a nap after lunch each day and a full 12 hours each night plus if we go anywhere different it makes her sleep afterwards for a long time

Have a look at the cerebra guide that should help you look at things

You don’t need to be in nursery(or school once older) for DLA, Ed psych, SALT, hearing tests, speech and language, portage, hearing, sight, physical tests, occupational therapy….and more. Some of the things being said on this thread to pressure OP into sending her child to nursery are in accurate. The constant suggestion that it’s her crappy modern parenting when she sounds, if anything, to fall in the more traditional hands on mum role. Her daughter HAS a developmental delay and is bing seen by a dietitian, it’s highly likely she has a difficulty beyond environment. How awful that so many people seem to think it’s fine to undermine her parenting. It makes me feel a bit sick.