15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

Does she ever spend time without you or her father?

have you considered visiting the nursery and talking to them?

That's exactly why she needs to be in a setting. She won't progress if you hold her back

OP how is her seperation an iety going to improve if she is always with you?

Honestly why would you not take up 15hours of free education for your child. It really isn't that much over a week

No she’s never been left with anyone else but does see other people regularly

I think you might need to work on that tbh. I know it's hard but she won't learn you'll come back if you don't leave her.

I could do things myself at home or ask dm/mil to have her for me to build it up but in familiar environments

How will never leaving her help her separation anxiety? In the kindest possible way you need to make sure your anxieties don’t hold her back.

Does it have to be the full 15 hours? Could she just do say two mornings a week?

Still loads of time for groups and with you but a gentler introduction.

I think otherwise it's a big jump to make just because she happens to have turned three. It won't magically make her ready

Currently I can’t even leave the room so I’m working on that ! It’s that intense she seems to have the separation anxiety level that my son did at 9-12 months but he quickly learnt I’d come back if went to the toilet or something but dd has developed this later and more intensely

Do you think that you might be doing her more harm than good from “protecting” her from these experiences?
The reason the 15 hours is so important is to stop children like this becoming more delayed with speech, social skills ect.

seperation anxiety is completely normal and something nursery workers and teachers deal with day in day out.
she has to be allowed to explore and play with other children her age and you may be holding her back from flourishing in an environment she is entitled to explore. Just a suggestion.

so why haven’t you? If you are so aware of the issues why haven’t you already taken those steps?

Mil only just retired so wasn’t available previously and my dm isn’t local so it wasn’t an option before

You need to start leaving jer with other people so she can see that you come back.
She's not just going to wake up one day and realise that you'll come back when she's left at nursery.

She's not going to accept that you'll come back if you tell her.

The best way for her to realise that you'll come back is to put it into practice in a regular routine.

As I had in mind she will start at 3 I had roughly planned to have longer to deal with her separation anxiety

She gets visibly distressed and overwhelmed in certain environments so I feel there’s a high chance it could happen

It could, but equally the opposite might happen and your DD may thrive in the nursery environment. You'll never know unless you give it a try.

Also not all nurseries are the same. So dismissing the idea of nursery completely, without talking to different settings and looking at what is out there seems quite a harsh decision. Have you looked into different nurseries and had a chat with them about your DD?

SLT in such young child, especially if the child has a global delay rather than more specific difficulties will almost always be delivered via the nursery/day care placement. The HV won't be with you long enough to do assessments as they will be observational over many days. The placement will be adept at non verbal communication including augmentative and alternative systems if needed. Its a difficult decision for you but pls don't believe the placement won't be able to cope.

Also (I don’t mean for this to appear harsh) but is this your first child? And is there a chance that this is more your own anxieties than the child’s?
maybe you could do something for yourself while she is at nursery and work on that if that is the case.

nursery helps to prepare children to start school, and you want her to start school as ready and resilient as she can be. What is on offer to you through nursery is a HUGE benefit and could make the biggest difference to the way your child presents as they start F2

I will do but I know she’s not ready yet for a formal routine she needs to be able to just play and gain confidence in her own time she has years to adhere to routines of nursery and school but this coming year I feel like she needs to be at home and gently allowed to develop

i just really need advice how to assert myself and do I need to set out to reassure the hv how I will be helping dd development at home

Also fwiw my children have a variety of disabilities and needs between them and have all thrived at nursery, not struggled more, they are there to meet the child’s individual needs,

In my opinion they are trying to help her and nicely trying to get across to you that professionals can help her more than you! She obviously isn’t doing as well as she might and needs some extra help and support with her development, which the qualified professionals will give her above and beyond what you’re ‘taking her out’ does. In all honesty you need to send her even if only a couple of mornings a week for her development sake.

I think it would be highly beneficial for you're dd to attend playgroup before going onto nursery.
By what you're saying I think it will cause more issues for you taking her straight to nursery at 3.
I would take the HV and doctors advice on board or it may come across as it's you who has separation anxiety from you're daughter

Also this ….in spades! 🙌🏼 You aren’t being fair to her think of her not what you want.

Would it help you to reframe it as a way to help her get the support she needs in her development?

my son is autistic amongst other things so I get your concerns but I think deep down it’s more about you than her. It’s hard to realise that sometimes other people are in a better position to provide the help. Starting nursery was amazing for my sons language development because I wasn’t there to talk for him.

please before writing it off at least visit the setting and talk to them with an open mind.

Why not start with a couple half days of nursery?

You need to give her the opportunity to be away from you and be in a different environment, with early years specialist and other children.

You're getting professional advice, that they are giving you for your child's benefit. But ignoring it for your own comfort.

Why not give it a go OP? You can always take her out. Obviously it would have to be a long enough try to allow her a chance to get over the separation anxiety, but if you’ve given it several months and she’s unhappy then you can stop.

In the meantime you will have learned quite a lot about her, what she struggles with and what she doesn’t, what nursery helps with and what it doesn’t. You’ll also have the benefit of experienced nursery staff helping her and giving their view on her delays (this can be important if you want medical help like speech therapy).

When my DC was this age she had some delays, it wasn’t clear what exactly was the problem. The nursery staff helped enormously. They could tell me how she was different from others her age, what stood out to them. I was hugely grateful and it led to DD getting the correct diagnosis (and therefore the correct help) rather than me going in circles on my own.

You are saying she should get speech therapy and portage instead of nursery, but this will come a lot quicker and easier if there are nursery staff saying she needs it and if it’s clear that you’ve tried nursery for a while and it didn’t sort it.

Think of nursery as a tool to help get what your DD needs.