15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

My son was delayed in many aspects, we were told to put him in nursery at 2.
I was worried sick tbh but it was the best thing we could have ever done for him.
He has learnt so much.

I would follow the advise. They aren't doing it to question your parenting they know it'll work wonders for your child.

Nursery is fantastic for child with delays the structure is good and it gives more time to get used to the structured setting.

Also looking after SEN child is exhausting , take the break

From what you have written, I have to agree with your HV and the GP. They wouldn't express these opinions without concern.

It also doesn't sound to me like you have a clear plan for the next year, if you don't send her to nursery. A clear plan, which puts your daughters developmental needs first.

I understand your concern, however it doesn't sound like you're creating stumbling blocks instead of thinking of solutions.

If you have never left your daughter with anyone else, or taken steps to help her separation anxiety, how will you be in a different situation this time next year?

Mine were both at home until 3, I never got any pressure from anyone so I’d say they’re trying to push you towards nursery because it will be beneficial to your DD.
With regards to separation anxiety that will probably still be an issue when she’s 3 or beyond - even school aged children still struggle. The only way it improves is to show them mummy comes back. Saying it doesn’t help or make a difference so often waiting I til they’re older doesn’t actually help.

Anyway, it’s totally your call of course but it may benefit your DD with the issues she has. For that reason alone I don’t see why you wouldn’t at least give it a go?

Also looking after SEN child is exhausting , take the break

I think that is probably the best point on the whole thread.

Due to her language delay the HV is suggesting nursery as this does help children. Usually the hours from 2 are only suggested if they think it would be a benefit and something the child can't get from home

Early year's is a solid foundation for children.
They will have access to a range of tools to help her in all sorts of ways, balance! Fine and gross motor skills, puzzles and a huge variety of toys she will likely be doing adult led play and child led play.
They will observe her and maybe able to assist you with referrals far easier than the doctor.

There is absolutely no harm in trying it for 3 months!

Op I was a sahm and my personal feelings are usually with very small DC a good balance between home and nursery or home is usually better until they are older and can verbalise.
However I was taken aback at just how in-depth the early years stuff is and as I said I was an engaged parent trying to bring dd on with a speech delay.
( The salt work was good but only 6 sessions).
I wish I had had acces to all the things most nursery practitioners will know!
3 months will do no harm at all and you can assess From there and see what their observations are. Even if you pull her out you will be better placed to know how to proceed.

To add she doesn't have to do 15 hours, she could just do a couple of hours twice a week

I agree with HV that nursery is likely to be of benefit to your dc, especially given the developmental delay. Speech therapy for a 2 year old isnt always appropriate as their attention levels are often so limited (as would be expected for any 2 year old) that direct therapy isn't that effective. What is better is a 'drip drip' approach in a stimulating and language rich environment.

Whilst I understand your reticence, it's a big step for many parents regardless of if they're 1, 2 or 3. You might find that the separation anxiety is no better/ or worse next year as their awareness level increases. I would recommended that you explore the option with an open mind, visit the nursery and speak to the staff.

Honestly give it a try. Nursery will be able to push for speech and language and various other services to support your DD. Speech and language in my area currently has an 18months wait because of the backlog due to Covid and the number of children with delays increasing- which is probably also linked to Covid and being more isolated and lack of baby groups etc.

your daughters separation anxiety won’t get better unless she has to be away from you even if for short periods and being gentle about it- you say she communicates with you non verbally a lot so she may not be using her words because she has learnt she doesn’t need to.

maybe only put her in for half day a couple of times a week and see how she goes. You can do settling in sessions with her and hopefully she will love it there

Re seperetion, it will stress her out so maybe you can just do phased withdrawal.
Of course separation will be easier when she understands it more!

It will raise stress hormones.

But I'm sure there is way around it.

We never planned to keep her out just to send her at 3 not 2

My daughter is almost 7 and until very recently she had very bad separation anxiety and social anxiety her whole life, panic attacks, tears, anxiety attacks, school refusals etc. I've done an anxiety course and she's a completely different kid in such a short space of time.

Of course you have to do what's right for you but my advice is to put her in nursery, it'll help her speech, developmental delays, she'll have fun with other kids, and it'll most likely help her anxiety.

Good luck, I know it's not easy.

Sounds like she'd benefit from being in nursery for a few hours a week tbh. Most people don't get offered this opportunity. You could even try it and stop if she really wasn't coping.

things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

Nursery can implement speech therapy programne. Speech therapy is not the session one hour a,week but the whole environment. Following other kids and structure can be really beneficial. Ds with sen really benefitted.

As parents we often anticipate our kids needs and wants. Communicating to others needs development. nursery will look at how she communicates and help her with that. And feedback and support you. being around other kids in structured setting ( story time now, singing now, music now, eating now, etc) can push her development

Sorry you’re getting pressured here too, OP. I sent my older one at 2 and 3 months and she’s taken to it well, but not all kids do and if she has separation anxiety I would wait longer too. I’d try and be firm in your stance, and ask for advice and resources on what you could be doing to help while caring for her yourself.

It's a box-tick thing, nursery helps development when children are being denied the opportunity to practise normal development at home, which sadly does happen - children put in buggies and ignored all day etc - assuming that is not your lifestyle, they won't do anything that you can't do yourself. The problem is that the HV etc may not necessarily understand this distinction and may just have the information that when a child is delayed, nursery often helps.

You should make sure you are doing plenty of face to face talking without TV on in the background, without dummy in the way and that she has plenty of opportunity to move around independently.

Whether nursery will offer her something positive is a different question and it may well do that. God knows nursery staff seem to have endless energy and patience which I do not! However personally I have found my children got more from nursery past age 3, at least past 2.5.

Personally I’d keep her home. Ask the question in the SNs section and see what people with similar children did/would do.

As an experienced Mum of 9 - with multiple neurodiverse children. YOU know your child! Do what YOU feel is right! I did nursery with my first 4 - 4 were ok but for number 3 the preverbal hit the fan when he got into school and couldn't cope. Number 5 didn't cope with nursery and was the first to get an dx of autism. Nursery is good for them IF they are going to thrive in that environment and enjoy it. The rest that is spouted is nonsense. 2 is very young and there is nothing a nursery can do that you couldn't as a good, engaged and perceptive parent, which you sound. Btw I would have autism on your radar. Xx

Agree @5zeds

My first 2 didn't go to a nursery setting until they were 3 and I was happy with that, both were extremely good at talking from an early age and very confident. We went to some kind of toddler group most days and had lots of playdates etc. With my 3rd they had a speech delay and went to nursery from 2 which definitely helped with the speech, although he was also very upset going and still gets upset leaving me at school sometimes. It's totally fine to just do things your way until 3, I think it's nice that children get to spend that time with you, they grow up so fast. I think just try and make sure you do as many toddler groups or things where they interact as you can, and if the speech delay continues it might help her to be at nursery.

The more you write the worse this all gets. I agree with hv. You do seem to get blocking every suggestion, but offering no alternative. Why are denying her the intervention she so clearly needs?
Alternatively, If she needs speech therapy ask HV the make a referral now. If she's got very bad separation anxiety what are you doing to address this?

OP every child suffers seperation anxiety, its perfectly normal, but is usually worse the older they are when you start leaving them.

From what you've written i think your vhild would benefit massively from nursery

In a nursery they can observe over a number of weeks rather than just a 15 minute visit, plus when kids need to use language they often do (whereas at home all there needs are met). The fact she has recognised delays means they are concerned, trust me, many parents are fighting for their childrens delays to be recognised at 2. Why not try nursery for a term, see how it is? My dd is autistic and started nursery at 2.5 (a special school one) and it really helped

I have a child with additional needs. The sooner you can get her in the system and get her diagnosed the better in my opinion.

Just going off what you have written (and nothing else) she would benefit massively from being in a nursery with professionals and other children.

Your HV knows what she's talking about. Please listen to her.