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Original poster

I'm livid... but probably overreacting?

263 replies

BluebellBeanz · 07/06/2022 15:20

I'm so bloody cross! 😂

Firstly, I'm so not a materialistic person so I hope this doesn't come across in the wrong way but I have to get some opinions.

My parents usually get my fiance (of 15 years) a gift for his birthday - usually for around £20-30 which he is always very greatful for. We usually spend about the same on return gifts on their birthdays.

We have just found out that we need to go through IVF in the hope that we can conceive our first child. So, when my mum asked me what she could get my partner for his birthday I suggested that this year, given what we are saving for, a few pounds for the IVF fund would be really kind. She agreed.

So, when they came over a few days before his birthday, they dropped his birthday card off and a parcel in which they said there was a very small joke gift.

So today, my partner opened his card and gift and given the previous discussion about what they could get him as a gift, I expected that there would maybe be £20 in the card. But no. Then he opened his joke gift to find a miniature drumkit. I thought maybe they'd put some money in the drumkit box or something so.... feeling a bit like an ungreatful cow, I looked through the packaging but... nothing.

So, they know how desperate we are to save thousands for our chance to be parents and having asked what he'd like for a birthday gift...... they then get him a fucking novelty drumkit?! I'm so confused.

They haven't paid money into his account or mine and they haven't mentioned anything about it when texting to wish him happy birthday.

I'm so lost. Am I missing something?

I feel like I really want to ask what it's all about as I'm so cross and don't feel I can let it go without saying something, but I'll just look like an ungreatful princess kicking off. Help!

OP posts:
Notmytiep · 07/06/2022 15:28

wow, please leave this here and don't take it any further. Its really petty. Good luck with your IVF.

VimFuego101 · 07/06/2022 15:29

Knowing how much IVF costs, maybe they felt that their normal amount was such a drop in the bucket that it wasn't worth gifting him that amount of money? I always feel like I have to give more when giving cash than I'd spend on an actual present.

GinaDonatella · 07/06/2022 15:31

Money is tight right now maybe they really couldn’t afford anything and felt awkward you asked for money? Don’t say anything is my advice it’s not worth it

ancientgran · 07/06/2022 15:31

I can never work out why people ask if they are just going to do what they want anyway. It is really odd. Have you tried to get NHS funding, that would be a big help. I do hope it works out for you.

Greensleeves · 07/06/2022 15:32

You need to reframe your thinking on this. A birthday present is just that, it isn't their responsibility to contribute to your general finances and it probably never crossed their mind that you would expect that. They acknowledged his birthday with a card and a small, affectionate novelty gift - that's fine. They would probably be hurt and angry if they knew how you had reacted.

Botoxbotox · 07/06/2022 15:34

I think its just a bit....odd for want of a better word to ask for £20 towards IVF. It would make practically zero difference to your budget. Just let it go.

fluffiphlox · 07/06/2022 15:35

Completely OTT on your part I think. I’m not sure £20 is going to get you far along the IVF path.

BornIn78 · 07/06/2022 15:43

Asking for cash is rude. If someone asks for gift ideas and you can’t think of anything then “there’s nothing he wants or needs at the moment that I can think of” is more appropriate - it then allows the giver to decide for themselves if they really want to give cash.

Even ruder would be to contact your parents asking why they didn’t give your partner any cash.

I think it’s particularly odd to ask for cash towards ivf as a birthday gift.

Let it go.

Original poster
BluebellBeanz · 07/06/2022 15:43

I get what you mean. We also had the same scenario with my fiancés parents and they gave him £40 so that, with some other birthday money, will actually pay for half of the next test we need.... so it all adds up.

OP posts:
pinkspottyladybird · 07/06/2022 15:43

How do you know that they aren't putting money up to help you out?

Aquamarine1029 · 07/06/2022 15:45

You really need to let this go.

Original poster
BluebellBeanz · 07/06/2022 15:46

They've told me that they can't afford to because they have just paid for my sisters wedding.

OP posts:
RandomQuest · 07/06/2022 15:47

I’m sorry about your fertility struggles and wish you lots of luck. However, to me £20 in a birthday card is something you’d give a child not a grown adult and considering it would make naff all difference to your IVF fund, maybe they thought it would be patronising to gift you such a small amount but couldn’t afford to give you a significant sum. Let it go, they’re not obliged to contribute and it’s not worth falling out over.

skippy67 · 07/06/2022 15:49

Livid is a bit much.

Original poster
BluebellBeanz · 07/06/2022 15:49

ancientgran · 07/06/2022 15:31

I can never work out why people ask if they are just going to do what they want anyway. It is really odd. Have you tried to get NHS funding, that would be a big help. I do hope it works out for you.

This is the thing. They've had no issue giving cash in the past when we haven't asked for it. We don't have time to wait for NHS funding unfortunately, and we would only be given one cycle anyway.

OP posts:
edwinbear · 07/06/2022 15:49

I'd just hold your horses here, although appreciate it's a stressful time for you both. They may be planning to help, but unsure how best to do this i.e. they may want to give any contribution directly to you, as their daughter. Give it a few days maybe?

nearlyspringyay · 07/06/2022 15:51

£20 isn't going to dent the ivf fund. I think you need to let this go.

spinachmonster · 07/06/2022 15:51

I can see why this seems like a waste of money when every bit would count towards something so so important. Really sorry you are in this position. Hoping it works out for you. Flowers

Original poster
BluebellBeanz · 07/06/2022 15:51

skippy67 · 07/06/2022 15:49

Livid is a bit much.

OK, livid is a bit strong. 😂 I'm very cross.

OP posts:
Greenginghamdress · 07/06/2022 15:54

It's a bit odd but I don't think they mean any offence. Could it be an in joke? Clue to some sort of other gift?

ancientgran · 07/06/2022 15:54

BluebellBeanz · 07/06/2022 15:49

This is the thing. They've had no issue giving cash in the past when we haven't asked for it. We don't have time to wait for NHS funding unfortunately, and we would only be given one cycle anyway.

Show quote history

I'm sorry about that. Is it worth trying for NHS funding in case your paid for attempt isn't successful? I hope it is but it might be useful to have a free back up.

Good luck.

Boredsoentertainme · 07/06/2022 15:58

I’m sorry op you’re not entitled to cash from them, it’s not even your birthday.

leave it here now. I can’t believe you searched the packaging of his gift.

a gift is a gift, it’s not even your gift and you don’t get to demand cash.

Blossomandbee · 07/06/2022 16:02

I think there's possibly been crossed wires somewhere. The drum kit is obviously just a little token gift to open rather than what they normally give. So I would think they're either going to gift you some money at a later date or that's all they can afford right now. Maybe they thought they'd keep the money back for your IVF rather than put it in a birthday card?

stairgates · 07/06/2022 16:04

Do you think the drums were meant as a hint of a surprise, like drum roll please! We've payed got a cycle! It would be a nice surprise 🙂if not then it is a random gift indeed?!

Zippidy123 · 07/06/2022 16:04

That's really odd. Have they forgotten to put money in the card or perhaps they're putting a little aside for you and will give it to you at a later date?