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Original poster

Anyone honestly disappointed by how their DC have turned out?

429 replies

Twobigsapphires · 16/04/2022 17:08

Had this debate with my sister last night. Interested to hear views. Topic started due to me talking about my 29 year old DS and I openly admitted I’m worried that I may end up being disappointed in what he does or doesn’t make of his life. Does anyone else feel like this? Or openly admit they are disappointed in their DC, even for maybe small things? It’s started to occur to me that this maybe comes with the territory of parenting.
I know my grandparents were disappointed my mum had me out of wedlock and didn’t follow the same religion as they did and disappointed in my uncles choice or wife. Pretty sure my parents have some disappointments over me and my siblings.

OP posts:
Imissmoominmama · 16/04/2022 17:12

I’m never disappointed in them, but I sometimes worry about choices they make.

ClaudiusTheGod · 16/04/2022 17:16

Why might you be disappointed in your DS, OP? Does he not work, something like that?

wilbowaggins · 16/04/2022 17:16

No kids of my own, but I often feel that my parents are disappointed with me.

If you honestly feel that way, please do everything you can to hide it from him.

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Families
TinLeaf · 16/04/2022 17:17

My DM was disappointed with me. She never said anything but I could tell. It destroyed our relationship and we don’t have contact anymore.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 16/04/2022 17:18

I'd only ever be disappointed in my child if he ended up turning to a life of crime, or was someone who enjoyed hurting other people. I'd never be disappointed by his choice of job, relationship, etc.

Nnique · 16/04/2022 17:27

No I’ve never been disappointed in them. They’re lovely people - good people but respect themselves and know how to set boundaries, don’t mix with the wrong sort, work hard and do their best to live well. All I wanted for them was to be as secure as possible in terms of work and housing, content in themselves, safe and to form loving, healthy relationships.

Nnique · 16/04/2022 17:28

@Waxonwaxoff0

I'd only ever be disappointed in my child if he ended up turning to a life of crime, or was someone who enjoyed hurting other people. I'd never be disappointed by his choice of job, relationship, etc.
This sums it up well.
ivfbabymomma1 · 16/04/2022 17:29

@Waxonwaxoff0

I'd only ever be disappointed in my child if he ended up turning to a life of crime, or was someone who enjoyed hurting other people. I'd never be disappointed by his choice of job, relationship, etc.
Absolutely
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 16/04/2022 17:29

Why would l be disappointed in them? I love them. As long as they’re happy I’m happy. If they’re not happy, l pull out everything to make them as happy as l can.

Steelesauce · 16/04/2022 17:30

Pretty sure my Mum is disappointed in my choice of father to my children. But I am disappointed in myself too Grin

You can not agree with their choices and feel a bit disappointed but support them regardless.

If my DC turned out like some people though, I could imagine myself being very disappointed and wondering where I went wrong. Id more blame myself then anything else.

LoudParrot · 16/04/2022 17:34

My DS is taking GCSEs next month and I am a bit disappointed with how little revision he's doing, despite lots of gentle encouragement from me and DH. We can't force him to study but I kind of thought he'd be choosing to put a bit more effort in. It's his life though 🤷‍♀️

HardbackWriter · 16/04/2022 17:35

All I wanted for them was to be as secure as possible in terms of work and housing, content in themselves, safe and to form loving, healthy relationships

That's actually quite a lot, though!

PenguinIce · 16/04/2022 17:40

I am disappointed my dc has cancelled their place at Uni and got a job instead. I didn’t want their life to be as tough as mine has been. I wonder if I made a mistake hiding from them how tough life was when they were younger as maybe if they realised how hard it was they might have made different choices.

lameasahorse · 16/04/2022 17:45

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Nnique · 16/04/2022 17:45

@HardbackWriter

All I wanted for them was to be as secure as possible in terms of work and housing, content in themselves, safe and to form loving, healthy relationships

That's actually quite a lot, though!

True.

But that’s what I wanted for them, for them to be as happy and safe as possible in life - which surely every loving parent wants for their child(ren). It’s not a list of requirements, expectations or things I want from them in order to not be disappointed IYSWIM.

MarieG10 · 16/04/2022 17:47

No they have been through tough times but the end results have or appear to be fantastic

lameasahorse · 16/04/2022 17:48

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Just10moreminutesplease · 16/04/2022 17:52

I’d be disappointed if my dc chose to do something truly awful (committed violent crimes etc.). But I’d never be disappointed in them for choosing a particular career, religion, relationship, or lifestyle assuming they weren’t actively trying to hurt others.

GalaPie · 16/04/2022 17:52

I know the value of just being economically sufficient, happy and healthy, so I'm never disappointed by the way they've turned out.
I'm sad and regretful sometimes that bullying, mh issues with anxiety etc, and then covid seriously affected DD's academic and therefore economic potential (for her own benefit, I'm no performance parent).
But I'm actually very proud that she is coming out the other side, is now socially active albeit within a small group, has a decent partner, and is likely to achieve economic sufficiency (with a little fun money too) this year.

mubarak86 · 16/04/2022 17:54

I think disappointment is normal, and it's part of loving them. A parent who isn't remotely bothered that their child has chosen never to work, for example, isn't a decent one.
My DM is disappointed that I didn't continue practising her religion, and I accept that as I would be the same with my dc. It doesn't mean that she loves me any less. I was extremely disappointed when my high achieving ds decided he wanted to drop out of A levels to spend more time in the gym, and I made that very clear. (He didn't drop out in the end).

Acheyknees · 16/04/2022 17:57

Because my parents didn't support me going to university and because I left home at 18, I was always skint. I've supported my kids to go to University, helped with deposits for cars and flats etc. because I don't want them to struggle financially like I did. My eldest decided not to go to University and works a NMW job. I wonder if I've made life too comfortable for them. I don't see the drive I had at their age.

saggyhairyass · 16/04/2022 17:57

I would only be disappointed in my DC if they broke the law.

maddy68 · 16/04/2022 17:58

Both my children went To a private school. Costing us a lot of money. Both very academic kids. One has a mediocre office job. The other is in a band

An I disappointed? Hell no. They are both happy and living their lives to the max

user75 · 16/04/2022 17:59

No, I would only be disappointed if they were violent towards others. I am intensely proud of them

Ridingoverthewaves · 16/04/2022 18:00

I would be disappointed if they didn’t have children, but that would not be disappointed in them but selfishly for me. And I would never pressure them to have children for that reason.

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