Anyone honestly disappointed by how their DC have turned out?

[Twobigsapphires]

Had this debate with my sister last night. Interested to hear views. Topic started due to me talking about my 29 year old DS and I openly admitted I’m worried that I may end up being disappointed in what he does or doesn’t make of his life. Does anyone else feel like this? Or openly admit they are disappointed in their DC, even for maybe small things? It’s started to occur to me that this maybe comes with the territory of parenting.
I know my grandparents were disappointed my mum had me out of wedlock and didn’t follow the same religion as they did and disappointed in my uncles choice or wife. Pretty sure my parents have some disappointments over me and my siblings.

I don’t think I’d be disappointed in my dcs. I’m the type who’d think maybe I should’ve done more to help and be disappointed with myself.

I think it's entirely possible to be very proud of some of their achievements/traits and disappointed in others.

What are you disappointed with?

@Imissmoominmama

I’m never disappointed in them, but I sometimes worry about choices they make.

This. Never disappointed.

Also, my dad died seven years ago and at that time I hadn’t met DH or had children. I know it was a source of disappointment to him that I hadn’t but that’s largely because it was a source of disappointment to me. I think if I’d genuinely been happy with it he’d have been too.

Not at all, I am fiercely proud of my DC! And what a horrible thing to say or think! That you are disappointed in them. Bloody hell!

On occasion my D.C. have done things that disappointed me (eg did not work at uni and got a low level degree or wasted money on something I think is extravagant and frivolous) but they are one off things and I keep my feelings to myself. They are adults and have to find their own path in life. There are a lot more things they do that make me very proud indeed and those are the things I focus on.

@maddy68
This is lovely.

worried about ds and his choice of gf
and other things
worried about dd

@PenguinIce

I am disappointed my dc has cancelled their place at Uni and got a job instead. I didn’t want their life to be as tough as mine has been. I wonder if I made a mistake hiding from them how tough life was when they were younger as maybe if they realised how hard it was they might have made different choices.

Your DC has just saved themselves from a debt of £50,000 that they would have been paying until they were in their 50s. and the more they earned, the higher the monthly payments would have been. Why are you disappointed in them avoiding this?!

@Imissmoominmama

I’m never disappointed in them, but I sometimes worry about choices they make.

Me too. I'm very worried about an adult DC trapped in a toxic, controlling relationship that they want to get out of but cannot due to FOG plus threats of suicide, self harm and blackmail. They know we are always there for them and we know we can't intervene. We so want to help but cannot, there doesn't seem to be anything we can do. Meanwhile It's gone on far too long and life is passing our DC by. DC is not married, no children but is just in a state of limbo.

Anyone who piles on you isn’t worth listening to @SquirrelFan. That must be very hard.

All I ever wanted was for mine to be happy and, after years of struggle with mental health issues, finally he is. That makes me happy.

My mum is disappointed she's not getting a son in law and grandchildren off me. She thinks she hides it well. She doesn't.

My brother took a looong time to find his path. From age 16 to about 30 he couldn’t hold down a job, or finish a college or training course, or have a healthy relationship. If my ds was the same I’d be worried. But db is ok now, found his passion, earns a decent living, and got a nice girlfriend so I’ve learned there’s always hope.

@MurmuratingStarling

Its great that you have never been disappointed in your kids...but I dont think its such a abhorrent concept as you are making it out to be.

If a child or young person wastes an opportunity or a talent due to lack of effort...what is a parent supposed to feel?

I reject the concept of you cant show them anything except love. That is not healthy for the young people in the future.

It's your son's life, not yours, op. Maybe you have unrealistic expectations of him. He has to follow his own path, all you can do is be kind and supportive along the way.

Needing to live up to what parents want and being conscious that you fall sort is a hard burden to carry. I had that and so did my husband up to a point; we made sure it didn't happen with ours who grew up happy and confident.

Majority saying you’ll only be disappointed if they turn to a life of crime and violence?? you’re all full of it.
You’re telling me that if you have a bright child that instead of going to uni chooses to stack shelves in Asda you won’t be disappointed?? ( and this is the most basic example) please don’t give me” if they’re happy” sob story .
Every parent will feel disappointment throughout their life regarding their kids, it may be long or short term but impossible to avoid .
Perfect kids don’t not exist nor the perfect parents

@LoudParrot

My DS is taking GCSEs next month and I am a bit disappointed with how little revision he's doing, despite lots of gentle encouragement from me and DH. We can't force him to study but I kind of thought he'd be choosing to put a bit more effort in. It's his life though 🤷‍♀️

I feel like this about my DD too.

@MurmuratingStarling

Not at all, I am fiercely proud of my DC! And what a horrible thing to say or think! That you are disappointed in them. Bloody hell!

My friend’s brother is a convicted sex offender, and was also convicted of dealing heroin to vulnerable young adults because it was “easy money”. Fairly sure her parents are disappointed in his choices

MurmuratingStarling- I think you’re full of s…t highly deluded or have very low expectations.

I’m pretty sure I disappointed my mum - not that she’d ever have said so. I didn’t want what she did out of life, which was an office job and marriage to someone like my dad (😱). My childhood was lonely and miserable and I think she never quite forgave me in her heart of hearts for all the anxiety I caused her. As to my dad, I’ve no idea what he thought about my life or choices - he barely had a word to say about anything.

A few years before my mum died, I apologised to her for being such a disappointment.
It gave her the rage.
She chewed me out & said all her kids were the lights of her life and listed all the ways I had brought her joy.
She also threatened me never to ever say I was a disappointment to her again.
I feel the same way about my own kids, honestly, but I still feel like I let my parents down. I don’t know why — I actually did quite well. I guess I feel like I always could’ve done better.
Guilty conscience, I suppose.

I think a bit of disappointment is normal and healthy even. It proves you have hopes for them.

I wish I had been happier to disappoint my parents a little! My parents wanted to choose everything for me so the bar for disappointment was low.