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Original poster

Anyone honestly disappointed by how their DC have turned out?

429 replies

Twobigsapphires · 16/04/2022 17:08

Had this debate with my sister last night. Interested to hear views. Topic started due to me talking about my 29 year old DS and I openly admitted I’m worried that I may end up being disappointed in what he does or doesn’t make of his life. Does anyone else feel like this? Or openly admit they are disappointed in their DC, even for maybe small things? It’s started to occur to me that this maybe comes with the territory of parenting.
I know my grandparents were disappointed my mum had me out of wedlock and didn’t follow the same religion as they did and disappointed in my uncles choice or wife. Pretty sure my parents have some disappointments over me and my siblings.

OP posts:
LightSnowLight · 20/04/2022 18:53

Oops sorry for all those repeats! MN system had a glitch!!! I think I made my point!

Wintersonata · 20/04/2022 19:01

ssd · 16/04/2022 20:42
I can't imagine ever being disappointed in my kids. I adore them.

What if they voted Tory, or married someone who voted Tory?

Blankton · 20/04/2022 19:06

I’m disappointed that we don’t have that close relationship I thought we would. He moved out when 18 and has lived away for 6 years now. He’s a great person but I only see him twice a year and I always thought we’d live close by.

He did start Uni when younger but quickly dropped out. It wasn’t what I wanted for him but I’m happy he’s happy.

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Families
Fromthebirdsnest · 20/04/2022 19:40

I pay for private school yet if my children don't choose to go into high paying career's then I won't be disappointed, I think parents need to realise that their children are individuals not extensions of themselves ... not everyone can be barrister's and surgeons ...

Nothappyatwork · 20/04/2022 20:13

Fromthebirdsnest · 20/04/2022 19:40

I pay for private school yet if my children don't choose to go into high paying career's then I won't be disappointed, I think parents need to realise that their children are individuals not extensions of themselves ... not everyone can be barrister's and surgeons ...

With private education you’re paying for the journey not the outcome more people do need to realise this.

Alexandra2001 · 20/04/2022 20:31

Wintersonata · 20/04/2022 19:01

ssd · 16/04/2022 20:42
I can't imagine ever being disappointed in my kids. I adore them.

What if they voted Tory, or married someone who voted Tory?

Yes that would do it for me, straight down to the Solicitors to disinherit her, the shame.

Cameleongirl · 20/04/2022 20:40

Fromthebirdsnest · 20/04/2022 19:40

I pay for private school yet if my children don't choose to go into high paying career's then I won't be disappointed, I think parents need to realise that their children are individuals not extensions of themselves ... not everyone can be barrister's and surgeons ...

I completely agree, @Fromthebirdsnest One of my friends recently told me that she’s sad that her DD doesn’t have the option of going to university like her brother. It’s not that she’s disappointed, she’s just sad that due to educational needs, her DD has more limited choices than her sibling. But that’s how it is.

GeneLovesJezebel · 20/04/2022 21:49

I’m disappointed in how little I see my adult kids. I saw my parents most weeks when I was their age, they make no effort whatsoever.

fishingforflies · 20/04/2022 22:02

I'm not disappointed with my Dd yet, she's only little, but yes, I can imagine that if she turned out to be a horrible person and made life choices which recklessly damaged/hurt other people I would be disappointed.

I wouldn't if she got pregnant out of wedlock, got a tattoo, etc etc ... all things my parents were disappointed in me for.

No doubt my DD will be disappointed in my GC stance!

ClaudiusTheGod · 20/04/2022 22:10

@JDEE72 I was so sad to read your story. I know someone whose son became involved in drugs and did this to the family. It was utterly heartbreaking. A normal hardworking family but the lad fell into bad company and became hooked on the stuff and the lifestyle (by which I mean constant theft). His addiction ruined his personality. It’s not wrong to be disappointed that one’s child takes a path which is so massively damaging.

TypicallyTopically · 20/04/2022 22:47

I think my parents are disappointed I've only produced 1 grandchild!

MadameTuffington2 · 20/04/2022 22:53

I’ve had fleeting disappointment with outrageous risks they’ve taken, lazy periods and bizarre choices they’ve made but I can’t imagine being permanently disappointed unless they committed violent crime or some such thing. They are their own people and all I want is for them to have happy and full lives.

Billi77 · 21/04/2022 00:02

Disappointed in some of their relationships. Mostly the one with Jesus/God

Jenasaurus · 21/04/2022 00:20

Not disappointed with any of my 3 DC, all have turned out lovely, kind thoughtful and hard working adults. I do however think I must have been a disappointment to my own parents (although they never said it) My Late DF did once say after my DP both got a degree with the open uni when they retired, and my DSIS has 2 degrees, one at uni and one via OU, my dad said to me "How does it feel to be the only person in the family without a degree" I dont think he realised how that sounded, but I have been far behind my DSIS and my DP on an education level. My DSIS was an Air Traffic Controller and in her spare time took a law degree, My DF was a principle in charge of 200 civil servants and my DM was a teacher, whereas I have always had low paid admin jobs, like receptionist etc...I was also hard work as a teen, went off the rails, drank too much, stayed out over night etc... I would never judge my own DC but all have made me proud.

expat101 · 21/04/2022 04:22

Imissmoominmama · 16/04/2022 17:12

I’m never disappointed in them, but I sometimes worry about choices they make.

100% this

starrynight21 · 21/04/2022 04:41

I'm not disappointed in either of them, but I've often felt sad that my son had children with a woman who was a narcissistic , controlling bully. He and the children have suffered at her hands , and they have all been damaged by her. I just wish I could go back in time and say " Don't go on a date with that girl ! You'll regret it !". They are all OK now since they split from her, but the damage was immense.

thegreylady · 21/04/2022 08:09

I am incredibly proud of my dc and sdc. They are all adults with dc of their own, in good relationships and with solid jobs but most of all they are kind, decent people. I would have been disappointed had they been cruel, uncaring or criminal but they aren’t. They are a credit to themselves and the choices they have made, sometimes very tricky.

Jessasamantha · 21/04/2022 08:28

pompei8309 · 16/04/2022 18:35

Majority saying you’ll only be disappointed if they turn to a life of crime and violence?? you’re all full of it.
You’re telling me that if you have a bright child that instead of going to uni chooses to stack shelves in Asda you won’t be disappointed?? ( and this is the most basic example) please don’t give me” if they’re happy” sob story .
Every parent will feel disappointment throughout their life regarding their kids, it may be long or short term but impossible to avoid .
Perfect kids don’t not exist nor the perfect parents

Completely agree with this. Being disappointed in your child does not mean you love them any less and never being disappointed in your children is not some kind of parenting virtue.

I have felt very proud of all of our children at times and disappointed at other times. Proud of them when they achieve their potential, behave in a kind, principled way and are generally just theurcfabrastuc selves. Disappointed at other times eg when dd refused to study for GCSEs sitting in her room doing anything but study and promptly failed them all, disappointed at other dd’s woke intolerant attitude developed at Uni calling everyone who disagrees with her bigots, disappointed at dd’s drinking smoking and taking drugs to the detriment of her health, disappointed other dd gave up doing a sport she excelled at. It’s only human to feel disappointed at times, the main thing is keeping it to yourself so your children don’t feel like they’re letting you down.

Jessasamantha · 21/04/2022 08:29

Their fantastic selves!

JanisMoplin · 21/04/2022 08:42

Jessasamantha · 21/04/2022 08:28

Completely agree with this. Being disappointed in your child does not mean you love them any less and never being disappointed in your children is not some kind of parenting virtue.

I have felt very proud of all of our children at times and disappointed at other times. Proud of them when they achieve their potential, behave in a kind, principled way and are generally just theurcfabrastuc selves. Disappointed at other times eg when dd refused to study for GCSEs sitting in her room doing anything but study and promptly failed them all, disappointed at other dd’s woke intolerant attitude developed at Uni calling everyone who disagrees with her bigots, disappointed at dd’s drinking smoking and taking drugs to the detriment of her health, disappointed other dd gave up doing a sport she excelled at. It’s only human to feel disappointed at times, the main thing is keeping it to yourself so your children don’t feel like they’re letting you down.

Show quote history

If my child failed her GCSEs or took drugs or was still living off me at 36 because of laziness like the PP's stepson above ( presuming not SN) I would not hesitate to say I was disappointed, no matter how kind and decent they were. Beginning to think I am the outlier here though.

Threetulips · 21/04/2022 08:49

If my child failed her GCSEs or took drugs or was still living off me at 36 because of laziness like the PP's stepson above

I’d be more disappointed in myself and my choices! We all have limits. They made life choices, I would certainly not entertain it.

speakout · 21/04/2022 09:22

Not disappointed, but I grieve for the hopes I had for my son, the wasted talent, the impact he could be making on the world. I have to deal with that pain.

flipflopping · 21/04/2022 10:06

I pay for private school yet if my children don't choose to go into high paying career's then I won't be disappointed

Same. I've never thought of paying for school as being anything to do with hoping your children go into high paying careers.

I am pleased as punch with my lovely children. That doesn't mean I think that they're perfect or that they've met some sort of weird expectation I had for them, but rather that they're kind and interesting people with their own personalities and plans. I'd love them to find things to do in life that inspire them and to have happy relationships. However, I wouldn't be disappointed in them if they didn't- disappointed for them, maybe.

I think my parents are somewhat disappointed with me, for prioritising family over career and for being overweight. I am consciously striving not to replicate anything like this with my own children.

HoppingPavlova · 21/04/2022 10:20

Not myself, but a relative who has a child that graduated with a decent uni degree and then chose to drop out of life, live on benefits and smoke dope all day. Finances this by low level growing and selling. She tries the ‘oh well, he seems happy’ and makes out she is not disappointed, but I would be.

ldontWanna · 21/04/2022 15:50

@LightSnowLight

Nobody is allowed to be disappointed with how their children have turned out on MN!!! All adult children are lovely and loving and make their parents pround. No adult children have undiagnosed MH problems or criminal records or difficult lives or contentious personalities. IT'S THE MN RULES !!!
My mother is (and has been since I was a child) for:

-being fat
-not being ladylike /girly enough
-the way I dress

  • that I don't have a high paying job
-that I don't drive -that I don't have a big house

I could keep going. I'm in a good long term relationship,we have a home that we own as small and pokey as it is, DD is a lovely ,happy ,bright child, I have a job that I do very well, I do enjoy and where I do make a difference (even if it pays peanuts). By all intents and purposes I'm a functioning,decent, hard working human being. It's just not enough and it'll never be. Which I learned the hard way by the time I was 10. By the time I was 20 I just stopped trying.