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Original poster

Would you see this as a fake wedding, be annoyed?

293 replies

brideeventually · 05/04/2022 00:07

We've planned a fairly small last minute wedding unfortunately being so last minute the registrar is only available at 4pm and we want to get married much earlier in the day. We are happy to get a celebrant and do the legal bit the week after just us in the registry office for 50 odd quid, doesn't make it any less of a wedding day for us but I'm worried some of our guests who have had legal weddings will notice it isn't and perhaps be annoyed at the travel/expense for a 'fake' wedding?

OP posts:
Arghxbdhgd · 05/04/2022 00:10

No I wouldn’t at all! Smile

Kittekats · 05/04/2022 00:12

Got to be honest, it’s not a wedding is it? It’s a celebration but not a wedding per se.

Original poster
brideeventually · 05/04/2022 00:15

@Kittekats

Got to be honest, it’s not a wedding is it? It’s a celebration but not a wedding per se.
Isn't it? Humanist weddings are legal in Scotland, many many other parts of the world. I'm doing exactly what they did. I'm just in a place that's stuck a bit behind the times and doesn't accept it. Our vows, ring exchange, etc would all be done on the day. That's a wedding? Isn't it?

This is what I'm worried about is everyone having this opinion and stopping it from feeling like a special day.

OP posts:

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Weddings
HeddaGarbled · 05/04/2022 00:16

I think you should be honest, and invite people to ‘a celebration of our wedding’ not ‘our wedding’.

Original poster
brideeventually · 05/04/2022 00:17

I really don't see my partner and me signing some paperwork as our wedding as opposed to the day with our families, vows, ring exchange, first dance. It isn't a celebration of our wedding to us. It's our wedding.

OP posts:
Original poster
brideeventually · 05/04/2022 00:17

Just confirms exactly what I'm worried about though Sad

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 05/04/2022 00:18

Nah op it's fine. I didn't go to my friends weddings for the signing of the not of paper round the corner. I went for the vows and the declarations (hand fasting, rings, jumping over brooms). Some of them were legal (went round a corner and signed some papers) and some weren't. It made zero difference to how I felt about celebrating their day

Hugasauras · 05/04/2022 00:24

This isn't massively uncommon. People quite often do the legal bit the day before or something so they can have their ceremony where they like, as I believe England is much more restrictive on this front than Scotland is. I know several people who have done it and no one batted an eyelid.

I don't think anyone who loves and cares for you would be offended in any way!

Original poster
brideeventually · 05/04/2022 01:14

4pm is just so late to start we are all travelling down to the venue the day before and it seems a waste for our guests to pay for that if it's not really needed then. I just don't want to have people disregarding it as not a real wedding because of 3 hours difference Sad

OP posts:
TheUnexpectedPickle · 05/04/2022 01:28

Wouldn't bother me at all, I've been to loads of weddings where the "legal bit" has been done separately- either they've got married abroad or have done a legal ceremony first as the venue isn't licensed (Festival wedding in a field, beach wedding, Hindu wedding). For me its all about celebrating the couple, not the 10 minutes of legal requirements. But then, I love weddings in general.

Only thing I would say, and this is just me, I'd try to do the legal bit before the wedding. I always think things should be celebrated after the event- so if your birthday is a Tuesday for example, your meal out should be the following weekend, not the weekend before.

Thats just something I'm funny about though, its not a thing. Hope you have a lovely wedding!!!

LER83 · 05/04/2022 01:28

At least 5 people I know got officially married, for various reasons, in a registry office before the big ceremony (a couple of them was at least 2 weeks before) with all their friends and family, and nobody batted an eyelid! I got married in a registry office with 2 witnesses, then 2 days later had a church blessing, and the 'do' with meal, first dance, speeches etc. Nobody cared that we were already married, they just wanted to celebrate the happy occasion with us! If you think anyone will be annoyed that it's a 'fake' wedding then they aren't worth inviting in the first place!

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 05/04/2022 02:11

I have also been to weddings where the legal bit was done up to 2 weeks previously, but on all of those occasions I did know that I was attending either a Blessing or a Celebration Ceremony, followed by the usual (or unusual) reception type celebrations. I have always enjoyed and considered the celebration day as their Wedding Day, and the date of their Wedding Anniversary.

However, I think that I might have felt that they were trying to "trick" us (although I have no idea why they would want to, or think it necessary to trick us) if they haven't either made it clear on the invitation exactly what it is we are attending, or hadn't told us by some other means before we received the invitation.

I don't really understand OP why you don't seem to want to just tell your guests before your "Meaningful" Wedding Day, that you did the official bit on a previous day? If you tell them beforehand then you won't have to worry about them being miffed at "only" being invited to the - as you call it - fake Wedding Day, but then I don't think of the day that holds the most importance to you, as a fake day. Anyway, I hope that you and your partner have a lovely day regardless 💐

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 05/04/2022 02:17

Why not have the legal part at 4pm but do the meaningful part before so you make the most of the whole day?

I think people may find it a bit odd if you don't get legally married. Why not pack it all into one big celebration?

AlexaShutUp · 05/04/2022 02:38

I wouldn't care in the slightest but then, we did similar due to friends and families being scattered across several countries.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 05/04/2022 02:40

Better that than a 12 noon ceremony like someone I know did. I adore going to weddings, but my god that was a long day!!

gregdaviesiswonderful · 05/04/2022 02:48

We got married in a registry the day before and then had a celebrant do our 'wedding' in some beautiful gardens with lots of friends and family. The structure of the ceremony was the same. we wrote some of it ourselves and omitted any religious words.

If anyone noticed, they didn't say. And in fact a friend some weeks later said the ceremony was beautiful and full of love. When I told her we'd got married the day before she was genuinely surprised as she couldn't tell and didn't seem to think it mattered.

We still celebrate our 'wedding' day as our anniversary and not the legal date the day before as that's the one that mattered and meant something to us.

On the day of the wedding we had an issue with transport from the hotel to the gardens so I was 35 minutes late. My DH said a few people asked him after if he was worried if had cold feet and he chuckled to himself as he knew there was no getting out of it as we were already married!

Go for it OP

DreamTheMoors · 05/04/2022 02:51

@brideeventually

You’re getting up in front of your family and friends and committing yourselves to a lifetime together.

That’s a wedding.

Don’t let the naysayers get you down, and if you’re worried about the license, don’t broadcast the 4pm stuff. Not everybody needs to be up in your business.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/04/2022 03:06

Start earlier and have the marriage in the middle! Just don't get pissed!

For me, party after, fine. Party before, what are we celebrating, you're not actually married?

Obelisk · 05/04/2022 03:15

In many European countries this is completely standard- you do the legal but a few days before the celebration. It’s fine.

I think in an ideal world you’d get legally married before rather than after, but it doesn’t really matter.

Porridgeislife · 05/04/2022 03:30

For English/Welsh weddings there are very clear linguistic differences in a ceremony that is the legal bit vs one that is a celebration/blessing, particularly if clergy are doing the celebration vows.

I’ve been to quite a few weddings where the bride/groom has done the legal thing beforehand (sometimes by months) and you don’t have to be particularly switched on to realise it’s not the “official” ceremony. I wouldn’t try and fib that the 1pm ceremony is the legal one.

RedWingBoots · 05/04/2022 04:02

As a guest, whether family member or friend, I don't care.

Just don't lie and pretend if questioned by someone about the legal bit.

There are always good reasons why people do the legal at a different time. It is weird it isn't before hand though.

AlJalilia · 05/04/2022 04:04

I would take the 4pm slot. Much better for guests, anyway. You could go straight from the ceremony to the reception.

Sweepingeyelashes · 05/04/2022 04:33

I had a 4 pm church wedding followed by an evening dinner reception. It worked out fine. I didn't want to leave people with a gap of hours before dinner. We had some photographs taken and then went on to the reception.

JellybeansJelly · 05/04/2022 04:45

Isn't it? Humanist weddings are legal in Scotland, many many other parts of the world. I'm doing exactly what they did

Well no. As you say, humanist weddings are legal. Therefore, they are the actual wedding. They do not need to do the official bit separately. So it’s not quite the same.

Blossom64265 · 05/04/2022 05:18

That is how we did it. The ceremony with our family is what we consider our wedding and is the anniversary we celebrate. The day we filled out some forms we treated like going and getting a drivers license or paying a tax bill. It was just government paperwork. On the rare occasions I need to know my legal date of marriage, I always have to look it up because it is so meaningless for us I can never remember it.