Page 5 | Would you see this as a fake wedding, be annoyed?

brideeventually · 2022-04-04T23:07:58+00:00

We've planned a fairly small last minute wedding unfortunately being so last minute the registrar is only available at 4pm and we want to get married much earlier in the day. We are happy to get a celebrant and do the legal bit the week after just us in the registry office for 50 odd quid, doesn't make it any less of a wedding day for us but I'm worried some of our guests who have had legal weddings will notice it isn't and perhaps be annoyed at the travel/expense for a 'fake' wedding?

KateMiddletonsBodyDouble · 05/04/2022 07:58

@BuanoKubiamVej

As a guest I would only be annoyed if you were dishonest about what was happening. Invite me or don't, that's fine; but don't claim on the invites that you're inviting them to your wedding if you aren't being wed on that day.

If I were you I'd be finding a way to incorporate the legal bit into the 4pm slot of a bigger day, if you really want an all day thing. Personally I think a 4pm slot is perfect but each to their own.

So you could start at 1pm and have your ceremony worded exaxtly how you wish with a celebrant (if the registrar isn'tpresent you don't have to follow their rules about being totally religion-free). Start the reception at 2pm with drinks and nibbles and a few pictures and sit down to eat at 3pm. In the gap between main course and pudding the registrar turns up at the venue and you do the formal bit which in its quickest wording only takes about 5 minutes, and you both sign the register, then you carry on for speeches, dessert and coffee.

This is an excellent idea.

OP take the 4pm slot. No one likes too early a wedding anyway!

Lorw · 05/04/2022 07:58

We got married a week before our actual wedding. Just get married at 4, otherwise you’re gonna have the cost of the celebrant (cost me £600) and the registrar for the legal bit (£300).

EduCated · 05/04/2022 07:58

I’ve been to a couple, and tbh I was delighted not to have the awkward sitting around for 15 minutes whilst they disappear to sign the register.

I was apprehensive about the first and wondered if it would feel a bit pretend on the day, but it really didn’t (even though the ceremony was very DIY). The second had proper celebrants and I don’t think some people even twigged that they hadn’t signed the registers. Both are in my Top 3 weddings I’ve been to

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 05/04/2022 07:58

I’ve been to weddings in France where it’s entirely normal and I don’t think of those as ‘sham weddings’ or ‘bad acting’ or whatever phrases MN use.

Yes it is normal, but the marriage at the mairie is always before the celebration and any religious ceremony. Holding the civil marriage after the celebration would be considered quite strange in my family’s region at least.

Frazzled2207 · 05/04/2022 07:59

However I think 4 pm weddings are fine. Popular with guests as they have time to travel, check in and get dressed on the day itself

ImInStealthMode · 05/04/2022 08:01

Honestly I would just have the ceremony at 4pm. Could the venue or somewhere nearby do a big breakfast or brunch for everyone together before they start getting ready? You and DH could do some 'first look' photos to save time on photos afterwards?

Original poster

brideeventually · 05/04/2022 08:02

I get everyone saying that 4pm weddings are fine but we are there all weekend and we have an afternoon snack/treat food truck coming and lots of outdoor games for all of the kids we just don't have time to cram everything in after 4pm so it would need to either start before the ceremony or do the registry bit office the day before but treat the Saturday as our actual wedding

OP posts:

bunfighters · 05/04/2022 08:04

I think it is odd to get legally married after the celebration. Can't you get a registry wedding in the couple of weeks before? Why does it need to be at 4pm on the day? Get legally married first, at any time, then you are truly celebrating your wedding at the bigger event.

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/04/2022 08:07

@Kittekats

Got to be honest, it’s not a wedding is it? It’s a celebration but not a wedding per se.

It is a real wedding because of the register office bit. In the past some church denominations (like Quakers) and other religions were not able to perform legal weddings so the register office bit was done separately. It is still a wedding.

KateMiddletonsBodyDouble · 05/04/2022 08:08

OP couldn't you have....

Celebrant comes at 1pm (or whatever) you have ceremony
Early afternoon - games, drinks, food, whatever you have planned
4pm - you and 2 witnesses head off with registrar to do v quick legal bit
You come back big entrance for dinner

I get what you're saying about costs but won't you have to pay separately for a registrar and celebrant if you do it your way anyway?

(I wouldn’t care about legal bit on different day as a guest fwiw, but you seem worried and the above might actually be quite nice)

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 05/04/2022 08:09

The best wedding I ever went to was performed by a celebrant. The happy couple went off and got married legaly a few days later by themselves. Do what you want, the people who love you won't mind

FlySwimmer · 05/04/2022 08:09

@brideeventually

I get everyone saying that 4pm weddings are fine but we are there all weekend and we have an afternoon snack/treat food truck coming and lots of outdoor games for all of the kids we just don't have time to cram everything in after 4pm so it would need to either start before the ceremony or do the registry bit office the day before but treat the Saturday as our actual wedding

Personally, I’d do the legal bit on the Friday & then be able to relax and enjoy the celebration on the Saturday with what you have planned. You can still have the Saturday date as your anniversary even if the legal date of marriage is different. As PP have said I would flag it to your guests in some way. Just curious as to why you organised venue, food etc before the actual marriage aka legal part? I got married in a church so don’t know the logistics of registry offices & separate venues.

Heracles1000 · 05/04/2022 08:10

@brideeventually

I get everyone saying that 4pm weddings are fine but we are there all weekend and we have an afternoon snack/treat food truck coming and lots of outdoor games for all of the kids we just don't have time to cram everything in after 4pm so it would need to either start before the ceremony or do the registry bit office the day before but treat the Saturday as our actual wedding

Just do the other wedding stuff before the ceremony then? Have a wedding breakfast at lunch time etc.

ThanksItHasPockets · 05/04/2022 08:10

For me, the legal commitment is the most moving part of a wedding. I don’t mind if I don’t witness it but I consider it a privilege if I do.

It doesn’t matter if you get legally married on your wedding day but you should be legally married by the end of your wedding day. Other opinions are a available but that is mine

godmum56 · 05/04/2022 08:10

many religious weddings are "fake" weddings because there is no registrar present so the legal bit must be done separately.

Heracles1000 · 05/04/2022 08:11

Just curious as to why you organised venue, food etc before the actual marriage aka legal part?

Absolutely! Our venue told us to book the registrar immediately.

ImInStealthMode · 05/04/2022 08:13

@Heracles1000

Just curious as to why you organised venue, food etc before the actual marriage aka legal part?

Absolutely! Our venue told us to book the registrar immediately.

This too, seems the backwards way round. Our venue held the date for us while we confirmed a celebrant at a time that we wanted (where we are celebrants can perform legal ceremonies).

muddyford · 05/04/2022 08:16

Where a religious marriage ceremony needs a separate registration, the legal part should be before the religious part. Your are celebrating getting married so yes, the registration should be done before you party.

OrlandointheWilderness · 05/04/2022 08:19

@brideeventually

I really don't see my partner and me signing some paperwork as our wedding as opposed to the day with our families, vows, ring exchange, first dance. It isn't a celebration of our wedding to us. It's our wedding.

See, to me the legal bit IS the marriage! That is exactly what that is, especially if you aren't religious. It is legally tying yourself to your spouse. I would book 4pm. Still have entertainment etc through the day, a wedding breakfast is always nice and I'd definitely not mind a lie in and easy morning as a guest!

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 05/04/2022 08:19

We did very similar but the other way around - we got married at registry office with just two witnesses on the Weds. On the Sat we had our wedding - a close friend did the ceremony, wasn't legal (we'd already ticked that box) but was beautiful. Lots of people told us was the best wedding ceremony they'd been to because it was so personal etc. Nobody felt robbed because we didn't sign the paperwork that day.

Silversurfer101 · 05/04/2022 08:21

I would be honest with people. Whether something is a wedding is a matter of fact no matter how you say you choose to see it. I wouldn’t like to be lied to by my friends or family. However, having said that, I’d happily attend a friends celebration after their legal wedding xxx

notanothertakeaway · 05/04/2022 08:22

Marriage is legal commitment

Wedding is the party

In your case, I believe it's a legal requirement that whoever conducts your wedding party has to make it explicit to guests that this is not the marriage

It's fine to do them separately, but you need to be honest about that

RidingMyBike · 05/04/2022 08:22

Can you adjust your timings? We had a 3.30pm wedding (due to availability of DH's best friend) and it was brilliant. Church wedding so legal and celebration all in one. Then an afternoon tea reception in a pub near the church, followed by a very small reception in the evening.

Our friends loved it - many travelled on the day so didn't need to pay for overnight accommodation.

I'd previously been to a morning wedding, which meant hours of hanging around before getting anything to eat and a noon wedding which meant lunch didn't even happen that day!

Sarahcoggles · 05/04/2022 08:23

If I were you I’d do the legal bit before the ceremony, not after.
I went to a wedding where the groom had been married before, so the church wouldn’t perform the actual ceremony for them. They got legally married in a registry office the week before, then had a church service which essentially sounded like a wedding. All the talk was of the commitment they’d made etc. Rather than the commitment they were planning to make some time in the future. It felt more “real” that way round.

KatherineJaneway · 05/04/2022 08:25

I would be annoyed as you lied. It isn't your wedding, it is a party to celebrate the fact you got married.

Would you see this as a fake wedding, be annoyed?

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