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Original poster

Would you see this as a fake wedding, be annoyed?

293 replies

brideeventually · 05/04/2022 00:07

We've planned a fairly small last minute wedding unfortunately being so last minute the registrar is only available at 4pm and we want to get married much earlier in the day. We are happy to get a celebrant and do the legal bit the week after just us in the registry office for 50 odd quid, doesn't make it any less of a wedding day for us but I'm worried some of our guests who have had legal weddings will notice it isn't and perhaps be annoyed at the travel/expense for a 'fake' wedding?

OP posts:
AmperoBlue · 05/04/2022 06:44

4pm is a brilliant time to get married!

Gives everyone the chance to eat lie in, eat lunch and get ready. Much happier guests.
They’ll all be eating and drinking again at 7pm so no one has hours of hanging around whilst you faff with photos.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 05/04/2022 06:44

My BIL did something similar. They got legally married in the country they live in with only two witnesses. Then sometime later they had a full church wedding in the U.K. with guests flying in all from all over the world. Only a very few close relatives (siblings and one set of parents) knew that the couple were already married.

It was a wonderful day and a good time was had by all but I do wonder of people would have made the effort to travel thousands of miles if they had known it was a blessing and celebration rather than a 'proper wedding'.

CheddarTheDog · 05/04/2022 06:53

In all of my friends and family who have got married in the last ten years only two couples (me and exDH included) had a wedding that was also the legal ceremony. I don’t even expect it to be when I get invited to one now.

The only time I had a raised eyebrow was a couple who did a faux religious ceremony in their back garden. It was such a performance that it felt disingenuous. But that’s more to do with the extremes they went to than the fact they’d already been married for a month.

All the others were still beautiful ceremonies.

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Weddings
girlmom21 · 05/04/2022 06:54

We went to a friends wedding a few years ago and didn't even realise they hadn't actually legally got married at the time until a few weeks later when they told us they'd got legally married a week before.

Neither of us had attended many weddings so it just didn't click there was no signing of any document and the ceremony was outdoors...

User0610134049 · 05/04/2022 06:54

I think it’s ok but I’d expect it to be the other way round, feels wrong to celebrate the wedding before the actual wedding

Cherryblossoms85 · 05/04/2022 06:58

It's your day. Do it how you like. When you look back, that'll matter. I've been to loads of weddings with no registrar, I didn't care

AvengingGerbil · 05/04/2022 07:00

4pm is the perfect time for a wedding. Nobody, other than the bride/groom wants to spend more than eight hours at one, so 4pm to midnight is quite long enough.

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 05/04/2022 07:01

If you consider it your wedding, where you stand up and make vows to each other in a way that's meaningful to you in front of loved ones, then so do I.

I once officiated at a friend's ceremony (when civil partnership was new and legally doing one was very dry and bare-bones) and being asked to do it was a great honour. They absolutely considered the ceremony in front of friends their "real" wedding and not the papers they'd signed that morning and so did I, despite the fact that I obviously had no legal authority whatsoever.

SW1amp · 05/04/2022 07:02

Wouldn’t bother me at all

I’ve been to loads of weddings where the bit we saw wasn’t the legally binding bit, but was the significant part for the couple. They aren’t displaying the pictures of their quick 20 mins at a register office…

In France, no church wedding is legally binding, so the couple has to go and do the legal bit in the town hall on a separate day, but the wedding anniversary is celebrated on the day of the main event

TicTac80 · 05/04/2022 07:03

Due to covid and all the restrictions, my niece had a very small registry office wedding, and then the wedding she wanted (with all the people she wanted there!) exactly a year later. It was beautiful. They chose to do the second one as a kind of renewal of vows. We all loved sharing and celebrating that time with her and her husband. I thought it was a brilliant way to get around all the covid issues too :)

Why not let your guests know the situation? I wouldn’t try and pretend that the ceremony is the legal but when it isn’t though. I think I’m the end, they’ll all be happy to celebrate with you :)

PS 4pm ceremony is cool :) plenty of time for everyone to get ready and have a decent lunch beforehand!!!

Chocoqueen · 05/04/2022 07:03

It's all fine OP, my sister legally married a couple of days before her wedding - I'm not sure how many people knew that on the day but it didn't cause any problems. Although a family friend (who used to be a registrar) took me aside afterwards rather concerned that what he'd just seen wasn't legally binding, and wasn't sure if they knew 🤣, he was fine when I explained though.

RampantIvy · 05/04/2022 07:03

I don't understand why you think 4pm is too late. We had a 3pm wedding to allow time for people to travel to the wedding.

It wasn't a destination wedding, I just got married in my home town, but DH and his family were from 300 miles away and I had relatives in Devon and Cornwall travelling up to the wedding.

I often see threads on MN from people complaining that weddings are too long so what's not to like about a 4pm wedding?

KateTheEighth · 05/04/2022 07:05

It wouldn't bother me but I would be upfront about it otherwise you'll get comments/speculation from some people about whether it's "real"

MsChatterbox · 05/04/2022 07:06

I had to do this for other reasons... Did the signing 2 days before. I didn't mention it to anyone. Only my nana questioned there being no signing!

Hell0G00dbye · 05/04/2022 07:07

I’d do the legal part first (even just locally and whenever before). Then after your wedding with family it’s all done and dusted and official.

110APiccadilly · 05/04/2022 07:08

I went to a wedding where the legal bit had been done the week before. Didn't bother me in the slightest. I did know that before going as it was a family member's wedding, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have minded even if I hadn't. If there's anyone you think might be funny about it, make sure they're aware beforehand maybe?

CJsGoldfish · 05/04/2022 07:08

I'd find it weird to be celebrating a marriage that hadn't actually taken place tbh, even though it seems to be the 'party' that is most important these days.
I wouldn't feel annoyed. Bemused maybe, but not annoyed.

Original poster
brideeventually · 05/04/2022 07:09

The issue with the 4pm wedding is that we all live so spread out across the UK that we've booked an exclusive place for the whole weekend and we are all getting there on the Friday. It's an opportunity to all get together as well as just my wedding, but it is my wedding so what do we do all day Saturday if we get married at 4pm? Most people are there Friday and Saturday night so I'm worried we're wasting their time then.

I don't want to lie to my guests but I don't want to not call it a wedding. Not from a place of dishonesty but it is my wedding to us. Will look in to the options suggested thank you. Apparently humanist weddings are going to be possibly be legal from July - typical.

OP posts:
Wnkingawalrus · 05/04/2022 07:09

If you can I would do the legal but first.

Original poster
brideeventually · 05/04/2022 07:15

If we do the legal bit the day before on our way up to the venue can I then still call it my wedding without it being a 'lie?' I just don't want to call it a celebration it's my wedding Sad

OP posts:
mumdebump · 05/04/2022 07:17

4pm is a much better time for a wedding. Allows people to travel on the day and not have to fork out for a hotel the night before just to have somewhere to get changed. You can go straight from the wedding to drinks and reception in the evening & no awful hanging around all day waiting for the evening do.

Scarby9 · 05/04/2022 07:18

Neighbours got married oin a registerery office with minimal notice and only two witnesses between Christmas and new year. She wore a red dress she already had. They then had brunch out with his parents.

They had the party / celebration in the following August. 90 people at a local hotel. Paid for the venue and food at non-wedding rates (as it wasn't a wedding).

She wore a gorgeous white wedding dress with veil and train, with her sisters in long bridesmaid dresses. They had a 40 minute ceremony with music and prayers out in the hotel's wedding pagoda thing, with all the traditional elements from their two cultures. Then speeches etc followed by games and dancing.

Definitely felt very weddingy! Noone there felt remotely short changed that they had already been married for 8 months. Except presumably the hotel... It was probably the most full-on wedding they had that year, just not at wedding rates. And the staff just went with the flow.

Do it. Just be open with people. Say something like 'Join us to celebrate our marriage'.

stuntbubbles · 05/04/2022 07:23

The legal, signing papers bit is the boring bit for guests where people can just natter, rummage in their bag for lipstick, mingle, etc. The wedding is the dress, dance, dinner, speeches, party, imo.

mumdebump · 05/04/2022 07:24

Sorry OP, just seen your update. Guests can spend the time before 4pm going for a walk if its somewhere nice, or chill out with other friends & family. If they’re there all weekend, it makes no difference what time you get married.

Iwonder08 · 05/04/2022 07:25

OP, do the paperwork the day before and everything else you planned on Saturday. It is absolutely your wedding, I think it is absolutely fine if you do the legal but before. We did, I know a lot of people who did the paperwork before the wedding, but don't know anyone who did it after. If anyone asks tell them you just got the formality out of the way to make more space for wedding celebration on the day. Registry paperwork is really not the exciting part.

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