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Original poster

Should I have fed this child?

498 replies

yogahippo · 01/04/2022 19:58

DD is in year 6. We moved recently and she's having to try and make friends in a new school. She has a phone and last night was texting a girl and they arranged a play date after school at our house. I messaged mum to check it was ok.

They arrived home, had snacks, played happily. Mum picked up at 6.25. She asked what they'd had for dinner and seemed most put ours when I said they hadn't had dinner. Thing is we usually only eat around 7.25-7.30 so I didn't think to cook dinner. It wasn't mentioned in the messages.

Im not originally from the UK. Have I made a mistake? DD says lots of her friends have younger siblings so eat quite early compared to us...

OP posts:
WinterSpringSummerorFall · 01/04/2022 20:00

No, you weren't obliged to feed her, but when chatting with the mum before, you could have mentioned you weren't going to feed her as you eat later.

DSGR · 01/04/2022 20:00

If it’s an official play date I usually feed them and ask what they’d like. But by year 6 if they’re just dropping by for a play then I think snacks is fine. Next time if they’re going to be with you til 6/7 I might ask if they want feeding.
But I think the mum was being rude

Goawayquickly · 01/04/2022 20:01

A playdate always meant dinner here.

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EarringsandLipstick · 01/04/2022 20:02

I don't think you had to. I would have & I reckon most people would.

However, one of my DS has a very good friend & it's really usual for her not to give dinner, even when he's there a long while.

I think she was rude to indicate she was put out. Even if I was a bit taken aback at lack of dinner, I wouldn't let on & would be v appreciative of the play date.

Hugasauras · 01/04/2022 20:02

I wouldn't assume dinner and wouldn't mind either way when I picked my child up.

SheWoreYellow · 01/04/2022 20:02

I think by that age it’s kind of borderline. We eat at 6.30 and that’s average according to my 11 year old.

ThePlantsitter · 01/04/2022 20:02

Yes it would be usual to give food. I would text the mum and explain just to keep things smooth but it's a perfectly reasonable cultural thing not to have known about! You'll know to do it or mention not doing it next time.

wishing3 · 01/04/2022 20:03

I wouldn’t assume dinner either. I guess double check another time r but she sounds rude.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 01/04/2022 20:03

No, I don’t think you were unreasonable. It’s a bit of a weird time in that some families eat earlier than others. I would usually feed someone on a play date but I wouldn’t expect it.

dumdumduuuummmmm · 01/04/2022 20:04

6:30 seems very early to eat dinner imo

CheshireCats · 01/04/2022 20:08

I would always feed a child coming over after school to play. My own kids always ate around 5pm at Primary age and I would have catered for their friend then as well.
I think 7.30pm is extremely late to feed a child of this age. They have school lunch around 12/12.30 usually, so possibly 7 hours to wait.
Honestly, if mine went to play somewhere at this age, it wouldn't even have occurred to me to ask if they were going to be given dinner, because I have never known it not be.

mindutopia · 01/04/2022 20:09

No it seems quite presumptuous. Mine is Y4 but even younger, I’d ask her in the car on the way home if she’d had any dinner, not the parent. We personally don’t eat dinner til around 7 (including her toddler brother), so I never assume a meal with a playdate. At that age it’s not really a ‘playdate’ though. I’d offer snacks (crisps, veg and hummus, fruit, maybe a bit of pizza), that’s it.

5zeds · 01/04/2022 20:11

I wouldn’t mind either way but we eat late too

madmomma · 01/04/2022 20:12

Mine eat dinner at 5 or earlier, I'd have been very unimpressed with my primary aged child not having been fed properly on a playdate

MissMaple82 · 01/04/2022 20:13

Your 6 year old has a phone??!!! Thats really bad. And yes you should have either fed the child or communicated better with the mother.

NuttyinNotts · 01/04/2022 20:14

I'd have been surprised if my child hadn't been fed and would have done an earlier pick up if I'd known it was going to be the case.

middleofthelittle · 01/04/2022 20:14

Yes I would have fed the child. Even if you eat dinner late i don't think it's fair to send the child home at 6.30 hungry when the other family may have ate.

If your child goes to there house in return, they would be fed?

Camoye · 01/04/2022 20:15

People will try to show off on here and pretend they feed their 2 year old at 11pm because they just couldn’t possibly eat earlier.

In reality if you have a child over at any time between 5 and 7pm you offer dinner as a matter of course. If you aren’t going to you must specifically state it although you’d sound a bit mean and odd. Anyone who tells you different is lying or bonkers.

SW1amp · 01/04/2022 20:15

@MissMaple82

Your 6 year old has a phone??!!! Thats really bad. And yes you should have either fed the child or communicated better with the mother.
The child is in Year 6, not 6 years old …
Crocky · 01/04/2022 20:15

@MissMaple82

Your 6 year old has a phone??!!! Thats really bad. And yes you should have either fed the child or communicated better with the mother.
Year 6 🙂
SallyWD · 01/04/2022 20:15

I would have discussed dinner when I first messaged the other mum. Either "We eat late so I won't be providing dinner" or "Would you like me to give them dinner?". I'd just want to make sure age understood whether her child would or wouldn't be having dinner

NerrSnerr · 01/04/2022 20:16

I would have offered to feed the child. People have their tea at different times and they may have been expecting it. I'd have just asked.

Hugasauras · 01/04/2022 20:17

Playdates are obv a minefield! Am I the only one who genuinely wouldn't give a shit either way? If she'd been fed, great. It not, she can have something at home. What's the big deal? Dreading DD getting to the age where friends come round solo as apparently I have zero clue Grin

carefullycourageous · 01/04/2022 20:17

You haven't done anything wrong, but I would say a lot of Uk parents feed their primary aged kids before 6pm, and so it would be expected that they would have tea on a playdate that went on until after 6pm.

Just drop the mum a text, say sorry if there was a mix up over tea, we usually eat much later, but it was lovely to have her and I hope she would like to come again, we can happily do some tea for the kids earlier.

If the mum is still arsey about it - it is her issue, not yours. She was rude to make you aware of it IMO.

Ivegotalovelybunch · 01/04/2022 20:17

Yes I would feed a child if they stayed past 5pm at my house

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