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Original poster

Should I have fed this child?

498 replies

yogahippo · 01/04/2022 19:58

DD is in year 6. We moved recently and she's having to try and make friends in a new school. She has a phone and last night was texting a girl and they arranged a play date after school at our house. I messaged mum to check it was ok.

They arrived home, had snacks, played happily. Mum picked up at 6.25. She asked what they'd had for dinner and seemed most put ours when I said they hadn't had dinner. Thing is we usually only eat around 7.25-7.30 so I didn't think to cook dinner. It wasn't mentioned in the messages.

Im not originally from the UK. Have I made a mistake? DD says lots of her friends have younger siblings so eat quite early compared to us...

OP posts:

Kddie · 03/04/2022 15:35

@MissMaple82

Your 6 year old has a phone??!!! Thats really bad. And yes you should have either fed the child or communicated better with the mother.

Regardless of the childs age, thats none of your business and beside the point. Not everyone eats at same time OP and I couldn't get worked up about it, I would just give my child food when we get home.

deadlanguage · 03/04/2022 15:59

@User48751490

I feed all my DC around 4pm so my eldest would be chewing off his arm going to a friend's and not eating anything! He is 15yo soon.

Won’t he have to get used to eating later pretty soon? My sixth form didn’t finish until 4.30.

AlwaysLatte · 03/04/2022 16:02

I suppose you could have been clear about whether it was for dinner or not, but then if I'd been the other mum and dinner wasn't offered I would have collected sooner or asked. Generally we eat around 6.00/6.30 so always feed kids if they're around at that time. But you didn't do anything wrong! This whole parenting park can be such a minefield.

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AlwaysLatte · 03/04/2022 16:06

I feed all my DC around 4pm so my eldest would be chewing off his arm going to a friend's and not eating anything! He is 15yo soon.
Do you not eat together then?
My 11 year old doesn't even get home till 4.30. Later if he has an after school event.

5095juhig · 03/04/2022 17:12

Yeah sorry was thinking year 4, but we would all eat evening meal between 4:30 -5:30 bed would be 9pm year 6.
Do you always refer to son/daughter as kid?

Hugasauras · 03/04/2022 17:24

Yeah, there's a difference between 'We eat at 5pm but everyone has a different schedule' and 'Children have to fed by 5pm or they'll be starving!'

5pm a lot of parents are still at work! Dinner at 4pm would be totally impractical and unfeasible for us and we all eat together as I don't want to make several dinners. And also I like family mealtimes. So we eat at 6 at the earliest but some days it will be later if we have stuff on. No one is starving or on the verge of death (although DD would be starving if she ate at 4pm and then not again till morning!)

Just accept that everyone has different dinner routines and schedules and if someone is gracious enough to invite your child round, then you should be gracious enough to accept that your child might have to eat their dinner later than usual. Flexibility is a good skill to instil anyway. No one can stick rigidly to the same routines and timings day in, day out surely? Life gets in the way!

Hugasauras · 03/04/2022 17:27

And children are absolutely capable of adapting and understanding different routines in different places. My gran always served dinner much earlier than I was used to at home, but that was just the way things were at Gran's house. At one friend's house the kids ate separately to the adults, but as my best friend's house we all ate together as a family. Everyone has a different home life, and children are pretty good at adapting to other people's routines when they need to!

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 03/04/2022 19:04

@5095juhig

Yeah sorry was thinking year 4, but we would all eat evening meal between 4:30 -5:30 bed would be 9pm year 6. Do you always refer to son/daughter as kid?

What's wrong with kid? Mine are never referred to as anything else?!

LovelyIssues · 03/04/2022 19:08

I would have assumed you'd fed her but wouldn't be put out if you hadn't. Especially as she'd left early

321user123 · 03/04/2022 23:14

@velvet24

But there is an unwritten rule, I would always give the child a meal if staying at our house past 5pm, amazed people wouldn't make a simple tea?

OP fed them quite a bit by the sounds of it once they were back from school. They didn’t have an actual dinner as OPs family eat late. It’s not like she didn’t give her any food?!

TheOriginalMother · 04/04/2022 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Mamadramatic · 04/04/2022 14:16

Her child is in yr6, read it properly before putting such a rude comment

Spottingtwerps · 04/04/2022 14:18

It cuts both ways. The other mums could have asked if you were going to offer a meal or asked if you would? For her to assume you would, esp if you've not had this girl at your house before, is very presuming on her part.

Etak123 · 05/04/2022 14:53

@WoolyMammoth55

OP, ignore some pf the other posters here - you've done NOTHING wrong.

We have allergies in our family and I would NEVER feed a child without speaking to their parent first to find out what dietary restrictions they have. Therefore no chat = no dinner.

It's weird and odd though that the other mum didn't give you any info about food before entrusting her child to you. Then the expectation would have been discussed and you could have decided as the adults whether the other child needed to be picked up earlier to eat.

Either way, YANBU.

🙏

NickyT64 · 06/04/2022 01:56

She’s in Year 6 so off to high school soon! Not 6 years old!!

easylemonsqueezy · 06/04/2022 08:07

@MissMaple82

Your 6 year old has a phone??!!! Thats really bad. And yes you should have either fed the child or communicated better with the mother.

YR 6 Not aged 6

User48751490 · 06/04/2022 16:17

@AlwaysLatte

I feed all my DC around 4pm so my eldest would be chewing off his arm going to a friend's and not eating anything! He is 15yo soon. Do you not eat together then? My 11 year old doesn't even get home till 4.30. Later if he has an after school event.

DH finishes work at 3pm, my eldest finishes school at 3.35pm. he walks to school and back. 2 miles each way. Not surprised he is hungry when he gets home!

User48751490 · 06/04/2022 16:19

Yep we all eat around the table together almost every day apart from exceptions like music/sport activities.

purplebunny2012 · 07/04/2022 19:00

My DS9 eats any time between 6 and 7, so if I was picking up at 6.25 I would assume I'd be taking him home for dinner. YANBU

Q2C4 · 25/04/2022 07:51

velvet24 · 03/04/2022 10:22

But there is an unwritten rule, I would always give the child a meal if staying at our house past 5pm, amazed people wouldn't make a simple tea?

5pm?! That's practically lunchtime where i come from 🤣 My family, inc 2yr old DC, eat at 7:15ish. I wouldn't expect DC to have eaten dinner before 6pm- I'd worry DC would be starving by morning if they ate so early.

TheBolterdahling · 25/04/2022 08:06

My biggest tip would be to communicate with the parent not through the children. I might have been taken aback if you’d said no dinner at pick up as I’d worry my child was hungry. The mum also has you her ones and probably wanted to get straight on with bedtimes for this rather than cook . You need to explain they had a good snack and communicate plans beforehand. Same with your daughter popping round to friends. Year 6s don’t tend to yet organise their social life so you still need to make sure it’s ok with a parent. This continues a bit into year 7 too IME although there seems a gradual scale, ok not to text a parent if they’re all out and ended up at one child’s house, texting probably is needed if it’s late, child has been there a long time or organising sleepovers. You can’t go wrong if you double check with a parent, most English parents would prefer you check / over communicate than under communicate!

Lizziekisss · 25/04/2022 15:58

Op sounds like you are doing a fab job of raising an initiative taking Independent dd. She’ll cope far better at secondary school than kids who get helicopter parented. Ignore those who think the only schedule is theirs and everyone else must be wrong. The mother was rude to presume. I wouldn’t have cared at all.

Mothership4two · 25/04/2022 16:46

There have been widely differing views on here just about what time dinner is. So the mum should have checked with you if she expected them to have had a meal, if she was that bothered. It wasn't on you OP.

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