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Original poster

Should I have fed this child?

498 replies

yogahippo · 01/04/2022 19:58

DD is in year 6. We moved recently and she's having to try and make friends in a new school. She has a phone and last night was texting a girl and they arranged a play date after school at our house. I messaged mum to check it was ok.

They arrived home, had snacks, played happily. Mum picked up at 6.25. She asked what they'd had for dinner and seemed most put ours when I said they hadn't had dinner. Thing is we usually only eat around 7.25-7.30 so I didn't think to cook dinner. It wasn't mentioned in the messages.

Im not originally from the UK. Have I made a mistake? DD says lots of her friends have younger siblings so eat quite early compared to us...

OP posts:
MakingShiteMemories · 01/04/2022 21:15

@Hugasauras

I wouldn't assume dinner and wouldn't mind either way when I picked my child up.
Same here.
Original poster
yogahippo · 01/04/2022 21:16

@Seraphinesupport

i would expect my child to be fed by 6.30 if at a play date, 7.30 is a wierd time for dinner for kids such young ages. my kids go bed 7 - 7.30pm
At 11 years old? I'm sending 8.30-9.00 is a bit later than done of her other friends but we're 5 mins walk from the school so she only needs to wake at 7.45...
OP posts:
Svara · 01/04/2022 21:17

Primary school, there for three hours and you were home with them and I'd assume they'd have dinner. Secondary school, you home at five thirty, pick up an hour later and I'd assume no dinner. DS is 15 and friends dropping in after school usually leave at about 6 to go home for their dinner.

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Coughee · 01/04/2022 21:17

@Isgooglebroken

The mum probably eats early, was making polite chit chat and now mortified as she has presumed you would feed her child.

I imagine the mum is now pretty miffed she has to go home and cook something for her DD when the rest of the family have eaten tbh.

Anyone who is miffed at having to feed their own kid is a cheeky fucker.

It's really fine op. They didn't starve. It wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. I think this is one of those 'those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind'. I couldn't be doing with some fussy uptight parent with such a rigid meal time for their YEAR 6 kid that they would be miffed or offended by having to feed them slightly later.

Lovemusic33 · 01/04/2022 21:18

We eat between 5 and 6pm so I would have fed them.

Cherrysherbet · 01/04/2022 21:18

I would have expected my child would have had dinner by that time. I wouldn’t have been bothered by it though. You haven’t done anything wrong.

dummyd · 01/04/2022 21:21

Anyone who is miffed at having to feed their own kid is a cheeky fucker.

This phrase is so overused on here! I'd expect (not in an entitled way, but I'd have thought) they'd have dinner there. It would be annoying to have to rustle up another meal- that's not an attack on op from anyone.

I guess it's not so bad if they had snacks but If a primary school age friend comes round, I would feed that child, so kinda would've thought it's the norm.

Booboobagins · 01/04/2022 21:21

You def didn't need to feed her at a time you wouldn't normally eat, but I recall when i was a child we used to eat pretty much when we got in from school and then had toast for supper before bed. Our kids normally ate with us at about 6.30pm but had snacks when they got home from school. This is was cos they had working parents. My mum was a SAHM and my dad didn't get home from work until midnight.

Your DDs friends mum should have spoken to you about eating.

thebabynanny · 01/04/2022 21:22

@Seraphinesupport

i would expect my child to be fed by 6.30 if at a play date, 7.30 is a wierd time for dinner for kids such young ages. my kids go bed 7 - 7.30pm
My 4 year old is in bed by 7.30pm

11 year old goes to bed at 9.30!

Original poster
yogahippo · 01/04/2022 21:23

@thebabynanny
Thank god.
I was worried I was screwing bedtime up as well. DD still reading at 9!

OP posts:
ambereeree · 01/04/2022 21:23

You gave snacks I think that's enough.

Goldenbear · 01/04/2022 21:25

It is not about being cheap as I do feed my year 6 DD's friends like the dutiful Mum servant that I am but I don't know why things can't be casual so they hang out but you don't have to think about extra children to feed! I am not the kind of Mum who has anything in as my kids don't really like beige food and I am disorganised and buy food nearly every night after work so it is a bit annoying. I think maybe I'm just over the whole primary years obligations as I have one step in that world and another in the collecting teenager world to accomodate his social life! It is confusing to be in the two worlds as they don't work in unison!

AngelinaFibres · 01/04/2022 21:26

@dumdumduuuummmmm

6:30 seems very early to eat dinner imo
6pm was teatime when my children were at school. I was starving by then and so were they. Allows time for eating ,homework, relaxing a bit and then winding down for bed for them. Now they are adults and gone we eat at 7.30. I would definitely have expected my child to have had tea or to have picked them up at 5.30 to get home for tea.
RampantIvy · 01/04/2022 21:27

I think high school will be different.

No. If anything a meal at tea time is more usual, unless your DC's friends live close by. By secondary school the children travel in from all over, so it isn't just a case of running home for tea. DD's friends at secondary school lived nowhere near, so when invited to someone's house after school tea was included.

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 01/04/2022 21:28

I did this. We eat around 8/8.30. When my son was in primary 2 and started having friends come over more often, it became an awkward thing because parents clearly expected you to feed their kid. I had to start having early dinners if their friends were over.

RampantIvy · 01/04/2022 21:29

We tend to eat at about 6.30 - 7. 8 - 8.30 is very late for an 11 year old (and for me)

Dixiechickonhols · 01/04/2022 21:29

Yes I’d have expected to provide tea for a child not being picked up until 6.30. No harm done next time just check and check allergies, if any dietary needs etc. Cheese pizza was my go to with cucumber, carrots etc.

ThePlantsitter · 01/04/2022 21:32

Just realised I misread y6 for age 6 as well! In that case if I were the mum I would've assumed not or asked whether you were planning to eat just to find out, not because I thought you should feed her (and I would make that clear). So basically the exact opposite of what I said before. However I wouldn't be put out either way tbh as different families do different things!

Rosebel · 01/04/2022 21:32

I would have fed her. We normally eat later around 7:30 but at that age I'd have fed the kids earlier.
Now they are teenagers they usually go out ro eat with friends.
Next time I'd just say would you like me to feed her tea.

Goldenbear · 01/04/2022 21:32

IME I have a 15 year old and nobody has asked to be fed or expected it but we live in a city and everyone heads home for dinner or they go out and have junk. They aren't really here after school as they prefer to go to the park and play football/basketball hang out especially when it was warm last week.

Gilly12345 · 01/04/2022 21:33

The Mother was rude in presuming you would feed her child.

Another time perhaps make it clear what is happening.

I wouldn’t of minded either way but communication is vital.

KosherDill · 01/04/2022 21:34

They had snacks; you did nothing wrong. If the kid were starving she could've texted her mum to fetch her.

Readyforspring · 01/04/2022 21:35

I always fed the dcs. And ds always ate at friends collection 6pm ish

Maybe just speak to the mum and explain its different to your home country but next time youd know

Beautiful3 · 01/04/2022 21:36

Yes I would have fed her dinner.

Original poster
yogahippo · 01/04/2022 21:36

Thanks to everyone who responded.

As far as I can tell there's about 40% who eat early and would have expected food. 40% eat a similar time to us and wouldn't. 20% wouldn't care either way and I think you're my people (obviously there are people in both 40% groups who also wouldn't care and are also my people 😃)

My problem was not being clear so I will be clearer next time and ask DD to find out what the child's expectations are. I can manage that.

This is my 4th country in 20 years. You think I'd be used to getting it wrong culturally. "Yogahippo getting it slightly wrong for 20 years" could be my motto. My kids are resilient.

Still, this isn't as bad as the time I shared some books my Dutch gynaecologist friend sent as a gift to 9 year old DS with some of his US friends in North Carolina....

OP posts:
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