Help, house decision. DH and I can't agree

[Moveorstay2022]

Me, DH both late 30s, and 2 DC under 6.

Current situation:
4 bed detached from the 70s, big garden, desirable area close to kids' school. 3 living spaces. Kitchen needs doing. Extension potential on side and back. c£150k mortgage left (paying £1k p/m), estimated value of house £500k.

So we've had a tricky few years in our marriage -lots better now but I've fallen out of love with the house as it's a constant reminder of a very difficult time.

I have seen a house. Semi detached, new build. Less living space and small garden (but next to big fields). Ample space upstairs for bedrooms/office/playrooms as they have built into the loft. 5 mins from where we currently are, not as desirable of an area but definitely not bad. Out of school catchment but school has a sibling policy and they have advised that youngest DC should be fine to get in.

One of the biggest pull factors for me is that if we move to this house, we can be mortgage free and save an extra £1k a month. We are not financially uncomfortable now but not having a mortgage would strengthen that.

DH likes the new house but isn't motivated by not having a mortgage as it's "normal" to have one at our age. Instead he thinks that we will regret selling our current property because of where it is and the size of the plot, that it will appreciate more in value than the other property that will offset the no-mortgage saving.
He doesn't think that 1 living space is enough - I prefer that as at the moment, it's too easy for us to watch our own TV in different rooms. I like the idea of us being forced to "live" in one room. I think that in the future if kids need a TV for their playstation or what not, we could convert one of the bedrooms upstairs.
If we stay here we will need to do the kitchen which will use up some of our savings, plus we continue with the mortgage.

We can't agree on what to do. Any advice appreciated

Think of all the moving costs too.

What's the amenities like where you are and where you'd move to? Can you currently walk to school for example.

Two living spaces downstairs will be a godsend with teens.

Moving costs time and money. I'm probably more on your DHs side tbh.

You find another option!

That said I’m with your DH here, kids grow, teens want more space to have friends over, if your DH wants to watch something else he’ll go to the bedroom and you’ll be downstairs in your own. If he has friends over you’ll be in the bedroom.

I’d say more space with house prices rising is the better option.

Don’t sell
New build semi sounds like hell on earth

If those were the two options, I'd stay where I was and potentially keep looking if moving feels right for you. The new build in a less desirable out of catchment location with only one living space sounds like a load of compromises for very little gain. And you risk living in a house which actually doesn't fit your needs, your child not getting into the school their sibling attends and a house which isn't going to appreciate in value. Your children will grow quickly and more than one living space is a good thing.

I wouldn’t move,.

Missed the new house was a semi and you're currently detached. Definitely do not move!

I don’t think the new house sounds suitable. I’m with DH. Stay where you are until a more suitable alternative comes up, if it does.

I would definitely stay. But then I’ve never understood the mumsnet obsession of being mortgage free. I’m in my 40s and have only known one person in real life like that. Everyone else just accepts it’s part of life, and we’re bloody lucky to be paying off a mortgage rather than renting!

Is there not a third option? Look around for somewhere with a reduced mortgage, which is not quite so small as the semi?

I do think you would feel very cramped suddenly going from three living spaces to one.

Thank you.
Not as many amenities near the new house apart from a big Aldi about a 10 minute walk away. Where we live now has a little high street with all amenities.

I do recognise the advantages of staying, I just really like the idea of being mortgage free. But I guess there's no reason not to pay off the mortgage sooner than the 18 years left using savings

We would have to drive to the school. Big issue with parking around the school so walking is much better

How does the new house compare in terms of distance to school for getting there each day? You’ll also be less likely to have school friends nearby. Think about them walking to school with friends.

Also is there any difference in nearness to amenities and high school?

I think downsizing at your stage is a mistake.

Now mine are top of primary/lower senior we are appreciating two living areas.

Downsizing is a good idea when the children have left home but I personally wouldn’t move from a detached house to a semi, ever.

If you ever had marriage problems then moving to a home where you are forced to all be in one room is asking for trouble.

I agree with your husband about keeping the home with the larger plot and more rooms.

No don't go from detached to semi, bigger to smaller, less downstairs living space. Not with growing kids, as teenagers they spread, massively and fill the space.

Does DH know you want to move solely because of the bad memories?
Would a change of decor help?

I wouldn't move for less space and to a semi

I’d stay. Kids will appreciate their own lounge when they’re teens.

And don't underestimate the effect of leaving behind a house you know for one you don't. Even when you buy a much better house, you leave behind familiarity and the place where there are happy memories and the children's firsts. I know you're focusing on the unhappy stuff ATM but ime, you take that stuff with you. It isn't actually built into the bricks and mortar in the way that you think. It can be therapeutic to move and a positive thing but think very carefully about whether you need to process whatever has happened in a different way because it's rarely as simple as moving.

OP the more you post the worse the new build house sounds.

I wouldn't move, the compromises are far too big, and I think you'd end up regretting your decision.

If you can afford the mortgage payments even with the increases in energy costs etc, I would stay put. I’m in a ‘70s detached and would never want to go back to living in a semi ever again. My mental health is so much better in this house. Also I would never buy a new build. I find the developments claustrophobic.

Could you not redecorate/change the inside of your current house so it feels like a different home?

If your teenagers have an extra living room to invite friends back you will know where they are and they'll be safe.

I would stay put.

Your current house sounds way better and will probably appreciate faster in value compared with low interest rates on mortgage.

Nee builds often depreciate to begin with as the warranty comes to an end and people prefer a real new build rather than a second hand new build.

Selling and Buying is v expensive, with stamp duty, EA fees etc.

I would look for other ways to address the lingering emotional problems.

And invest a bit in refreshing your house, make it look and feel different.

I wouldn't move

In a similar situation to you with size of house and our kids are 7 and 3.

Being forced to all sit in one room when they're teens sounds like hell on earth. As it is we will let the older one watch tv in the den sometimes now by herself as she doesn't want to watch what the 3 year old wants to watch.

Stay where you are, it’s a much better house for your family as the children grow into adults