Help, house decision. DH and I can't agree

[Moveorstay2022]

Me, DH both late 30s, and 2 DC under 6.

Current situation:
4 bed detached from the 70s, big garden, desirable area close to kids' school. 3 living spaces. Kitchen needs doing. Extension potential on side and back. c£150k mortgage left (paying £1k p/m), estimated value of house £500k.

So we've had a tricky few years in our marriage -lots better now but I've fallen out of love with the house as it's a constant reminder of a very difficult time.

I have seen a house. Semi detached, new build. Less living space and small garden (but next to big fields). Ample space upstairs for bedrooms/office/playrooms as they have built into the loft. 5 mins from where we currently are, not as desirable of an area but definitely not bad. Out of school catchment but school has a sibling policy and they have advised that youngest DC should be fine to get in.

One of the biggest pull factors for me is that if we move to this house, we can be mortgage free and save an extra £1k a month. We are not financially uncomfortable now but not having a mortgage would strengthen that.

DH likes the new house but isn't motivated by not having a mortgage as it's "normal" to have one at our age. Instead he thinks that we will regret selling our current property because of where it is and the size of the plot, that it will appreciate more in value than the other property that will offset the no-mortgage saving.
He doesn't think that 1 living space is enough - I prefer that as at the moment, it's too easy for us to watch our own TV in different rooms. I like the idea of us being forced to "live" in one room. I think that in the future if kids need a TV for their playstation or what not, we could convert one of the bedrooms upstairs.
If we stay here we will need to do the kitchen which will use up some of our savings, plus we continue with the mortgage.

We can't agree on what to do. Any advice appreciated

I would stay and renovate where you are, out with old and in with the new make a fresh start where you are.

@Moveorstay2022

Me, DH both late 30s, and 2 DC under 6.

Current situation:
4 bed detached from the 70s, big garden, desirable area close to kids' school. 3 living spaces. Kitchen needs doing. Extension potential on side and back. c£150k mortgage left (paying £1k p/m), estimated value of house £500k.

So we've had a tricky few years in our marriage -lots better now but I've fallen out of love with the house as it's a constant reminder of a very difficult time.

I have seen a house. Semi detached, new build. Less living space and small garden (but next to big fields). Ample space upstairs for bedrooms/office/playrooms as they have built into the loft. 5 mins from where we currently are, not as desirable of an area but definitely not bad. Out of school catchment but school has a sibling policy and they have advised that youngest DC should be fine to get in.

One of the biggest pull factors for me is that if we move to this house, we can be mortgage free and save an extra £1k a month. We are not financially uncomfortable now but not having a mortgage would strengthen that.

DH likes the new house but isn't motivated by not having a mortgage as it's "normal" to have one at our age. Instead he thinks that we will regret selling our current property because of where it is and the size of the plot, that it will appreciate more in value than the other property that will offset the no-mortgage saving.
He doesn't think that 1 living space is enough - I prefer that as at the moment, it's too easy for us to watch our own TV in different rooms. I like the idea of us being forced to "live" in one room. I think that in the future if kids need a TV for their playstation or what not, we could convert one of the bedrooms upstairs.
If we stay here we will need to do the kitchen which will use up some of our savings, plus we continue with the mortgage.

We can't agree on what to do. Any advice appreciated

If you were to move and save £1000 a month, what would you do with it? Unless you really need it for essential living, not just a new car, holidays etc. then property is the best way, long term, to make money work for you. In the future, when the children are older and you realise that the 'new' house doesn't meet your needs, the gap between what you could sell for and what you want will be perhaps more than you can then afford probably. I would be looking at redecoration to try and erase bad memories, the stress and costs of moving won't help a difficult relationship, if you didn't like the new house how soon would it be before the blame game started?

If you move you'll have to pay stamp duty, solicitors fees, estate agents fees, removal costs - that'll be far more than the cost of a new kitchen.

You'll need that space as the children grow older - we don't have PCs upstairs which works as we have enough room for DC to work in peace downstairs & it makes it easier for us to keep an eye on DC.

A large garden means you have space between you & your neighbours which is always good ime.

I'd definitely stay put & upgrade the house.

No way your current house sounds much better.
Can you remortgage (haven’t read full thread sorry) / use equity to improve it?
Sounds like a much better house overall and with much more room to grow into.

New build semi doesn’t sound attractive or practical for your at all

Stay… out of catchment siblings are trumped by in catchment non-siblings

No way would I swop a detached for a semi-detached unless I had to.

Big field adjacent…for now.
High probability that it is already a development plan as was your plot until recently. Unless it has a variant of AONB or SSSI, it is reasonable to assume that it will be built on. Check the local authority strategic plans on line in depth.

So estate build takes some time so you will need to factor in significant disruption from heavy works & site traffic.

As interest rates may rise & the costs of energy will hike, now is perhaps not the best time to move. Even though you may be mortgage free &/or have some cash left over, your home is more than balancing a spreadsheet.

Were you both older with adult children, then there is a case for downsizing, but the caveat to that is to shift to where there are more communal amenities rather than further into an estate.

You choose how you frame your experiences & this leads to how you may feel. If you move without addressing the ashes of your unhappiness, then you will take that stale take along with you. Moving house per se will not set you free. Although initially sticky, staying put & working through your feelings about the house & will be a form of self-development that you can keep for other matters.

Rejig, renovate & redecorate the house you have.

Can you start looking for something else? I think it'd be a mistake to go from a big detached to a smaller semi, even though you could end up mortgage free. Maybe you could agree to look for something bigger than the semi, with a view to needing a smaller mortgage.

I can understand wanting to leave the bad memories behind, but a smaller house with a growing-up family doesn't seem like a great idea.

I'm with DH.

Can you redecorate or renovate your existing house to blur the bad memories?

I wouldn't be moving into a new build semi, from where you are now. Older houses have more style and usually bigger gardens.

No no no don't move to that semi. Stay where you are, redecorate and focus on what you have. A suitable house you can afford.

Look at worst case scenarios if you buy the smaller, cheaper house:

• if you split up, there's less money for each of you. What could you buy for half of the cost of the semi v half the cost of your existing home?
• if you're not getting on well, you'd have less space so tempers get even more fraught
• you might have bad neighbours in the semi - that's going to have far less impact on you in your existing house
• when you do downsize from your existing home, you'll have more money for your retirement. If you have an extra £1,000 per month now you're likely to spend a lot of it
• one of your DC might be a complete pain in the arse when they're in their teens - you won't have the space to get away from them in the semi

If you hanker after financial security, as you said, it makes no sense to sell your biggest asset and buy a cheaper one.

I'd side with your husband. The new house you describe doesn't sound very desirable. Maybe if you found a house you both liked?

Your desire to move doesn't sound like it's got good motivations. I think your desire to be mortgage free is a red herring - it's very unusual at your age, and you'd be making a massive trade downwards in house / lifestyle. What jumped out more was that your current house reminds you of bad times, and that you want to be forced to be in the same space as your husband rather than spending time separately. Sounds like you still have communication issues and that your marriage still has some work that needs doing. I appreciate you want a change, but I don't think the house is actually the change you're looking for - revisit your relationship and try to make that better rather than changing your environment.

I have seen a house. Semi detached, new build. Less living space and small garden (but next to big fields).

Those big fields will not remain big fields for long. Your new build Is on what used to be a big field. Have a look at the long term master plan for the area.

And you couldn’t pay me enough to move from a detached to a semi-detached.

@Nordicwannabe With a good financial advisor, the growth in investments will far outstrip any increase in property value if you are willing to take risks over the long term with a diverse portfolio. For the OP who is already anxious about money, I appreciate that this probably isn't the approach for them though.

Also, you could add a two room office to the garden which would give you that separation from the house.

In the last year I know of a few people who have done this and they say it is a game changer for them.

Those big fields will fill up with more housing. I think you'd be mad to move

Not sure of the benefit of the fields anyway, if they are full of crops or animals they are hardly an extension of your garden! And may come with harvesting from 4.30 am in August.

God, no. Not to a new build semi.

Your current house sounds great. If you desperately want to move, wait till something better comes along.

I also agree with your husband that being mortgage free, but at the expense of living in an unsuitable house isn't a good idea.