Help, house decision. DH and I can't agree

[Moveorstay2022]

Me, DH both late 30s, and 2 DC under 6.

Current situation:
4 bed detached from the 70s, big garden, desirable area close to kids' school. 3 living spaces. Kitchen needs doing. Extension potential on side and back. c£150k mortgage left (paying £1k p/m), estimated value of house £500k.

So we've had a tricky few years in our marriage -lots better now but I've fallen out of love with the house as it's a constant reminder of a very difficult time.

I have seen a house. Semi detached, new build. Less living space and small garden (but next to big fields). Ample space upstairs for bedrooms/office/playrooms as they have built into the loft. 5 mins from where we currently are, not as desirable of an area but definitely not bad. Out of school catchment but school has a sibling policy and they have advised that youngest DC should be fine to get in.

One of the biggest pull factors for me is that if we move to this house, we can be mortgage free and save an extra £1k a month. We are not financially uncomfortable now but not having a mortgage would strengthen that.

DH likes the new house but isn't motivated by not having a mortgage as it's "normal" to have one at our age. Instead he thinks that we will regret selling our current property because of where it is and the size of the plot, that it will appreciate more in value than the other property that will offset the no-mortgage saving.
He doesn't think that 1 living space is enough - I prefer that as at the moment, it's too easy for us to watch our own TV in different rooms. I like the idea of us being forced to "live" in one room. I think that in the future if kids need a TV for their playstation or what not, we could convert one of the bedrooms upstairs.
If we stay here we will need to do the kitchen which will use up some of our savings, plus we continue with the mortgage.

We can't agree on what to do. Any advice appreciated

We moved from an Edwardian house with 3 living spaces to a newer house which is completely open plan. Much preferred the older house. Don't actively dislike open plan but keeping it tidy all the time is a pain. Property is still the best long term investment and time to move if one of you loses your job or financial circumstances change. Agree with your DH.

Do not move.

The fields behind your new build will be the next phase of the development.

Fresh decor, fresh start.

Also with your income- get a cleaner in x2 week.

I bet my bottom dollar some developer has their eye on the field next door to house b.

If you did move to house b that would be it for adding equity value because it has already been done. You would be stuck there because you will never have enough equity to move back up the ladder to your current house equivalent. In years to come you would drive past house a and see how the new owners have added value by extending and you would curse your shortsightedness as you drive home to your crumbling new build semi on an increasingly unattractive estate.

Team DH here. Forcing people into one living space just won't work, the teenagers will stay in their bedrooms. And savings will be offset by travel costs.

@GetOffTheTableMabel

Don’t underestimated the snags that new builds have. Some need repeated visits from the developers to put right issues that manifest only after people move in. Your DH would see every new house inconvenience as your fault. Don’t underestimate the benefit of plenty of living space in a relationship that is under pressure. The ability to move away from each other without seeming to make a point by retreating to the bedroom is valuable. Do you need to factor in Stamp Duty on the purchase price of the new house? Become most new kitchens would cost much less than stamp duty.

The stamp duty is c£8.5k. Completely get your point and that I'm underestimating the benefit of separate living space. Sitting/working in separate rooms during our long rough patch was a godsend for our mental health

No WAY to moving, re-decorate and get marriage counselling

I'm with your DH - stay where you are. I'd never buy a new build.

If the house you're in has "memories" change the decor or something.

I won’t move in this situation. I get that you want to do up your current home but if it’s larger than the one you want to move to then why do you think your current house needs and extension?

I think you’ve got rose tinted glasses on about the semi and the reality of all being on top of each other and having joined on neighbours will become apparent all too quickly. Those frustrations will only grow as the children grow. I think the supposed financial benefits aren’t as great as you imagine at this point, and you’re considering adding considerable annoyance to your lives by complicating school arrangements by moving out of catchment. I wonder if the marriage problems may reappear if one of you isn’t onboard with that house but feels compelled to move there.

I understand not wanting to stay in the house you’re in.

But I don’t think the semi is the right house.

Do big windows make more dust? I would stick with big windows.

I'm with your DH

If you are desperate to move find something more similar to your current house and not a semi new build with a smaller plot, in a less desirable area and probably with an estate management charge which will only ever go up

While interest rates are still low there is no financial value in being mortgage free. Especially as you are both relatively young and working, and your LTV is relatively low.

Also as the long-term trend is always for property values to rise, you are better off staying in the larger, more valuable property as the net gain will be higher when you do decide to sell.

If you have £72k in savings, then definitely don't move. Use some of these to pay off your mortgage as long as you can do so without penalty.

I've read all your posts but not all the replies.
I'm sorry, but I think you're completely and utterly mad. Move to a smaller house in a worse location?!

I think this is a mental health issue and you need therapy, not the stress of a unnecessary house move that you will regret. You might find that you still feel the same once you're there, just more stressed out and having more arguments with DH again, since you want to move and he (rightly) doesn't.

"The mortgage per month is £1k, the income is c£4k.

We have c£72k savings. I don't know what it is, I know that we are very very lucky, but I'm constantly worrying about retirement and saving up for it as much as possible by reducing our debt burden. I have some insecurities about financial instability stemming from my childhood"

You can more than afford to stay in your current house and to do renovations if you want to. Constantly worrying about retirement is not normal given your level of income and savings. This is something you need to address in therapy.

Dont sell. Gut your current house and redecorate. madness to leave your home for something less desireable. if the mortgage becomes an issue then you can always rethink. .

I think you would be absolute bonkers to move. You have a lovely spacious home. Don’t underestimate the importance of space over being mortgage free.

If you are desperate to move, then find something else as the new build sounds like a typical new build - small, cramped and no character to the development.

And moving will just cover the issues with a plaster - they will still be there. You can’t run away from problems.

PS i have two young children (5 and 1) and am desperate for more space, we are planning an extension and loft conversion to get more living space - including two separate rooms, I hate only having one open space downstairs - and a 4th bedroom.

Only read the first page, so not sure if anyone else has mentioned neighbours?

If you get on ok with your current ones, you're risking getting the neighbours from hell and in a semi too. No I would stick with what you have. I've downsized and regretted it.

If you have Savings, you would be better off investing the money in a pension than using it to pay off a mortgage while interest rates are low.

Speak to an IFA though, don't take my word for it.

I agree with pps - in your situation it’s better to have a bigger house, as kids get older, for you and h to have space from each other, and - though I’m sorry to be blunt - in case you separate. I don’t think being mortgage free is preferable to having a higher/increasing value house if you need to sell up and get two smaller properties. The stress of moving wouldn’t be good for the relationship either.

I am an old cynic who has a hard time trusting men so bear that in mind, but I’d be wondering if your h is also considering this aspect. Though his other reasons also make sense.

Stay on your house. Do the work

I think I'd take a big 1970s house over a new build. The quality alone must be way ahead.

I would stay. Your current house sounds like my dream house. We're currently building an extension, 2 primary aged kids and only having one living space is quite suffocating and it will only get worse over the next few years. Get the kitchen done, maybe re-jig the rooms arounds so it feels like a different space?

You want to be forced to all live in one room ? I see what you mean but honestly the novelty will wear off I'm sure !

I wouldn't think this is a great time to downsize and if you do you may find yourselves wanting more room again in 5-10 years. Then you'd have paid 2 lots of fees etc.

Being mortgage free sounds great but usually its not a huge burden to manage.

@WellTidy

Stay. Everything points to it. Having extra space downstairs for teens is so valuable - they want their independence and privacy, it in my experience, they also want you close enough. To dip in and out of conversations, check in, catch up etc. If that space goes into the garden (for hanging out, ball games etc) then so much the better.

If your Dc will be able to walk to school as they get older too, that is great for them. And for you, you will be less tied. And as they get older for them to access the local shops or coffee shops with their friends independently. I’d put this above quite a lot of things really.

Neighbours. Who know what your new neighbours would be like. Having good neighbours is a massive thing.

And if in time you still feel like moving, you can. Maybe frame it to yourself that you are parking the decision making for now. You can always move at a later date if you feel that is best. Much and more expensive harder to move twice.

Thank you. Strangely, I was just thinking the other day about how I would be consigned to do the school run/drop off until one of them is old enough to drive, whereas if we stay, they can start walking with their friends when they are 11/12.

Our neighbours here are all elderly, which is absolutely lovely, I'm usually worried about the noise that MY kids are making that could be disturbing them 😂. I think over the years as the neighbours pass on, they will be bought by younger families, which will be nicer for the kids