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Original poster

If you are going to ask your kids football coach to do any of these things, please don't...

188 replies

thefootballcoacheswife · 26/02/2022 08:05

My DH coaches under 8's football. He gives up a lot of time to this, training twice a week, Saturdays for matches and lots of other time planning and scheduling (and dreaming of cup glory Grin)
He loves coaching the kids. What he does not love is dealing with some of the parents.
In the last month he has been:
Asked to not let a kid join the team by a Mother of a child already in the team.A bit of digging revealed that this Mother didn't like the parents of the new kid as they were formerly friends and they had sided with her ex husband in the divorce. She called DH and messaged him repeatedly basically describing the new child as the incantation of pure evil. DH ignored her, the kid started with the team and unsurprisingly all was fine between the kids.

Asked by another Mother to refuse let her ex husband attend a team trip to watch a premier league game that the whole team and families were going on. We know this family. The parents have equal custody of the kids. They had both booked to come on the trip. This mother was seriously expecting DH to call the Dad and tell
Him he couldn't come because she doesn't like him.

Asked by a Dad to pick up and bring back his kid from training for the next three weeks because he was busy. It's a twenty minute detour to pick him and drop him back. Is DH now a cab as well?

Sworn at and threatened by a parent who felt his kid wasn't getting enough minutes (they all play the same amount usually sitting out one quarter each)

These are just in the last month.

Being a kids football coach is a Labour of love. DH does it as a volunteer basis as do lots of other football coaches. They are happy to coach kids. But what they aren't are referees in family / social disputes, marriage guidance counsellors, social engineers or cab drivers.

He is so stressed by the parental politics that he has considered quitting. So if you are going to do any of the above mentioned things to your kids football coach, or anything like them, please reconsider! They just want to show your kids how to play football. They don't want to be involved in your life outside of that at all!

OP posts:
Debroglie · 26/02/2022 08:12

I love m sons football coach and I would be appalled if any of the parents did those things. I am so grateful that the coach gives so much time to the team. I find it quite annoying that some parents just drop their dc at training and disappear for an hour. It’s also under 8s and IMO the dc are too young to be left so the poor coach has to tie laces/comfort when hurt etc. I think parents should be there to support the coach for the whole session. It’s not childcare!

MsTSwift · 26/02/2022 08:17

What the hell is wrong with people?!

When my friend was a guide leader one session they did a chill out pamper session and one set of parents sent an email of complaint signed from both of them! My friend was a fucking volunteer!

I like the Canadian system your kid does a sport you have to run a session. No parental involvement no place for your kid. That would sort it.

Original poster
thefootballcoacheswife · 26/02/2022 08:19

Yes, also this! Parents leave their kids at training and then show up at the end sometimes ten, even 15 minutes late. DH obviously has to stay with the kid. Sometimes he weirdly just wants to come home to see his own kids at the end of a day at work then an hours coaching 12 under 8's!

OP posts:

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wouldyoupleasem · 26/02/2022 08:21

My brother is a coach of an under 7s team. The drama and expectation from some parents is ridiculous. I'm surprised he still bothers, but I guess someone has to or the kids miss out. Confused

MrsDeaconClaybourne · 26/02/2022 08:23

DH has been involved in coaching football for quite a while over the years. DS1 is 16 now and he still helps with his team. Sadly none of what anyone says surprises me at all.Hmm

Sherrystrull · 26/02/2022 08:26

Sadly this is common in schools and what school staff deal with every day. To hear that it transfers to volunteers is awful.

Sports coaches are amazing unsung heroes. The sports my children play for are run by the most amazing people who give up their time and are so brilliant with the kids. The positive and inclusive atmosphere at one particular group has transformed my shy and nervous dc.

Downtherefordancing · 26/02/2022 08:26

These parents make me so angry.

My sister is a tennis coach and gets the same from parents. She is constantly harassed that young “tarquin” should be playing at a much high level. No he shouldn’t … he’s rubbish at tennis 😳

At one club she worked at, the stress from parents bullying her, made her ill.

HowtoStop · 26/02/2022 08:28

Asked by a Dad to pick up and bring back his kid from training for the next three weeks because he was busy. It's a twenty minute detour to pick him and drop him back. Is DH now a cab as well?

Well that’s a safeguarding red flag. Hope he hasn’t been giving lifts to the youngster, as it’s the first thing they teach you in any coaching course. He can easily tell the dad it’s against the rules and not think about it again.

The other things can also be explained to the parents. I’m a qualified stage 1 coach for another sport and we are given guidance on how to deal with situations. You will always come across weird parents like this. As a coach though, your first priority is the kids, and it seems that your DH is dealing with everything fine.

Florin · 26/02/2022 08:29

I feel for your dh. Our son’s football coach is a saint! Some of the parents are nightmares and just take the piss.

WindsweptPidgeon · 26/02/2022 08:33

@MsTSwift

What the hell is wrong with people?!

When my friend was a guide leader one session they did a chill out pamper session and one set of parents sent an email of complaint signed from both of them! My friend was a fucking volunteer!

I like the Canadian system your kid does a sport you have to run a session. No parental involvement no place for your kid. That would sort it.

I didn't know that about the Canadian system. That's a really good way of running things.

Not sure I'd have been too impressed with a "pamper" session at Guides club. Can you imagine Scouts doing that?

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 26/02/2022 08:36

This is why my ds left the team , and I was relieved tbh. So much drama , these kids are 7 years old and the politics is ridiculous. It was a toxic environment and ds is so much happier now .
I'm embarrassed for these parents who think their kid is playing in the Premier league or something

harrumphs · 26/02/2022 08:43

Well done to your DH, OP. He's doing a great thing. Sadly awful parents seem to be par for the course in kid's football.

Andacherryonthetop · 26/02/2022 08:45

My dh coaches under 10s. He loves coaching but hates the parent drama so much- he doesn’t want to do it anymore

LizBennet · 26/02/2022 08:46

Why TF would anyone think they had the right to ask that anyway 😭😂

ThePennyJustDropped · 26/02/2022 08:46

@WindsweptPidgeon why shouldn't guides do pamper sessions and equally why would scouts not want to? It's driven by the interests of the pack. If they enjoy it why would you not like it?

I don't think anyone is enforcing or pushing outdated stereotypes that girls must behave this way and enjoy this while boys can do something else, it's simply groups of kids doing what they enjoy.

Backtomyoldname · 26/02/2022 08:50

My brother ran his junior school’s team. They played with other schools, I think, in a minor school league.

They ended up having to keep fixtures a secret/quiet because of the upset some parents caused on the touchline.

ThisIsGroundControl · 26/02/2022 08:51

Well that’s a safeguarding red flag. Hope he hasn’t been giving lifts to the youngster, as it’s the first thing they teach you in any coaching course

Not alone but can with his child in the car, although not best practice I agree.

Also not surprised sadly, I volunteer, add not emailing to demand a different position for your child/demanding inclusion in matches/demanding session changes because it doesn't fit in with child's new tutor.

Original poster
thefootballcoacheswife · 26/02/2022 08:52

He didn't agree to give the kid the lift. For the safeguarding reasons given but also because it was a piss take. The parent that asked was actually miffed! 🙄

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 26/02/2022 08:53

I'm a Cub leader.
My list for parents
Contact numbers. Its for who you want us to contact in an emergency. So list the best parent for an emergency pick up first. Or both if it varies. Or a grandparent if you are planning a trip away while we are on camp. And keep it updated.
Try not to be late to pick up or drop off. And let us know if you won't be coming for a few weeks. Or not coming back.
And Thank Yous are nice.

Best parent ever was the one who turned up to Camp pick up with drinks for all the leaders from Costa!

WindsweptPidgeon · 26/02/2022 08:55

@ThePennyJustDropped Do you honestly think Scouts would run "pamper" sessions? And Guides running them because "it's driven by the interests of the pack" are just enforcing the social conditioning girls are subjected to. Do you think girls are born wanting to paint their nails?

Toomanypeople · 26/02/2022 09:00

At our club a parent has to stay at training until u12, giving lifts except in emergency is not allowed. Lots of parents just don't appreciate the time nd effort involved to coach/volunteer

Hornetfarmer · 26/02/2022 09:01

I coach and this isn't surprising. The amount of parents who think it is appropriate to pipe up without offering any meaningful support is astounding. It really makes you stop wanting to do it.

MsTSwift · 26/02/2022 09:02

Well my friend was so pissed off this was the last straw she stopped leading the group no one else stepped up and that popular guide group folded. So good result there!

ThisIsGroundControl · 26/02/2022 09:03

[quote WindsweptPidgeon]@ThePennyJustDropped Do you honestly think Scouts would run "pamper" sessions? And Guides running them because "it's driven by the interests of the pack" are just enforcing the social conditioning girls are subjected to. Do you think girls are born wanting to paint their nails?[/quote]
Do you think boys are born not wanting to look after themselves? The problem here lies with the scouts not doing it not the guides wanting to.

In fact this is a real annoyance of mine, so many boys are never shown or bought products to help their spots, greasy hair etc. It is assumed as they have a willy that they don't care about their appearance.

ThisIsGroundControl · 26/02/2022 09:05

@MsTSwift

Well my friend was so pissed off this was the last straw she stopped leading the group no one else stepped up and that popular guide group folded. So good result there!
By people like windswept no doubt, who instead of getting involved to make changes think they can just force their ideas with minimum effort
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