If you are going to ask your kids football coach to do any of these things, please don't...

[thefootballcoacheswife]

My DH coaches under 8's football. He gives up a lot of time to this, training twice a week, Saturdays for matches and lots of other time planning and scheduling (and dreaming of cup glory )
He loves coaching the kids. What he does not love is dealing with some of the parents.
In the last month he has been:
Asked to not let a kid join the team by a Mother of a child already in the team.A bit of digging revealed that this Mother didn't like the parents of the new kid as they were formerly friends and they had sided with her ex husband in the divorce. She called DH and messaged him repeatedly basically describing the new child as the incantation of pure evil. DH ignored her, the kid started with the team and unsurprisingly all was fine between the kids.

Asked by another Mother to refuse let her ex husband attend a team trip to watch a premier league game that the whole team and families were going on. We know this family. The parents have equal custody of the kids. They had both booked to come on the trip. This mother was seriously expecting DH to call the Dad and tell
Him he couldn't come because she doesn't like him.

Asked by a Dad to pick up and bring back his kid from training for the next three weeks because he was busy. It's a twenty minute detour to pick him and drop him back. Is DH now a cab as well?

Sworn at and threatened by a parent who felt his kid wasn't getting enough minutes (they all play the same amount usually sitting out one quarter each)

These are just in the last month.

Being a kids football coach is a Labour of love. DH does it as a volunteer basis as do lots of other football coaches. They are happy to coach kids. But what they aren't are referees in family / social disputes, marriage guidance counsellors, social engineers or cab drivers.

He is so stressed by the parental politics that he has considered quitting. So if you are going to do any of the above mentioned things to your kids football coach, or anything like them, please reconsider! They just want to show your kids how to play football. They don't want to be involved in your life outside of that at all!

I agree OP. My husband has coached his team from the very beginning and now they are under 14s. Consistently top of the league in the A league and some parents are STILL not happy.

It’s water off a ducks back to him though now. No one forces any child to remain in certain teams.

He’s had a few leave along the way and every single one has asked to return once they realise he weren’t all that bad compared to some numpties out there.

My DC football coaches are fantastic! I’ve got to say we’re lucky and all the parents are pretty cool also - we always cheer on the opponents and clap good play no matter what side.

Now you think football parents are bad…gymnastics is ANOTHER level. Horrific. Was so happy the day DC quit that one. You could almost see the Olympic fantasies in the parents eyes as their little darling did a lop sided cartwheel

My friend quit being a volunteer coach despite loving it because of the arsehole behaviour of some parents. It's sad.

Equal time on the pitch for everyone will never win the most matches. However, if you love the game and want others to get the most out of it, you can't be thinking just about the next match, it's about exposing children to what might become a lifelong passion.
The small 8 year-old who struggles to keep up with his peers may well become a cup-winning giant in their teens like Maradonna (5'5"), Messi (5'7") or a Ronaldo (6'2"), if they drop out at 9 because they're not supported we'll never find out.
My brother was a long suffering volunteer coach, always promoting the love of the game and equal opportunities for all. He points out to parents and coaches obsessed with winning at all costs that in all those years only one of his players went on to play for their country.

Interesting those who say don’t drop off. Our coaches (both professionals who coach top level womens teams in the evenings) encourage parents to mostly disappear. They prefer the children and coaches to support each other and foster independence and care for teammates. I go for a run nearby, some parents with younger children take them to a nearby playpark and some parents just go home / do the food shop whatever.

@windsweptPidgeon my daughter’s Scout group did exactly this! They had a pamper session where they made their own face masks and did each other’s nails. They all loved it.

OP I think all kids sports coaches and scout group leaders are unsung heroes and I can’t believe the expectations of some parents. It must be so stressful to deal with.

Sounds like he is part of a badly run club with a poor culture and weak engagement of parents.

These problems are common in clubs where the committee is weak and as the coach is the only person the parents see they get the brunt of parents not knowing how a club operates.

Your dh is part of that committee and they need to work together as a team to resolve their culture and parent engagement issues. In well run clubs there are usually parents tripping over themselves to get involved.

@MsTSwift of course I don't want praise. To call it basic parenting though is somewhat disingenuous and suggests you live in a bubble. Many, many parents do no activities at all with their kids. Even more sign up but then fail to pay subs, routinely allow/make their kids miss training cos they can't be arsed /have a hangover. Even more send poorly behaved kids who disrupt everyone else's time.
I'm simply saying that I and many other parents work hard to ensure our kids meet their commitments, put their best efforts in, buy equipment for them and pay to travel around the region. If we didn't do this, teams would fall apart. I do it out of love for my kids and a sense of responsibility...but you know what, there's a societal benefit to it too, to have kids fit, healthy, focused and learning team skills. And it all starts in the home...aided and supported by good coaches and volunteers with a love of the game.

OP I think all kids sports coaches and scout group leaders are unsung heroes and I can’t believe the expectations of some parents. It must be so stressful to deal with. I wholeheartedly agree. Each volunteer who has been good enough to give my dc an experience or opportunity, right from Brownies and Beavers to music clubs and sports have made a huge, positive impact.

DH coaches DS's football team, it seems like forever now! DS is now 18 and this will be the final year. I'm counting down the days to the end of this season (though by then the cricket will have kicked in!).

He's had all the weirdness from kids and parents over the years, but kept doing it because he knew the kids really loved it. As pp said, he's had kids leave (not enough time on the pitch etc etc) but quite a few have then tried to come back when they realise that 'fairness' can actually make for a better team atmosphere than winning. I know he'd do it again in a heartbeat, but I'm so glad it's nearly over!

My ex volunteers and runs the Saturday rugby club for 8-14.

Overwhelming majority from local private schools

None of the nonsense I’ve read above. Notevenawhiff.

No sideline shouting
No pressuring the coaches
No “everyone’s a winner”

They come
They play
It’s competitive
They love
They go

My ex and his “colleagues” absolutely love it

In well run clubs there are usually parents tripping over themselves to get involved.

Bollocks. Even in well run committees it is the same people doing multiple jobs. Because like a pp, multiple kids and multiple activities, and a full time job like most volunteers means they think they don't need to help

JudesBiggest the tone of your post was that the volunteers should recognise the parents “effort” which I think quite is pathetic really when compared with adults giving up their time to teach / coach random kids.

@Gardeningtipsneeded

Oh shit I’ve done two of these things

Haha which two? 🤣

I have asked for a lift once but coach lives two minutes away from me. And I would also consider them as a friend outside sport.

[quote JudesBiggestFan]@MsTSwift of course I don't want praise. To call it basic parenting though is somewhat disingenuous and suggests you live in a bubble. Many, many parents do no activities at all with their kids. Even more sign up but then fail to pay subs, routinely allow/make their kids miss training cos they can't be arsed /have a hangover. Even more send poorly behaved kids who disrupt everyone else's time.
I'm simply saying that I and many other parents work hard to ensure our kids meet their commitments, put their best efforts in, buy equipment for them and pay to travel around the region. If we didn't do this, teams would fall apart. I do it out of love for my kids and a sense of responsibility...but you know what, there's a societal benefit to it too, to have kids fit, healthy, focused and learning team skills. And it all starts in the home...aided and supported by good coaches and volunteers with a love of the game.[/quote]
But you (and me)
We aren’t doing it for any other reason than our (own) child loves it and wants to play.

The motivation is purely insular. Come on - I admit it!

So I’m eternally grateful for the amazing volunteers because i pi the effort in for MY child

Would not dream of doing the same for a dozen other children that mean squat all to me!

@thanktor

My ex volunteers and runs the Saturday rugby club for 8-14.

Overwhelming majority from local private schools

None of the nonsense I’ve read above. Notevenawhiff.

No sideline shouting
No pressuring the coaches
No “everyone’s a winner”

They come
They play
It’s competitive
They love
They go

My ex and his “colleagues” absolutely love it

There is a completely different tone from the rugby families. It seems a more community spirited and involved sport.

@1910username

My nephew coaches young kids too and he says is upsetting when a kid misbehaves at home and his punishment is not attending training/games for a couple of weeks.

It affects the team and feels it should be kept separately as part of being on a sports team is the discipline of attending training and not letting everyone down.

There are other punishments (like screen time) that could be enforced instead.

I agree with you. Not attending lets the team down. Also a possibility to prove that coach is onside with punishment and that bad behaviour won't be tolerated is to get the kid to do something extra after training, like put away all the equipment, or sweep out the changing room. And if their teammates ask why, they have to say it's because they cheeked their mum/teacher/whatever.

Ah interesting
Sorry missed that
Never been involved in football thank goodness

We are also involved in grassroots football and agree entirely.
Here’s another one:
What size so you think my child is? Will a 24” fit?

I mean how would anyone know except you?

This shit is why I am no longer a cub leader.

FWIW if a pamper session had been requested (unlikely given that they wanted to play Colditz every bloody week but still) I would have gone With it. Done some stuff on keeping healthy, let them make bath bombs or face packs and cleaned up the mess.

@Savoury

We are also involved in grassroots football and agree entirely. Here’s another one: What size so you think my child is? Will a 24” fit?

I mean how would anyone know except you?

But he kit may come up very large or small? Ours is huge An 11/12 is more like medium man

And this MN fallacy that rugby doesn't have these problems, but is instead populated by spiffing children and parents is also not true. There has been increased attacks on referees, match officials and poor behaviour both on and off pitch, to the extent the RFU have sent out guidance on how to behave. (As have other organisations, poor behaviour is prevalent in all sports)

@MsTSwift I just mean I suppose that it's a group effort.
Without the parents the team wouldn't exist. Without the coaches it wouldn't exist.
Of course I sign my kids up to clubs for their benefit, but I also take my responsibilities seriously...ensure they're on time, only cancel when I absolutely have to...basically don't let the side down.
That often means swapping shifts at work, my husband doing the same, taking my youngest out in all weathers from babyhood when it would have been easier not to. I don't expect thanks for that - my thanks is seeing my kids enjoying it - but to say the parents just rock up on the day is not true. It takes massive commitment.

@ThisIsGroundControl

And this MN fallacy that rugby doesn't have these problems, but is instead populated by spiffing children and parents is also not true. There has been increased attacks on referees, match officials and poor behaviour both on and off pitch, to the extent the RFU have sent out guidance on how to behave. (As have other organisations, poor behaviour is prevalent in all sports)

Agree. My DS does rugby and there was a message to group WhatsApp to remind people of the behaviour that's appropriate. The rugby culture is engrained early on too. I've seen the kids encouraged to cheer on coaches to down a pint for losing in the club house after, and also kids themselves standing on a chair to chug a pint of lemonade as some sort of initiation.

There's still favouritism towards the coaches kids, and 'banter' in the name of team spirit is encouraged too.
DS is 14 now and not thinking of carrying on. He's not really a 'lad's lad' and not really into that side of things. However if you go home early and don't join in you are not acting in the team spirit apparently.

Bit off topic, but yeah I agree rugby can be just as bad.

I have a plea for football coaches not to do the following:

(a) decide that all that matters is winning

(b) kick kids off the team who aren't very good because of (a)

(c) get involved in parental politics (clearly your DP hasn't! but some coaches definitely do!)

(d) kick kids off the team because of (c)

Swings and roundabouts OP although I accept that they are volunteers and giving up their free time.