If you are going to ask your kids football coach to do any of these things, please don't...

[thefootballcoacheswife]

My DH coaches under 8's football. He gives up a lot of time to this, training twice a week, Saturdays for matches and lots of other time planning and scheduling (and dreaming of cup glory )
He loves coaching the kids. What he does not love is dealing with some of the parents.
In the last month he has been:
Asked to not let a kid join the team by a Mother of a child already in the team.A bit of digging revealed that this Mother didn't like the parents of the new kid as they were formerly friends and they had sided with her ex husband in the divorce. She called DH and messaged him repeatedly basically describing the new child as the incantation of pure evil. DH ignored her, the kid started with the team and unsurprisingly all was fine between the kids.

Asked by another Mother to refuse let her ex husband attend a team trip to watch a premier league game that the whole team and families were going on. We know this family. The parents have equal custody of the kids. They had both booked to come on the trip. This mother was seriously expecting DH to call the Dad and tell
Him he couldn't come because she doesn't like him.

Asked by a Dad to pick up and bring back his kid from training for the next three weeks because he was busy. It's a twenty minute detour to pick him and drop him back. Is DH now a cab as well?

Sworn at and threatened by a parent who felt his kid wasn't getting enough minutes (they all play the same amount usually sitting out one quarter each)

These are just in the last month.

Being a kids football coach is a Labour of love. DH does it as a volunteer basis as do lots of other football coaches. They are happy to coach kids. But what they aren't are referees in family / social disputes, marriage guidance counsellors, social engineers or cab drivers.

He is so stressed by the parental politics that he has considered quitting. So if you are going to do any of the above mentioned things to your kids football coach, or anything like them, please reconsider! They just want to show your kids how to play football. They don't want to be involved in your life outside of that at all!

I agree, @Budgiegirlbob, some people are oblivious to reasonable behavior! My DD's school had to make a special announcement last year regarding parental behavior at matches and rudeness towards the referees and coaches. Apparently, some parents were being aggressive if their child didn't play a certain position, or they disagreed with a ref's decision.

Essentially, they were embarrassing their children and jeopardizing their continued participation! Luckily this wasn't on my DD's team, but we all received the lecture - I felt bad that the headteacher had to do it.

These were paid school coaches, obviously, so it's even worse when people behave badly towards volunteers!

@JuergenSchwarzwald

I have a plea for football coaches not to do the following:

(a) decide that all that matters is winning

(b) kick kids off the team who aren't very good because of (a)

(c) get involved in parental politics (clearly your DP hasn't! but some coaches definitely do!)

(d) kick kids off the team because of (c)

Swings and roundabouts OP although I accept that they are volunteers and giving up their free time.

If you're playing in a league then winning does matter?! As the teams get older there is a certain level of ability required, unfortunately. It's not personal but the aim of the game IS actually to win. It's a competitive sport. The mind boggles.

There are plenty of other activities available for non-competitive kids or those who haven't got the same level of ability, including lots of football groups that don't play competitively but if you're playing league games it's ridiculous to ask football coaches to not care about winning or keep kids in that aren't very good!

If you're playing in a league then winning does matter?! As the teams get older there is a certain level of ability required, unfortunately. It's not personal but the aim of the game IS actually to win. It's a competitive sport. The mind boggles

it's ridiculous to ask football coaches to not care about winning or keep kids in that aren't very good

The OP is I think talking about teenagers. When my son played he was aged 6-9, in a league with six divisions. Plenty of room for all abilities. They manage it in other sports, so why not football?

Forgot the last sentence. And yet, despite six divisions, kids were kicked out. Despite being NINE.

@CallyfromBlakes7

Forgot the last sentence. And yet, despite six divisions, kids were kicked out. Despite being NINE.

I was replying to a poster above rather than the OP, but I'm also talking of my experience with under 12s.

But unfortunately, there is not space for everyone. You only need so many people in a team + subs, so it's going to be selective. I'm not saying it's fair or the right way to be but I understand why it's that way.

And this is why kids lose interest in sports and think it's just not for them.
My son loves football and has always played but was in an U10 team that for some reason the coach thought was Manchester City and was kicking lads out left and right. Bad game? You're out. Missed a chance? You're out. It destroyed the boy's confidence and put my son of football for a long time.

Then he joined a lads and dad's league and it was like a different world. He thrived there, found his love for the game again and the team were really successful. Their coach wasn't technically great but he did build a good team spirit which resulted in a league winning team.

Kid's sport is so much more than winning matches at all costs and gives children skills for life

My dc’s under 12 football team is non-selective. They play in round robin tournaments with no results published.

And that's the point @TheWeeDonkey There are teams and clubs for all sorts. There's no point complaining that coaches want their teams to win or there is too much focus on winning...if they are in a competitive league. If you don't want that for your children or find it too intense there ARE other groups to join.

NC for this. I appreciate everything my children's coaches and activity volunteers do. I am on time, I pay the subs promptly, I don't moan if they only play five minutes, I let them manage discipline issues at the match/session and have dealt with things myself if they have requested me too (not a regular thing). However, when my ex was trying to access the team app to find out when and where I'd be with the children as part of ongoing harassment I messaged the coach asking for access not to be given and explained why (politely and without drama) and I didn't receive a reply or face to face acknowledgment of the safeguarding issue at all and now things feel awkward as I don't know if he has taken my concerns seriously or not.

@WindsweptPidgeon Girlguiding is girl led. This girls probably asked for a pamper night for fun! Are they not allowed to have fun? Be 'girly'? Or, you know, do what they want to do?!

@swallowingrazorblades That's a shame. I know my DH (also a coach) has had to do a lot of safeguarding training and has faced similar situations as you've described. The football club have a dedicated safeguarding officer - does yours have such a thing?

[quote CornishGem1975]@swallowingrazorblades That's a shame. I know my DH (also a coach) has had to do a lot of safeguarding training and has faced similar situations as you've described. The football club have a dedicated safeguarding officer - does yours have such a thing? [/quote]
I believe they do but I don't want to make a fuss now as ex hasn't tried to access the app since I rejected his request. The thing is I tell the ex when kids have matches when he has them. But he wants to know where and when I take them so he can try and turn up to cause a scene (back fired as a friend took them for a couple of weeks when I was a bit nervous). It would have just been nice for the coach to acknowledge the issue even if they didn't want to get drawn into it.