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Original poster

If you are going to ask your kids football coach to do any of these things, please don't...

188 replies

thefootballcoacheswife · 26/02/2022 08:05

My DH coaches under 8's football. He gives up a lot of time to this, training twice a week, Saturdays for matches and lots of other time planning and scheduling (and dreaming of cup glory Grin)
He loves coaching the kids. What he does not love is dealing with some of the parents.
In the last month he has been:
Asked to not let a kid join the team by a Mother of a child already in the team.A bit of digging revealed that this Mother didn't like the parents of the new kid as they were formerly friends and they had sided with her ex husband in the divorce. She called DH and messaged him repeatedly basically describing the new child as the incantation of pure evil. DH ignored her, the kid started with the team and unsurprisingly all was fine between the kids.

Asked by another Mother to refuse let her ex husband attend a team trip to watch a premier league game that the whole team and families were going on. We know this family. The parents have equal custody of the kids. They had both booked to come on the trip. This mother was seriously expecting DH to call the Dad and tell
Him he couldn't come because she doesn't like him.

Asked by a Dad to pick up and bring back his kid from training for the next three weeks because he was busy. It's a twenty minute detour to pick him and drop him back. Is DH now a cab as well?

Sworn at and threatened by a parent who felt his kid wasn't getting enough minutes (they all play the same amount usually sitting out one quarter each)

These are just in the last month.

Being a kids football coach is a Labour of love. DH does it as a volunteer basis as do lots of other football coaches. They are happy to coach kids. But what they aren't are referees in family / social disputes, marriage guidance counsellors, social engineers or cab drivers.

He is so stressed by the parental politics that he has considered quitting. So if you are going to do any of the above mentioned things to your kids football coach, or anything like them, please reconsider! They just want to show your kids how to play football. They don't want to be involved in your life outside of that at all!

OP posts:
EnglishGirlApproximately · 26/02/2022 09:05

I'm always in awe of DS' football coach and how much he puts in to the team. He became coach by default after the previous coach left, he's a team members dad and said he'd help while they found a new coach as he'ddone the qualifications before. He's still here over a year later and loves it and has done so much for the kids Grin
He works full time, lives an hour away from where we train and play and has 4 young kids, I honestly don't know how he does it. It isn't just the training and matches - its the organising kit, fundraising, equipment etc. So much is involved. We get all this for £22 a month. Parents who complain need to have a word with themselves.

lottiegarbanzo · 26/02/2022 09:05

Well I think you've got a pretty good strapline there, maybe his new email footer?: 'I am a volunteer. I just want to show your kids how to play football. I don't want to be involved in your life outside of that at all'

Guides etc is more complex, because, between the girls' interests and the skills and inclinations of the leaders, they choose their own activities.

I remember my Guides group choosing to do a 'pamper session' when I was eleven, because some of the 14 year-olds proposed it and the Guider thought it was a great idea. Unfortunately, shit like that - emphasis from older girls on make-up, body image and boyfriends - is what drove me out of Guides. I wanted to do badges, outdoor and team activities, learn stuff. I found all the teenagery-ness and its endorsement by leadership, really uncomfortable and a bit intimidating.

MichaelAndEagle · 26/02/2022 09:06

They do say 'no good deed goes unpunished'
Thank god there are people like your dh and others in this thread who are willing to give up their own free time and put in so much effort so our kids can benefit.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
gingerhairthatshetiedinaplait · 26/02/2022 09:06

My husband quit when my boy turned 13 as it was just too much.
The final straw was (when they were having a rough patch) to demand that they put on extra training sessions. Said dad was asked if he would run it if it was so needed "but I work! I'm busy" was the reply. Entitled bollocks from people who do nothing but complain as if the coaches are actually premier league managers

Gardeningtipsneeded · 26/02/2022 09:08

Oh shit
I’ve done two of these things

Simonjt · 26/02/2022 09:08

Rugby tots is just as bad, which is even more bonkers when you consider how young the children are.

I’ve had people request a child is banned because they looked at their child ‘funny’, I had one parent complain that her daughter wasn’t seen as a priority because she wasn’t the fastest runner, they’re three, they all run like little fat ducks.

ItWasPeculiarButBearable · 26/02/2022 09:09

Football seems to attract people more intense to the volunteers than any other sport I’ve been involved in.

That said l, as an u8s coach I definitely don’t want a load of parents hanging round and leaping in everytime little Susie’s lace comes undone. We have friendly rapport with parents and make them welcome to stay but definitely prefer when they’re not there!

gingerhairthatshetiedinaplait · 26/02/2022 09:11

@Gardeningtipsneeded why did you though? I think if you read this stuff and see what the coaches/ wives/ families sacrifice for your child and think twice in future, or offer your services to help in some way, you can pull it back but please try to see that people help , often because otherwise the kids don't get to play and "someone has to"

MsTSwift · 26/02/2022 09:15

For those slagging off my friend she is the least pamper type she is a hardcore guiding camping hiking legend. They had a downtime session at the end of term and some of the girls planned a one off pamper session 🙄🙄🙄

cansu · 26/02/2022 09:18

Children doing a pamper session at guides will not cause the world to end. What about cooking? Is that also now forbidden? I am not surprised the leader quit. There are people on here criticising. Here is an idea. If you want more outdoors activities why not volunteer and run one?

Quirrelsotherface · 26/02/2022 09:18

DS's team is run like a premier league side, from coaches and parents. Streaming since they were 5 and quite a few parents who are encouraging their DC to do nothing but football in the hope that they will one day be professional. It's scary at times but hilarious too and DS enjoys himself so we still go. The drama is better than EastEnders.

timtam23 · 26/02/2022 09:18

Both of my children have been playing in a junior football league for years, since they were 6. The coaches are volunteers and also parents, they go above and beyond with their unpaid time and I really hope that we have never taken advantage of that. Fortunately the parent groups in general are usually respectful on the touchlines, applaud opponents' good play, thank the coach etc but the organisational hassles look to be a complete nightmare, I don't know how they manage to do it. We try to give them at least a small thank you gift from our family at the end of the seasons. If organised in time, all the parents club together to get a gift voucher or similar so hopefully the coaches do know we appreciate them

elbea · 26/02/2022 09:19

@WindsweptPidgeon I left the brownies as a child and joined the Cubs in the 90s because they used to do thinks like that along with learning to hoover and polish tea spoons. It’s sad to see it hasn’t changed much

anonanonanon123 · 26/02/2022 09:20

Yep my DP coached kids football as a volunteer (with his mates before he had kids so like early-mid twenties). He quit for this reason.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 26/02/2022 09:23

Ironically household skills like hoovering, sewing and cooking are still on the Scouting curriculum... but I believe Guides removed stuff like the Hostess badge?

harrumphs · 26/02/2022 09:24

@Quirrelsotherface

DS's team is run like a premier league side, from coaches and parents. Streaming since they were 5 and quite a few parents who are encouraging their DC to do nothing but football in the hope that they will one day be professional. It's scary at times but hilarious too and DS enjoys himself so we still go. The drama is better than EastEnders.
My younger DC's team is like this and has been for a few years. It's hilarious as their only 9-10 now. I avoid having anything to do with it as I can't stand many of the parents, and the coaches, who are amazing, take it faaaaaaar too seriously. They're kids. Kicking a ball around. The likelihood of one become the next Harry Kane or Marcus Rashford is slim to none Confused
Moneyhunter · 26/02/2022 09:24

Maybe you should take over in his place if he’s thinking of quitting

JudesBiggestFan · 26/02/2022 09:25

I'm incredibly grateful to all of my sons' football coaches. However, I'm finding these threads/posts on here and social media a bit tiring. As in all areas of life, you need to set your own boundaries. If parents are treating you disrespectfully, then manage it.
I keep seeing these posts on Facebook about what heroes coaches are with the implicit idea that I should feel guilty. I have three sons...that's 9 activities a week, including football. Training sessions, matches, attendant WhatsApp groups. We get the kids all around the region, pay subs, stand and cheer them on, give to collections at Christmas and end of the season for the coaches. I give lifts to other kids, my husband helps set up for home matches...parents give a lot too to make these teams work. Most of them, like myself, around full time jobs and other commitments.
Ultimately, I'd hope the volunteers do it (as most volunteers do) because they get a lot of pleasure and fulfilment from it, and most of the time, because their kid plays on the team.
If not, please stop...with football at least there is never a shortage of dads willing to step up. But let's not pretend there aren't occasions when they're imperfect too, I've known many coaches over the years. And sometimes you need to ask for a lift...if it's not practical to help out then just say, but I'd certainly get a kid to training if I could. And do.

harrumphs · 26/02/2022 09:26

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Ironically household skills like hoovering, sewing and cooking are still on the Scouting curriculum... but I believe Guides removed stuff like the Hostess badge?
Wow I remember my hostess badge really clearly from Brownies over 40yrs ago. It had a cup and saucer on it! Probably shouldn't call it "hostess" anymore!
MsTSwift · 26/02/2022 09:28

Yes but they are YOUR kids that you chose to have?! You want praise for basic parenting? Dear me what an embarrassing post.

Lemonweightloss · 26/02/2022 09:29

@Quirrelsotherface, this is what I remember! My ds is in his 30s now but I hated football training. The parents were so embarrassing; some even had fights.
I always made a point of thanking the coaches and taught my ds the same.
It was funny at times but I remember once I actually cried when I overheard a dad tell his ds that he had 'played crap' at the end of the match. I was appalled and told him so.
I think I stopped going after that.

purplesequins · 26/02/2022 09:31

@Debroglie

I love m sons football coach and I would be appalled if any of the parents did those things. I am so grateful that the coach gives so much time to the team. I find it quite annoying that some parents just drop their dc at training and disappear for an hour. It’s also under 8s and IMO the dc are too young to be left so the poor coach has to tie laces/comfort when hurt etc. I think parents should be there to support the coach for the whole session. It’s not childcare!
that I don't agree with. ime children behave much better in clubs without parents present.

picking them up late is not on though.

Wincher · 26/02/2022 09:36

Wow, my kids play football (one at under 8) and I can’t imagine any of the other parents acting like this! Though interesting to know about not being able to give lifts because of safeguarding. We’ve had problems when both kids have had away matches at the same time and the one time my son did get a lift from the coach it had to be cleared in advance by someone high up in the club so that explains why.
Our team is lovely but some of the others we play - the parents and coaches SCREAMING at the kids. Such high pressure! It’s meant to be fun…

Quirrelsotherface · 26/02/2022 09:36

They're kids. Kicking a ball around. The likelihood of one become the next Harry Kane or Marcus Rashford is slim to none

Exactly. I don't know what it is with football but it brings out the worst in people and in a few cases I worry for the DC who are being set up for disappoinment in the future. One parent said to me we'll worry about education in a few years Hmm
Another of my DC plays a different sport and the attitude is completely different..a more intelligent approach from all concerned.

LizBennet · 26/02/2022 09:39

My friend always said she wasn't bothered about her son's education "because he'll find some work in football, even if he's not playing it". I always thought it was a poor attitude, but to be fair the team he's playing in now may be going into the premiership...