If you are going to ask your kids football coach to do any of these things, please don't...

[thefootballcoacheswife]

My DH coaches under 8's football. He gives up a lot of time to this, training twice a week, Saturdays for matches and lots of other time planning and scheduling (and dreaming of cup glory )
He loves coaching the kids. What he does not love is dealing with some of the parents.
In the last month he has been:
Asked to not let a kid join the team by a Mother of a child already in the team.A bit of digging revealed that this Mother didn't like the parents of the new kid as they were formerly friends and they had sided with her ex husband in the divorce. She called DH and messaged him repeatedly basically describing the new child as the incantation of pure evil. DH ignored her, the kid started with the team and unsurprisingly all was fine between the kids.

Asked by another Mother to refuse let her ex husband attend a team trip to watch a premier league game that the whole team and families were going on. We know this family. The parents have equal custody of the kids. They had both booked to come on the trip. This mother was seriously expecting DH to call the Dad and tell
Him he couldn't come because she doesn't like him.

Asked by a Dad to pick up and bring back his kid from training for the next three weeks because he was busy. It's a twenty minute detour to pick him and drop him back. Is DH now a cab as well?

Sworn at and threatened by a parent who felt his kid wasn't getting enough minutes (they all play the same amount usually sitting out one quarter each)

These are just in the last month.

Being a kids football coach is a Labour of love. DH does it as a volunteer basis as do lots of other football coaches. They are happy to coach kids. But what they aren't are referees in family / social disputes, marriage guidance counsellors, social engineers or cab drivers.

He is so stressed by the parental politics that he has considered quitting. So if you are going to do any of the above mentioned things to your kids football coach, or anything like them, please reconsider! They just want to show your kids how to play football. They don't want to be involved in your life outside of that at all!

@Moneyhunter

Maybe you should take over in his place if he’s thinking of quitting

Is this a serious suggestion to the OP?

@MsTSwift

What the hell is wrong with people?!

When my friend was a guide leader one session they did a chill out pamper session and one set of parents sent an email of complaint signed from both of them! My friend was a fucking volunteer!

I like the Canadian system your kid does a sport you have to run a session. No parental involvement no place for your kid. That would sort it.

In effect that has always happened with many childrens' activities.

When you enforce it the children whose parents cannot or will not support them miss out on the opportunities to mix with other children and learn new things.

Interestingly in mine and DH's experience of volunteering with children it was never the struggling families who were CFs, it was always those who had the cars, the time and the finances.

[quote WindsweptPidgeon]@ThePennyJustDropped Do you honestly think Scouts would run "pamper" sessions? And Guides running them because "it's driven by the interests of the pack" are just enforcing the social conditioning girls are subjected to. Do you think girls are born wanting to paint their nails?[/quote]

Actually I think all children are born wanting to paint nails. Both my boys wanted to as toddlers. Its fun! It's only when they get older boys decide its 'girly'. Unless it's pen or tippex. Even teen boys love painting their nails with pen and tippex.

I was an assistant beaver leader for 2 years.
It was horrendous.
Subs were only £1.50 per kid per week (Hall rental etc) and we had parents who were professionals driving new plate BMWs who just didn't pay.
These were also the parents who were always late to pick up. On one memorable occasion I had to stay behind for nearly 2 hours with increasingly tired and upset children.
No apology. Drove up, beeped their horn and the kids ran out to the car.
Then the parent who expected us to provide 1-1 for their child with quite significant SEND.
We just couldn't do it. There were 3 of us (one of whom was only 18) and 18 other kids.
He was a bolter and self harmed. It was awful. We really tried but it was just impossible. I was called all the names under the sun by his mother because we told her she would have to attend the yearly parade as we couldn't guarantee his safety on the local roads.
I left after that.
I still do voluntary work (because I'm an idiot) and the level of responsibility put on the shoulders of volunteers - especially during covid - has been ridiculous.
I had hoped that the public would rralise just how much local people rely on volu terms but I was wrong

Do you think boys are born not wanting to look after themselves? The problem here lies with the scouts not doing it not the guides wanting to. sooo true. My dc did Scouting and Guiding. Guiding did all of the camping, shooting canoeing archery that the Scouts did as well as the pamper. Actually the pamper sessions were a safe space for the leaders to have in depth girlie conversations about personal safety, periods etc. Pink nails or blue nails at the end of it were just a bonus.

Sadly from what I have heard from people with children of a similar age, what you described OP is not a surprise.

Then the parents concerned wonder why their DC become difficult teenagers.

Not sure I'd have been too impressed with a "pamper" session at Guides club. Can you imagine Scouts doing that?

And if the guides themselves had chosen to do it?

Scouts could do the same if they want.

If you don't like an activity (which isn't dangerous, age inappropriate, safety risk etc) remove your child and/or volunteer and run sessions you'd prefer.

Honestly, football is a nightmare. Both my older boys tried football when much younger: it was cliquey (especially the kids who shunned a Newbie who was just learning), poorly run, parents screaming on the side-lines and just a general negative atmosphere.

All 3 DC have been involved in rugby for many years now. The older 2 live for their rugby, training twice a week and matches at weekends. Here in Scotland clubs sign up to a scheme where kids, parents and coaches are trained in sportsmanship. There's struct rules about touchline behaviour from everyone and a true, family experience is encouraged. As a result it's a pleasure being involved in the club- so friendly and supportive and a real emphasis on the positives, even when they're badly beaten. Kids host the other team afterwards for food and chat (in a shirt and team tie!): my teens have made friends with other teams that they bump into over the years, which is just brilliant.

Parents are welcomed to join in if they wish. My ex DH has been a coach for years (properly trained and put through courses) and I've been the pastoral lead in the past (connecting with parents, making sure all kids are happy) and mucked in serving hot-dogs and pasta. It's an inclusive sport with kids with a whole range of disabilities included - DC3 has ASD and ADHD and has been treated wonderfully by the coaches, to the extent one physically held his hand through training for months!

There are yearly prizes in the league for sportsmanship, family atmosphere, coaching and parental positivity. We clap when the opposing team score: that says it all really.

It runs both ways though. My son was refusing to see his dad because his dad was being abusive and his football coach, who knew his dad through work, invited his dad to a training session without warning us.

So grateful to my son's football coaches, they do an amazing job in their own time and some people are a nightmare to deal with.

Our coach is lovely as are all of our parents. The coaching is not brilliant but I don’t want to coach so I would never say anything. Parents of other teams we have played are despicable human beings.

I've seen both sides of 'parent coaches'.

Some are brilliant, level-headed, even-handed, and fair with all the children. Unfortunately, that hasn't been our experience since our youngest boy was about 8....

We've had parent coaches for several sports that are there not just because they love the sport, but to ensure their own child is the 'star'. For football, that means their child wears the No 10 shirt for football and only plays the favoured position(s) on the pitch, which just breeds resentment and ensures other children quit. Especially when other children are better.

I've also seen some of these 'sainted' football coaches berate children - children!- with name calling (like 'pussies'), stupid jokes, and treat every Saturday morning football match like it's the world cup. Pretty shocking, actually. We wanted to report our son's, but he wouldn't let us for fear of the repercussions with his teammates. We were glad when he finally quit.

I'm glad our son no longer plays.

I’m a welfare officer for a club and it amazes me how many parents think the club is drop of care for their child and don’t even come to support their child.

Some of the kids in the pack would love a pamper session some not so much. Same with any session the volunteers arrange. If parents don't approve of a session keep their child at home that week, don't send a critical message to the volunteers signed by both parents. Do the volunteers have to run ideas for every session past these critical parents and dump what particular parents don't like. If I had received such a letter I would have replied saying any parents who don't like the session run in our free time are at liberty to keep their child at home that week. I would also be asking them for ideas for other sessions that they would be prepared to lead with our support. I would be pointing out how support is desperately needed and thanking them for any time they could give. Brownies, Guides, sports sessions ext are not mandatory. If you like what the leaders do send your kids, if not, don't send them. There is nearly always a waiting list of kids desperate to join. Above all, don't treat the volunteers as though they were unsatisfactory paid employees 😁

Ahh the "football parent" a species to avoided at all costs! Luckily only one of my ds wanted to play, it was certainly an experience i will never forget. There will definitely be a dad who was good enough to play for chelsea when he was younger but got injured and never made itwho thinks his son is the next Beckham, the mean girl parents who only want to talk to you if your child is a brilliant player and the odd few normal parents who are begrudgingly there because their child enjoys playing football.---- Competitive parenting at its peak among the football parent.

[quote elbea]@WindsweptPidgeon I left the brownies as a child and joined the Cubs in the 90s because they used to do thinks like that along with learning to hoover and polish tea spoons. It’s sad to see it hasn’t changed much[/quote]
I proper loved the polishing sessions we did in Brownies. A bottle of Duraglit or Brasso, an old rag and my mums brass ornaments and I was in heaven!

I was a youth football team coach and manager for many years. Being a woman, parents thought I was a soft touch and would try all sorts including expecting me to be a taxi and childminder outside of training and matches. Your DH will just have to smile and wave and keep on doing what he enjoys and ignore the parents.

We found rugby parents a lot more civilised and supportive of each others children.

A bug bear of mine is parents who turn up late to collect kids, whether it's from a school trip or a voluntary activity. It means someone (with their own family to go home to) has to wait behind. They should be charged a childcare late collection fee. It's the same ones week after week.

Sadly this is true of any volunteer role.

We’ve had this. The coach’s dc plays in the same position as my dc and we’ve had parents try and get us to complain that his dc gets more time on the pitch, when in fact he is scrupulously fair. One particular mother also said that they shouldn’t be able to coach the team their dc plays in as it is a conflict of interest. I said that if it wasn’t for his dc playing he might not bother to give up his Saturday mornings to train other people’s kids.

We did a pamper night when I was an explorer scout. We made face masks, and sat with our feet in washing up bowls - girls and boys!

There is another side to this. Being a children's group leader doesn't automatically make someone a saint. DS went to cubs but got increasingly bored with the fact that they spent most sessions playing football whilst the leader and helpers gossiped on the sidelines. We asked very politely whether they might consider widening their activities but were ignored. Sessions started before DH and I got back from work so we couldn't help regularly, but we did when we could and again tried to suggest they do something different but it very rarely happened.

We did wonder why the main leader bothered as she didn't seem that interested, until we clocked that she was having an affair with DS's best friend's father. We packed it in after that, and DS was thoroughly put off by then so didn't want to try another pack. Such a waste.

7 year olds are training twice a week with matches on Saturday?

My nephew coaches young kids too and he says is upsetting when a kid misbehaves at home and his punishment is not attending training/games for a couple of weeks.

It affects the team and feels it should be kept separately as part of being on a sports team is the discipline of attending training and not letting everyone down.

There are other punishments (like screen time) that could be enforced instead.

I had one parent complain that her daughter wasn’t seen as a priority because she wasn’t the fastest runner, they’re three, they all run like little fat ducks.

This really made me chuckle, thank you