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Original poster

Booked to visit friends, now asked to book an airbnb

195 replies

nellienellie · 10/02/2022 08:53

Just the title really. These are old old friends of dh.

They live in Madrid. Dh and I are on a bit of a budget this year. When he was passing through Madrid on a work trip, he met up with them. And they said "please please, come and stay with us". So DH and I thought, well if the accommodation is covered then we could go out and have a break. Obviously we would have taken them to dinner as thanks.

Dh organised it, and it was clear that we'd be staying with them. They warned that it is a sofa bed (for 3 nights that's not an issue).

We booked our flights and train travel. Then they text dh saying they'd been having a think, and it might be quite squished, so maybe we could look into getting an airbnb?

They didn't say that we couldn't stay with them full stop. But now if we reply asking to stay with them, we will feel like an imposition.

Why agree to host someone if you don't actually mean it? Especially after we booked travel. For what it's worth, they are due to come over here shortly and we were going to offer our spare bedroom.

DH really isn't keen to ask 'oh is it ok if we stay with you actually, we are looking to save money' as he is embarrassed about admitting that we aren't flush. He was at university with them, and they have since done a lot better financially than we have (career break due to kids).

OP posts:
BowerOfBramble · 10/02/2022 08:54

I would just cancel tbh, not worth it. They’ll probably try to backtrack but I wouldn’t want to stay now - too awkward.

OnlyClothes · 10/02/2022 08:54

Can you cancel the travel tickets?

labyrinthlaziness · 10/02/2022 08:56

I would cancel if I could.

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Planetzero · 10/02/2022 08:59

Don’t ask to stay with them as they obviously don’t want you to. I would call it off.

JingsMahBucket · 10/02/2022 09:01

Before you cancel, @nellienellie I would ask the friends yourself instead of making your husband do it. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you’re on a budget. If your husband can’t physically bring himself to do it then you can. I’d also mention your plan of taking them to dinner as a thank you for hosting.

The friends probably haven’t thought it through in terms of how it’ll affect you.

Also, turn it around and ask them if they’re okay due to the sudden change in plan. They may open up to you about experiencing something right now. Both sides may be able to negotiate it well.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 10/02/2022 09:03

Just cancel, maybe they’ve had a few visitors recently who taken the opportunity for a cheap break and are realising it’s not much fun squishing in holiday makers when you don’t have lots of room!

lurkingfromhome · 10/02/2022 09:04

Please just cancel if you can. They've changed their minds. Pretty rude of them, but it would be too cringe for you to beg to stay with them when they don't want you to.

Totalwasteofpaper · 10/02/2022 09:06

@BowerOfBramble

I would just cancel tbh, not worth it. They’ll probably try to backtrack but I wouldn’t want to stay now - too awkward.
100% cancel
Bimblybomeyelash · 10/02/2022 09:07

I would look into how much a air B and B , or cheap hotel might cost. It probably would be a bit uncomfortable with 4 adults in a small 1 bed flat, all sharing one bathroom etc. You’ll have a fab time if you go, time in a great city, away from the kids. And it will be better if you have a decent bed and a good nights sleep, and your own bathroom to
Poo in peace!

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 10/02/2022 09:07

Id probably cancel too tbh. Accom is so expensive and its not really fair to throw that unexpected cost at someome.

Babadook76 · 10/02/2022 09:07

I’d also cancel. Can the tickets be refunded or exchanged for somewhere else? You could ask them again if you can stay at theirs, but wouldn’t you find it awkward now they’ve made it pretty clear they don’t want you to?

Hoppinggreen · 10/02/2022 09:08

They don’t want you to stay so you can’t. They tried to gently put you off with the sofa bed comment but you didnt get the hint.
They aren’t really covering themselves with glory but it looks like you have taken a throw away “oh you must come and stay” as a firm invitation.
Nobody is at fault, just crossed wires

Imtoooldforallthis · 10/02/2022 09:09

Could you look at a basic hotel for one or two of the nights so your only staying with them for part of the time?

JudgeRindersMinder · 10/02/2022 09:12

It sounds like they’ve given you the original invitation but not actually thought you’d take them up on it and are now trying to back pedal.
It’s hard going having someone staying even just for 3 nights if you don’t have a spare room, so they’re in the living space, which is what this sounds like

IzzyD0ra · 10/02/2022 09:18

I'd reply with an "I'm glad you suggested that, we had been thinking the same so have decided to cancel/book a hotel...didn't want you to think us rude/ungrateful for the invite".

Helps you both to save face .

Teeble · 10/02/2022 09:23

@Hoppinggreen

They don’t want you to stay so you can’t. They tried to gently put you off with the sofa bed comment but you didnt get the hint. They aren’t really covering themselves with glory but it looks like you have taken a throw away “oh you must come and stay” as a firm invitation. Nobody is at fault, just crossed wires
This is just bonkers. Gently putting someone off would be saying something like "it'd be lovely to see you, here's a few hotels nearby that we like", not saying "yes you can stay but it's a sofa bed" in the hope they realise that what you actually mean is "you can't stay with us, please get a hotel".
FunnyGoingsOn · 10/02/2022 09:27

Check out air b and bs there might be a really cheap one

anne2650 · 10/02/2022 09:28

It's bad form on their part. You don't invite someone to stay and then change your mind when the person has made the travel arrangements. You're probably going to lose a deposit if you cancel. I would look at air bnb but I'd be reluctant to spend much time with them while I'm there!

rookiemere · 10/02/2022 09:28

Have you looked at accommodation prices? You may well be able to find an apartment cheaply through vrbo or booking.com. Madrid is a great city and it would be a shame to miss out because the circumstances have changed.

I'd not be rushing to meet up with them if you do go, they pulled a sneaky one on you and it was not a nice thing to do. I suspect perhaps the DH agreed it without checking with the DW, and they are right that it would be quite cramped with you in the living room. I'd expect them to invite you for dinner rather than a meal out.

As you have a spare bedroom, if they did come over to the UK, I'd probably still let them use it, but I wouldn't be rolling out the red carpet for them at all, so extra couple of portions of spag bol in the pot, rather than gourmet dinner, and I'd hope for an invite out to dinner at their expense.

FazedNotPhased · 10/02/2022 09:29

This is just bonkers. Gently putting someone off would be saying something like "it'd be lovely to see you, here's a few hotels nearby that we like", not saying "yes you can stay but it's a sofa bed" in the hope they realise that what you actually mean is "you can't stay with us, please get a hotel".

This is precisely how some people communicate! It might be bonkers but it's not remotely unusual.

I would also have to cancel. I couldn't bear to insist upon staying with them, and neither would I want to pay £££ for a holiday that was only chosen because of the offer of accommodation.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 10/02/2022 09:29

Cancel the whole trip. They’ve rescinded in what they think is a polite way but is really an awkward non-way.

cushioncovers · 10/02/2022 09:34

I would postpone until you've saved enough for an air bnb.

Hoppinggreen · 10/02/2022 09:36

@FazedNotPhased

This is just bonkers. Gently putting someone off would be saying something like "it'd be lovely to see you, here's a few hotels nearby that we like", not saying "yes you can stay but it's a sofa bed" in the hope they realise that what you actually mean is "you can't stay with us, please get a hotel".

This is precisely how some people communicate! It might be bonkers but it's not remotely unusual.

I would also have to cancel. I couldn't bear to insist upon staying with them, and neither would I want to pay £££ for a holiday that was only chosen because of the offer of accommodation.

It’s not bonkers It’s the kind of thing my DH would do. He would think he had told them they couldn’t stay and then be very surprised that they were still coming. So then I would have to step in
SVRT19674 · 10/02/2022 09:42

OP acomodation in Madrid is very varied and you can get perfectly ok budget hotels no problem. I would do my own thing though when I´m there. Ignore the idiots. Can´t stand flaky people. I hope you do come to Madrid and enjoy yourselves.

nancy75 · 10/02/2022 09:51

For those saying just cancel, if flights are booked with someone like easyjet it costs more in admin fees to change the flights than the flight is worth.
I would have a look on booking.com, if you're not travelling in school holidays you might pick up a bargain

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